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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that paying rent when a person gets a job at age 16 is a good idea!

102 replies

BritFish · 17/02/2010 12:22

backstory: My DC's both paid rent once they got jobs at age 16, working in cafe and in supermarket [like his mum, how embarassing ]

They paid £30 a month, and then both went off to uni, but if they had stayed at home and got full time jobs that rent would have been increased a lot, obviously.

Someone at work was talking about this the other day, and a few people were expressing anger at their child paying to 'stay in their own home'

I see getting a job when you leave school as pretty much a given, as giving pocket money when they're old enough to earn their own is a bit ridiculous to be honest
and we all have to pay bills later in life, so starting them off gently now isnt such a bad thing is it!
am i being totally unreasonable in thinking getting a job and paying a bit of rent at 16 is normal!

OP posts:
Original poster
BritFish · 19/02/2010 21:36

fluffles- sixth form college yeah.
crazykat- i'd love to say i know someone or one of my DC's or their friends worked that hard but sadly not. but well done you!!!

for my DC's, they go/went to sixth form for two years when they were 16-18.
this averaged out at about....well some days they had all day, some days they had nothing, some days they had a couple of hours. the subject teachers claimed that 4-8 hours of homework was needed each week [never saw that much ]

which leaves them evenings and weekends free. perfectly enough time to have a saturday job, or for example, two evenings and a saturday, 12+ hours...
and have a roaring social life by all accounts.
not a strain on their poor little souls at all...

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 19/02/2010 21:36

My mother's neighbour doesn't charge her children rent. They are now 38 and 36 and both live there with their wives. One is a GP and the other does something with computers. Neither poorly paid jobs. The GP is married to a GP. Mum's neighbour looks after their baby for nothing. The other one's wife doesn't work. It's a huge house, but neighbour was moaning the other day that she never seems to have any time for herself (funny that) and was hoping to have slowed down a bit, and perhaps have moved to somewhere smaller by now.

And is it true that if you want to move house, that all adults living in the house have to say that they agree to the move, otherwise you cannot sell (because you would be making one of them homeless)?

So that is why you should charge your children rent...although my mother charged me so much rent that I moved out - it was actually cheaper to share a house with friends than to live at home.

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2010 21:42

Oh, MrsSchadenfreude your neighbour loves it really.

I would love for my children to stay with me for ever like that.

And your neighbours children may even care for her in her old age. Bit of an alien concept these days.

MillyR · 19/02/2010 21:48

I'm amazed that some people on this thread seem unaware that full time education does not mean being supervised by your lecturer for 35 hours a week. It is called 'reading for a degree' for a reason - you work unsupervised for at least two thirds of your working hours.

Goodness knows how these supposedly responsible young people are going to manage in full time jobs if their parents don't understand that your working hours are longer than just those when your manager is in the room telling you what to do.

Original poster
BritFish · 19/02/2010 21:54

MillyR: sixth form is NOT degree. not even remotely close.
degree you are quite right of course. but at sixth form?
yeah, they have a lot of free time on their hands after they've finished their college work!
apart from hardworkers like CrazyKat who do 4 intense A levels of course!

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 19/02/2010 22:00

Lynette - really? You don't think you would want them to live independently?

MillyR · 19/02/2010 22:06

Britfish, I was in a school sixth form. We were meant to be in school working for the whole of the school day, not just when we were being supervised by a teacher.

Not that I am opposed to children having jobs! DS has already got a job lined up for when he turns 14. But I expect him to put in full time hours at school through GCSEs and A levels. He is supposed to do 12 and a hours hours of homework a week now, in year 7, and he does. The school will increase those hours as he gets older.

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2010 22:07

No. I want them to be able to live independently, obviously. But if they choose to stay with me I would be thrilled. I'm already pointing out to my 11 yo that there are some great university courses in the closest university to us, so he doesn't have to go away to uni.

I even imagine his sports car parked on our drive.

MillyR · 19/02/2010 22:07

Sorry, 7 and a half hours now, and will rise to 12 and a half later.

