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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that paying rent when a person gets a job at age 16 is a good idea!

102 replies

BritFish · 17/02/2010 12:22

backstory: My DC's both paid rent once they got jobs at age 16, working in cafe and in supermarket [like his mum, how embarassing ]

They paid £30 a month, and then both went off to uni, but if they had stayed at home and got full time jobs that rent would have been increased a lot, obviously.

Someone at work was talking about this the other day, and a few people were expressing anger at their child paying to 'stay in their own home'

I see getting a job when you leave school as pretty much a given, as giving pocket money when they're old enough to earn their own is a bit ridiculous to be honest
and we all have to pay bills later in life, so starting them off gently now isnt such a bad thing is it!
am i being totally unreasonable in thinking getting a job and paying a bit of rent at 16 is normal!

OP posts:
tallulahbelly · 17/02/2010 19:18

It's not any of your business.

My first three jobs were really badly paid but I was lucky enough to stay living with my parents who made it clear they expected nothing from me.

It was enough for them that I was working hard towards something I'd always wanted to do.

I've paid my own way for 20 years now but I've always been capable of understanding the value of money.

Needing to pay rent doesn't necessarily teach people financial continence.

DebiNewberry · 17/02/2010 19:31

Personally, I would not take money from my dc if they were in part-time work, full-time education, no. Certainly not at 16.

If they came back home after university and were working a job that meant it was better for them to be at home, I might consider it, depending on the wage and how saintly they were being.

beammeupscotty · 17/02/2010 22:35

I paid my mum rent when I got a job and lived at home. The day I moved out she gave it all back to me to help me with finding a flat. My mum was lovely.

scotagm · 17/02/2010 22:37

Throughout A levels and Uni I always lived at home and always had a part time job. It was always expected that I paid something in board - £10 a week (when I earned £23 a week working as a Saturday girl, at one point). I never dared say no and only rarely resented it.

As an adult in my twenties twice I moved back to my parents home for short periods of time. Then, I always paid a weekly board as well - this time volunteered and never asked for by my mum.

As a result, I really do know how to budget and have a healthy relationship with my finances. As much as anything it is about respect. Young adults cannot expect to be "adult" without managing their finances in an adult way.

twopeople · 18/02/2010 13:38

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janeite · 18/02/2010 13:45

Until my daughters have finished their A levels, I wouldn't really want them to feel they had to have a part time job tbh, as I would rather that they had the time to study/relax. The choice would be theirs - if they felt that the allowance they would get was insufficient for their requirements, they'd need a job to boost it.

If they did have a part-time job, I certainly wouldn't expect them to pay rent, unless our financial situation changed hugely to what it is now. This is their home, not a hotel and as long as they treat it as such, it is free.

groundhogs · 18/02/2010 15:49

a 16yo paying their way is nothing at all to do with the actual upkeep of them, it is to teach them to honour responsibilities.

It's absolutely ESSENTIAL to teach teenagers that when you earn, you have to pay your way.

If the money received by the parent(s) is not essential to the running of the household, then the 'rent' can be put into a savings account to help with uni fees, car or wedding expenses in the future.

If we let our teenagers live the life of riley at hime for nothing, then we are doing them no favours at all.

upahill · 18/02/2010 18:08

Twopeople....'1/3 bill, 1/3 save..... I believe that was my quote. That was a maxim I was bought up with. Sadly your brakedown of 50% on rent rings so true for many people. I appreciate that is the way for many people (indeed at one time I was struggling to keep our house we were so skint) I didn't mean to be insensitive.

twopeople · 19/02/2010 14:17

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BritFish · 19/02/2010 18:28

MillyR
"You only have to stand on your own two feet in life if nobody you know really cares about you. "
excuse me? care to rephrase that?
oh yes, taking £30 a month out of my kids £200+ wage packet a month is really uncaring.
considering its being saved for, as i mentioned, happy ocassions or emergencies.
some of it is used for keep, reasonable.
they dont KNOW this savings account exists.
I would never use it to fund driving lessons/cars/holidays.
when my children get to a point where i want to share the money they have saved, for example to start off a saving fund for their children, i hope they will be pleased!
its not putting a price on everything. for example, when my son was 16 he would sometimes earn £250 [which he worked hard for] and i take £30. he knows this is because it will ease the blow when he:
A: gets to uni and will have to learn to manage the loan, plenty of my daughters friends blew their loan and had to ask their parents for money because they had no idea living costs so much.
B: in the real world, when you are giving up a lot more than roughly 10% of your wage packet!
there was moaning at first, but they know the reasons and think its perfectly reasonable!
when your kids reach 16 they have to start the transition into the adult world, much better than dropping them into the deep end!
if they came back to live with me long-term id expect rent again. if it was anyone else [short term] i wouldnt!

and to all the 'full-time education' comments.
after 16 my children went to college. now, it's CALLED full-time, but college hours are never solid 9-4, five days a week are they!
so i dont really see it as a drain on them...
and if they didnt have part time jobs they wouldnt be able to go out with their friends, i dont know how your kids afford their social lives, why should i fund the non essential stuff unless its a big occasion?

and someone mentioned stopping pocket money being a bit harsh:
if they're old enough and capable to earn, give me a reason to give them pocket money.
please, give me a reason!

