to make my ds1 share a bedroom so that I can have another baby?

[carmenelectra]

I have 3 sons and the eldest is almost 11. Currently he shares his bedroom with my middle child, but we have promised him his own room this yr so he can have his own space as there is a big age gap. At the minute the youngest has the room which will be his(its decorated as a nursery).

The problem is i am thinking that maybe i would like 4th child and in which case ds1 would have to stay where he is.

Am i being selfish to want another and is it mean to let ds1 down? I wouldnt ttc for a couple of years maybe, so He could technically have the room for a bit, then move back if i did have another child, but is that a bit mean?

Maybe having another baby is unreasonable full stop. I am 39 and we cannot afford to move to a bigger house or extend. Is it cruel to mAKE ds1 to possibly have to share with two toddlers when he will be a teenager just so i can have another baby?In the 'olden'days though families had to put up with a lot worse didnt they?!Like half a dozen in one room?!

Oh and thanks coldhands.Violet, well I am very maternal, love having kids, always wanted 3 or 4 and i dont feel 'finished' as it were. As for what it would bring to the others, well im not sure. Another sibling to love and play with. Im sure it wont do them any harm. Iam only talking about about a total of 4 children

OH and it wasnt actually the 'dear little nursery' that i didnt want to give up, it was just a nursery as it were. A seperate room for all baby stuff as i previously posted.

We've always had each child sharing our room until they were 2.5.

Never had a 'nursery', just seemed a waste of space.

DD1 was in with us until DD2 came along - small 2 bed flat.

Then DD2 was with us until DS came along, when she was nearly 3, she moved in with DD1.

Now she and DD1 still share.

DS is 15 months and still in with us.

I am pregnant with no4 and have never had a designated nursery, DD1 well we were moving house soon after she was born so didn't want to decorate and put buyers off (small 2 bed flat), she slept in with us until we moved and she got her own room at 15 months.

DD2 was in with us until she was 12 months and we decorated her bedroom just before she moved as we couldn't afford it before them.

DD3 well we turfed DD2 out her tiny room and she and DD1 now share with DD3 having the box room.

Am pregnant with a DS and as we only have 2 1/2 bedrooms just now he won't be getting a nursery either. I would love to have a lovely baby blue room all decorated and matching but it isn't going to happen, he will be in with us for at least a year.

We are "lucky" in that we will have the money for an extension but need it to be built first and that will provide 4 bedrooms with the oldest two sharing as they are only 18 months apart.

If you want another baby go for it, life is far too short and in a few years you will regret not having another baby. Things liek bedrooms and sharing have a way of working themselves out.

We never had a nursery, but there'd be nothing wrong with having a rose-tinted view of one, very understandable really, if we'd had the chance we would have had one. The only way it wouldn't be as good would be if wanting to realise that rose-tinted dream won out over what would be best for other family members - that's the situation in which it could probably be said to be a bit self-indulgent! I do think you're doing the right thing trying for a new baby but still giving your eldest ds his own space.

I have a 3 bed house, I have 3 children.

Ds1 was 11 when Dd came along, no way I could make him share at that age esp with a little girl!

We had Ds2 17 months ago and he was in with us till recently, now Ds1 has his own room still, he is 17 now! Dd is now sharing with her baby brother, not ideal as she will be 6 soon but needs must, we have squeezed our kingsize bed into the smallest room, have chests of drawers on the landing etc.

We have just put in for planning permission for an extension!

Thanks expat and sweetkitty. You are both right, nursery not important.

Think i worded the title of this thread wrong, it should have been 'Should i have another baby when i only have a 3 bed house!'

Carmen, I think people's issue is that YOU want a baby but you want your eldest to be the one who gives up THEIR own room as a consequence.

Yes, it is quite a new idea that children don't share rooms, but it is also quite a new idea that adults don't! When my mother was little, she shared a bedroom with her mother, aunt and cousin. Her grandfather, uncle and father had the other bedroom and her great-grandmother slept in a bed in the sitting room. That was not unusual at the time.

My DD shared our bedroom until she was three. Again, that is not unusual.

So it is not a question of your son having to adapt to another baby because there are no other options, it is your son having to share a room with another child because you won't adapt by sharing your bedroom with YOUR baby.

Your DS could legally be a parent himself in five years: what if he accidently impregnates someone with these hypothetical triplets? Are you giving up your room then?

as a side to this did anyone else just use a bedroom for sleeping when they were a child and teenager? Mine just had a bed and wardrobe etc. I did homework downstairs in the dining room sitting with my sister doing hers and we watched TV downstairs, read down there, used computer downstairs! etc etc. I just went up at bedtime got into bed and went to sleep! I didnt leave home until
I am feeling like my children are suffering now because they dint have their own things in their rooms, just beds and clothes etc!

that should be didnt leave home until 2001 so i didnt grow up in victorian times !

Well i think it may be unfair for ds to share, but I think I just wasn't thinking about putting a 4th child in with us for more than 6mths and then the three in the same room.

If i do decide i do not want another, and i am not totally sure yet what to do, then it wont be cos of the size of the house. That doesn't seem like a good enough reason.

But Milly her DS is getting his own room, the little ones could all share right up until they are 8 or 9 even with a girl in the mix.

In 8 years time who knows what might change? Your DS might leave home, you might move or extend.

You can have the baby in with you until it's about two then decide how to split the rooms up.

With us it's not the sleeping arrangements but the amount of "stuff" they all have, none of it stacks away well.

MILLY

Its not that i dont want to give my room up, not all. That's not an issue. I was just thinking ahead to when hypothetical child number 4 was a bit older and what if it were a girl(i would hope so!)? I was thinking in that situation the girl could have her own room while the 3 boys shared. SO i didnt want to give ds1 that room 'just in case', if you seem what i mean. That would seem more logical. However, i realise that would be more logical if ds1 were the same age as the others, not 8 or 9 yrs older.

yes sweetkitty, its the stuff as well. We need a room just for that!

Fernie,
As a child i played downstairs too and my dcs do the same, they seem to prefer to play in the living room. It doesn't matter how many times i put toys upstairs then they bring them back down!

They mainly have toys in their room just out of the way really, rather than for playtime.

ALL ds1 does upstairs is read.

Excuse typing, baby on lap!

It would absolutely be more logical if your eldest wasn't so much older than the others. But, and I know you know this, your eldest might only read at 11, but at 14 it's going to be quite a different matter. So yes, his need for a separate room definitely wins out over Hypothetical Baby Daughter's needs. I think you are perhaps underestimating just how different he's going to be once he hits puberty.

Certainly, though, don't let the size of your house stop you having a fourth child. You'll work it out.