TottWriter · 19/02/2010 22:12

MillyR, yes, but you can't deny that a large number of 16-18 y/os do work while in education, and because they want to, not because their parents make them. And still they succeed in their studies.

MillyR · 19/02/2010 22:17

Yes, I agree some children do well in their studies and do paid work.

It is no different from when I used to do a full time paid day job and a part time evening job, and did both to a reasonable level.

So I think young people who are working full time at their studies and holding down part time jobs should be praised for working very hard indeed!

It is like one of the young parents on the be a star website, who was doing her A levels, and bringing up a baby, and working as a breastfeeding peer counsellor. It is amazing, really.

CillySunt · 19/02/2010 22:18

I would ask for 'board' money, which I see as different from rent.

Not unreasonable at all.

2old4thislark · 19/02/2010 23:03

My 19 year old daughter works full time and pays £200 a month rent to us - for that she get food, washing done, room cleaned , bed made and changed - it less than a fifth of her take home pay. She accepts it's right for her to pay that even though a lot of her friends pay nothing. I am on my second marriage so we are a step beind on the property ladder. We took out a huge mortgage so that the children live somewhere nice and have good sized rooms. If it was just the two of us we could buy somewhere small and live mortgage free rather than £1100 a month mortgage!

My son is still at colleg - fulltime but that is only two and a half days a week. he workd part time and that money is his. His Dad still pays maintenance for him, until he finishes college in the summer. Then he'll work full time and pay rent. At the moment I still buy his clothes, pay for hair cuts etc.

Before we moved I saved moeny for driving lessons and first car so I don't think they've done too badly.

Amongst the people I know, the 'spoilt' kids don't pay rent and seem to have little sense of responsibilty regarding money. Expect their parents to bail them out all the time! And they don't evenseem to be grateful!

CillySuntIsFecked · 19/02/2010 23:08

That seems very fair 2old. £50 a week for all that, and Im presuming she showers/bathes, using broadband/phone etc?

Would be a hell of a lot more to rent 1 room with everything chucked in!

Original poster
BritFish · 19/02/2010 23:47

MillyR:
im wondering how long ago/what type of sixth form you went to if you stayed in school all day and did work and still had hours of homework in the evenings and weekends to do!
im actually genuinely asking here, what sort of thing were you studying?
our neighbours DS goes to a school sixth form and still has loads of free time and he has way more hours than my DC's...

at our local sixth form, in second year they probably have on average about...15 hours a week? so plenty of free time in the day [which is when my DD did her work to keep evenings free, my DS....did not do this but got it done somehow!]
full hours at sixth form: they went to every lesson [to my knowledge] but my DD did Media as one of her A-levels and no way did she ever have 5 hours of homework a week as the sixth form said!
schools and sixth forms say students will have x amount of hours doing homework, but ive found it never even comes close to what the school says.

2old- very fair!

cillysunt- i dont really know the different, i just say rent, it's not very literal i suppose...

OP posts:
MillyR · 20/02/2010 00:13

The school is telling your child they should do a certain amount of work. You seem to be saying that you do not think your child should do that amount of work. I don't agree with that and try to avoid contradicting the school wherever possible.

In terms of what I did in sixth form... traditional A levels plus school sports, debating, mentoring younger pupils. I did the usual kind of things you did in a comprehensive state sixth form twenty years ago.

DS (11) has 1 and half hours homework 5 nights a week. If no specific homework is set for a subject, they are meant to use the time to revise/ learn vocab/ read around the subject etc. On top of that he does clubs (some academic) at school after school and plays an instrument. He also works (in a sense) because he is responsible for the chickens and gets to keep the egg money.

I think we just have totally different attitudes to education and should agree to differ!