OP posts:
BritFish · 19/02/2010 18:31

occasions.when i said holidays, i meant non-family
i realise i sound like a bit of a fun-killer!
i do fun stuff with my DC's [even now they're all grown up, sniff]
we have occasional trips to the cinema, comedy nights.
and if something went horribly wrong with their uni funds, i would bail them out. [thats not 'ive spent it all!']

OP posts:
troublewithtalk · 19/02/2010 18:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdgarAllenSnow · 19/02/2010 19:06

erm i don't think its all that important tb - do it if you want, don't if you don't - up to you

my folks let me live rent free whilst saving for uni/at university/clearing debt afterwards/saving to travel....never charged rent.

although, hah, when living with my folks, i had sooo much more cash tospend on me....

I am the life and soul of fiscal responsibility >yawn

Rosa · 19/02/2010 19:14

When I did summer jobs or had a wage then I happily gave my parents some money ( They maintained me so why not ?) . When I worked PT I took them out for a pub meal - I was happy to do it ( and proud). However I was never forced and my parents 'helped' me buy my first car etc .
( I started earning extra money washing up in restaurants and paper rounds then progressed to restaurant bar work and holiday work ) At the same time my parents were still paying for my full time education.
Now when I return home with the family to stay we take it in turns to do the weekly shop and I usually pay for something to be done on the house or garden.

catwalker · 19/02/2010 19:16

Don't think I could ever charge my kids rent for staying in the family home. Sorry to those of you who think I would be creating monsters, but I couldn't.

BritFish · 19/02/2010 19:20

catwalker:
dont think youd be creating monsters at all
i think a lot of kids benefit from it, but then some are just born savers anyway! [wish my two were when they started their jobs, bless]
i dont see it as 'grrr you should pay rent you bloody freeloaders' i really dont!

OP posts:
justallovertheplace · 19/02/2010 19:22

I can see both sides really. I was charged rent when I had a job but really I was nto a happy teenager and it reinforced my belief that I was not really welcome at home. My mum insisted on it being half of my wages as well, which is why I only lived there for 2 months of my gap year, I moved out sharpish. I do think it's nice for them to contribute though, as long as they understand why you are doing it. I have friends of 26/27 who still live at home, have full time jobs and pay their paretns about £50 a month. That is taking the piss

Janos · 19/02/2010 19:29

YANBU.

I think it's an excellent idea. £30.00 is a reasonable amount of money if you're working part time - and you are teaching a valuable lesson about financial responsibility.

"You only have to stand on your own two feet in life if nobody you know really cares about you."

Sorry, but that's not true MillyR. Many people can't afford to subsidise their adult children financially. It doesn't mean they aren't loving or supportive.

(NB by adult, I mean over 16 - for the purposes of this thread).

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2010 19:34

I think there is a big difference between giving pocket money, and taking money off children who earn.

I was only given 50p per week pocket money at the age of 12, which wasn't enough to buy what I wanted, so I got a paper round. I was 13. should I have given some money over to my parents then?

At 16 I got a job working in a chip shop, but my parents would never have thought of taking any of it for board. My parents then gave me their child benefit, which I used to buy all my clothes, etc, apart from when I needed something extra, and my mum was feeling generous.

I think when you have a child, or indeed when you get pg you make a decision to support a person for life, whether it be financially, or emotionally etc.
It really goes against my gut instincts to charge a child board. If thought about this qu9ite a bit over the past few days, and I just couldn't accept money off my children if they offered it to me. It would just feel wrong.