Original poster
BritFish · 20/02/2010 00:28

Um, no, i never said they shouldn't be doing the work. Im saying that the school/college tell parents that the child will have [for example] 5 hours of homework a week per subject, and my DC's never got that much work to do!
you make your DS 'revise/read around the subject' even when its not exam time? really? does he struggle at school or..?
if my DC's have finished the work they have been set, what else is there to do? if they want to do more, they can, but id never force them to. [it's different with my DD at uni of course, as 70% of her course is outside research etc]

it's not my attitude to education [i dont really have one except its the best start etc, and also to have fun while you're at school [under 16] because you'll never get it back!], just what my DC's do which i thought was normal...

OP posts:
MillyR · 20/02/2010 00:37

The school homework rules:

1 Three subjects are timetabled for each school day.
2 Students are recommended to spend 30-45 minutes on each of the homeworks set. A specific set task
connected to current work, consolidating previous work or preparing for future work may be the focus for
any one subject. We expect students to apportion their time appropriately.
3 If a specific task has not been set students should still use the time to review their learning, prepare for
controlled assessments or, if applicable, work on coursework.
4 In advance of timetabled internal exams and external exams time will be allocated to allow students to
properly prepare for them so routine homeworks will not be set.

Original poster
BritFish · 20/02/2010 00:45

yeah but...number 3 you take seriously? does your DS complain? do his peers see this as normal?
unless an 11 year old was struggling i wouldnt insist on him doing outside research or revision...

OP posts:
MillyR · 20/02/2010 00:55

Yes, his peers see it as normal. Not all of it is enjoyable - he doesn't like French vocab, but he does like working on other subjects - Maths, Art.

The school handbook also says:

Research suggests that a part-time work commitment in excess of 8 hours a week has a negative impact
on achievement for students engaged in full-time post-16 AS/A2 courses.

2old4thislark · 20/02/2010 09:33

CillySuntIsFecked yes broadband, sky etc! I do sometimes get her food for her lunches at work and some toiletries now and then.
She's very responsible with money and saves and budgets too. To rent a room privately around here would cost at least £350 just for a room in a shared house!

I'm pleased a few others think it's fair too, cos as I said so many full time working kids around here don't! I think if the parents don't need the money they should take
rent and secretly save it for the children's future or even start a pension fund for them.

I know a girl who is 20 and the parents don't take rent, bought her a newish car and the grandparents pay her insurance. She has a newer car than both parents! Then she just quit her job because she wanted the summer off! Tut tut!

illgetyoubutler · 20/02/2010 09:46

YANBU.
As soon as I started working a small PT job when I was 16, I gave rent straight away. (im 24 now)
sensible i think.

notsoteenagemum · 20/02/2010 10:19

My parents didn't ask me for rent but when I was 16/17 I dropped out of college and worked 40 hours a week, my dad was out of work and I started giving my mum a quarter of my wages every month and also paid for all my own clothes etc. I also did all my own washing and helped around the house.
Dh (eldest child) had to pay £100 a month which means in the supposed interest of fainess siblings were/are all expected to pay £100 a month regardless of wage once they worked full-time and MIL does EVERYTHING.
This means 27 is BIL swanning round in a BMW, going on luxury holidays three times a year and still having Mil run his bath and wash his undies.

notsoteenagemum · 20/02/2010 10:19

not that I'm bitter or anything!

LynetteScavo · 21/02/2010 08:09

Surely kids should be taught to start to start their won pension/savings...not having it saved for them by their parents for their board.

Very patronising, IMO. My 11 yo is already saving for his first car (and has been for a while. He totally understands about mortgages, and that he will need to save for a deposit. WE haven't yet moved on to pensions, but as parents we'll be making him aware he needs to save for one. We certainly won't be taking money off him, then putting it away so he has a nice surprise. The only thing that will teach him is that we'll always bail him out.

Don't A'level students have to been in school full time these days? When I was at school (admittedly a long time ago) we had to be there for normal school hours. We went to lessons, and studied in between. Then we went to after school clubs.

And my firends who did as MillyR's son's school sugests, and; "If a specific task has not been set students should still use the time to review their learning, prepare for
controlled assessments or, if applicable, work on coursework." were the ones who got the best A'levels and toddled off to the best Uni's. And come to think of it are earning the most now.