BritFish · 19/02/2010 19:43

lynette:
ive already said i wouldnt take it off a paper round, thats just harsh imo.
but when a childs old enough to leave the home, get a job, get married, have babies, handing over £30 a week [which is spent on them ANYWAY either now or in the future]
isnt going to kill them.
and i know a lot of people think differently, but 16 isnt quite an adult, but its definately when you stop being a child.
its not meant negatively towards my DC'S at all!
and i dont plan on supporting my children for life financially!
although im very lucky, apart from a few mishaps [including my DD spending her entire wages on shoes in the first week....and i mean the whole lot] mine have got their heads screwed on

OP posts:
CrazyKat · 19/02/2010 20:21

sometimes college is a solid 9-4 monday to friday, it depends on what courses are taken. i took 4 a-levels and was in class 9-4.30 every day (excapt friday which was 10-4.30) and had 3 hours homework from each subject each week. i didn't have time for a part time job and study (or much of a social life for that matter) and just had £20 ema. my parents wouldn't let me pay rent but expected me to buy my own clothes/ mobile bill etc..

i won't charge my dd and ds rent if they are in education but will do what my parents did and make them use ema/wage from pt job to but things they like clothes etc.

having said that i would make them pay for their own food/toiletries etc. if they're living at home and working full time.

fluffles · 19/02/2010 20:43

my parents never charged me anything when i was in fulltime education but they did reduce my allowance to a tiny amount.

they didn't want me to take on so many hours at work that my studies suffered.

but my wages were an absolute pittance.

child benefit continues after 16 if you're still in full-time education anyway..

fluffles · 19/02/2010 20:48

i'm scottish and don't really understand english 'college' for 16-18yr olds. i assume you mean sixth form college? or do you mean further education?

anyway, when i was 16-18 i was still in school and that to me is too young to have to pay rent.. as i said, my parent's didn't want me working all the hours to earn money and my studies suffering as a result.

they also didn't charge me board in the uni holidays, if they had then they'd have just had to help me more during termtime.. but i worked as much as possible, and saved as much as possible and didn't take the piss.

fluffles · 19/02/2010 20:50

sorry, i should have put this all into one post...

some people said that board is 'money that is spent on the child anyway'.. i guess it also depends on what the parents are paying for. in uni holidays my parents let me sleep in their house but i was out at work about 14hrs a day and provided with meals at work. the only thing i cost them was a bit more electricity for the washing machine.

TottWriter · 19/02/2010 21:23

I don't have an issue with children paying rent to their parents, but you do have to be flexible enough to work around circumstances.

For example, when I hit sixteen, I started working in a tea room, earning the princely sum of £19 a week. Gosh. Gotta love that under 18s don't qualify for minimum wage, right? My mum didn't charge me rent, but she did stop my pocket money (which had been £2.50 a week as money was always tight) and used the saving to increase what she gave to my little sister. (Don't know whether it's related or not, but my sister has always had a reputation for money burning holes in her pockets. She was slow to get a job and didn't chip in until way later than me. Even now my dad subs her, and she's living with my mum and working 'part-time'. But that's complicated.)

When I left school and got a full-time job, I started paying £33 a week, to cover a basic 'rent' and the petrol costs of picking me up from work while I learned to drive. (There was a bus there but not a convenient one back.) I payed for my own lessons and tests, although I was given a car when I passed. I had absolutely no problem with paying rent, or the fact that my mum practically dragged me to the bank to open an ISA (though I did quibble how picky she got about the calculation of my 'owings', she was fastidious to the point of ridiculousness). When I moved in with my dad, I did the same, until my health deteriorated and I was signed off work. I still chipped in by buying household supplies when I could afford it, but never returned to FT work, which I felt "guilty" for until I moved out. After all, he was still supporting my sister, and recieving no extras for me suddenly living with him and using food/electricity/water.

I take pride in the fact that everything I own I worked for (or, sadly, now recieve benefits for, sigh), something I don't think I could have learned if I'd never had to worry about other people's claim on my hard earned money.

As a comparison, my cousin was tragically orphaned aged fifteen, and spent the next few years with my grandmother, before moving to nearer ourselves to go to college. He was supported by the rent from the house he interited which had been rented out, but failed to economise, or fully realise that my grandmother was bearing most of the brunt of the mortgage on it. Since finishing college he has lived with my Dad, and doesn't contribute a penny. Well, okay, every now and then he is generous and helps by buying breakfast cereal, fizzy drinks and ginsters pasties. My dad doesn't want to bring up the subject of money after all he's been through, but there's no denying that he's going to get into one hell of a mess when he goes to Uni and is on his tod. It's just a shame that where his mother lived (and my nan lives) is out in the middle of nowhere, and there was no opportunity for him to get a taste of the real world before his bereavement.

I don't think that every child 'needs' to pay rent, but it is a very good way of gettin a taste of reality before moving out when it all happens at once. I certainly will charge my DS and his soon-to-be-sibling rent when they reach a point where I can take a tithe without leaving them short, though PT work will be different, as they will have to be in education til 18. If they earn an awful lot, they will have to contribute, but if they only work saturdays at minimum wage, then it will replace any pocket money/outting subs. I certainly don't think it will do them any good to effectively learn that they don't have to pay their way, especially since my health means I will never work FT again, so I'm hardly an example of grindstoniness.

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