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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to make my ds1 share a bedroom so that I can have another baby?

92 replies

carmenelectra · 15/02/2010 13:31

I have 3 sons and the eldest is almost 11. Currently he shares his bedroom with my middle child, but we have promised him his own room this yr so he can have his own space as there is a big age gap. At the minute the youngest has the room which will be his(its decorated as a nursery).

The problem is i am thinking that maybe i would like 4th child and in which case ds1 would have to stay where he is.

Am i being selfish to want another and is it mean to let ds1 down? I wouldnt ttc for a couple of years maybe, so He could technically have the room for a bit, then move back if i did have another child, but is that a bit mean?

Maybe having another baby is unreasonable full stop. I am 39 and we cannot afford to move to a bigger house or extend. Is it cruel to mAKE ds1 to possibly have to share with two toddlers when he will be a teenager just so i can have another baby?In the 'olden'days though families had to put up with a lot worse didnt they?!Like half a dozen in one room?!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/02/2010 14:03

I don't see why the three youngest can't all share?

Original poster

carmenelectra · 15/02/2010 14:04

Yes quintessential, i think that would be my option. With the others i have had a nice little nursery tho, so i would feel a bit sad.

What if the 4th was a girl tho? I mean sharing with 2 boys?

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 15/02/2010 14:04

Do you feel you might feel regret so much when you have 3?
I'm not sure you need a nursery. The baby can sleep in with you until old enough to go in with the 2 other younger ones.
You might have a problem later if you have a girl though.
I do feel for your oldest hanging on to the thought he can have a space of his own this year.

mazzystartled · 15/02/2010 14:04

have baby in with you until 18 months or so. it would be unfair to make your eldest share with toddler siblings if you're not prepared to share with the baby.

in the meantime get saving for that loft conversion

mjinhiding · 15/02/2010 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Allidon · 15/02/2010 14:07

I agree with the PPs who have suggested you arrange it so the younger 3 share and your DS1 has the smallest room as promised. I don't think it is unreasonable for you to want another baby, or for children to share, but in this case you have already promised your DS that he will have a room to himself and I think to go back on this would not be fair on him and is likely to cause resentment towards this hypothetical baby.

Original poster

carmenelectra · 15/02/2010 14:07

mumtoalex, thanks. I thought more people would say what you have. Its what i kind of think, that having more siblings brings more to a family than the fact tat they may have share a room!I just hoped more people would reassure me

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 15/02/2010 14:09

It wouldn't be a problem for a 9 year old to share with his 7 year old brother and (hypothetical) 5 year old sister.

After that your eldest will probably be offski or you will have managed that loft conversion.

MumtoEliane · 15/02/2010 14:10

I wouldn't break the promise to the oldest, he might be resentful against the new baby, my DP shared a room all his life with the other 3 boys unti he left home and the only girl and second eldest was in a small room on her own. He hasn't got any trauma from it.

Original poster

carmenelectra · 15/02/2010 14:11

Actually ds 1 has never asked for his own room, he loves the one he has. He has bunk beds and he pulled a face when we said he could have the little room later on this yr! HE likes winding up the little un i think! It was us that said it might be better that the two younger ones share cos of similar bedtimes etc

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 15/02/2010 14:14

Why do you think you'd be "letting him down" then?

violethill · 15/02/2010 14:14

He's not yet 11 though - give him a year or two and he really will be wanting and needing some space without toddlers around.

MumtoEliane · 15/02/2010 14:15

He might be ok now, but when he is 14 or so I bet he will want a room for himself. Athough as I said my DP never had the choice, non of the boys. If he doesn't want to move then ok, but bear in mind that he might want to move later on, and maybe you want to move him so him can study in peace etc. Then again my DP used to study in the kitchen... all depends on you. I don't think YABU, but need to plan ahead

Original poster

carmenelectra · 15/02/2010 14:17

Paisley, cos although he didnt ask we suggested it and i think he quite liked the idea then and we said he could have a telly etc. Up and till then he was fine I DO IT IS BETTER THAT A CHILD OF HIS AGE, excuse caps has his own room, i just wish we had 4 bedrooms.

OP posts:

Original poster

carmenelectra · 15/02/2010 14:18

I am planning ahead- Ive got to talk dp into it first lol

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 15/02/2010 14:20

I agree with the others, could your DS have the smallest room to himself, then you and your DH have the next size room and then have the 3 youngest sharing?

I have 2 1/2 bedrooms just now and am pregnant with no4, DD1 and 2 are only 18 months apart and share a room, with DD3 in the tiny box room, we plan to have the baby in with us until we can build an extension or move.

slightlystressed · 15/02/2010 14:25

I think if you want to do a loft conversion at some point it'll be better to do it when you've got less kids.

What about saving really hard to try and get it done, once work starts then TTC and by the time the baby comes you'll have a 4 bed house.

If not then I agree with most posters and let the oldest have his own room (he'll need his own space to do his homework when at senior school) and the 3 youngest share the biggest room and you and DH have middle room, a teenager needs his own space more than a baby needs a nursery.

MrsC2010 · 15/02/2010 14:26

I really wouldn't want/let a teenage share with little 'uns, they will struggle with their hormones enough. I have nothing against room sharing, but you have to be fair. The baby doesn't 'need' a nursery, but it will be difficult if you have a girl. This won't change whilst you're in the same size house though, as teenagers get older they need more space not less, so most children will reasonably resent this.

I think however that you have come onto here to get opinions backing you up, you are certainly only interested in acknowledging/listening to thise that agree with you.

paisleyleaf · 15/02/2010 14:26

Are any of the rooms (maybe yours) big enough, or got enough windows for, a stud partition wall?
Or, I've seen a good way, if you're really tight for space, with a bunk bed in the middle of the room with board so each bunk is open to it's own space.
this sort of thing

fernie3 · 15/02/2010 14:31

I dont see the problem with children sharing BUT it is going to be harder if you want children of more than c few years age gap to share, different bedtimes, tastes etc.
We have a girls room and boys room at the moment, but all of our children are within 5 years of each other and all are under 6, so no problems yet.If you can get all of the younger ones sharing so that the older ones are not sharing with a toddler or young child it would be better.
If the 11 year old isnt bothered about his own room in general then I wouldnt worry too much,I had my own room but spent most of my childhood and teen years with my sister in mine leaving hers empty because we were lonely on our own!.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 15/02/2010 14:31

YABU, he's going to really need his space and privacy during his teen years. Likelihood is he will resent baby if you let him down because of it

TabithaTwitchet · 15/02/2010 14:43

I would have younger 3 in together - or baby in your room for a couple of years.

I shared with my siblings until I left home to go to university (they are a fair bit younger than me - I was 11 when youngest was born) Yes they were a bit annoying sometimes, and sometimes I wished I had my own room - but I'd rather have my brothers and sisters than have had more privacy as a teen.

gagamama · 15/02/2010 14:46

What if you have twins?! I think you are being quite selfish TBH and I can't really see why a baby would need it's own room more than a teen/pre-teen. Have the baby in your room until it is old enough to share with its two youngest siblings. I assume you have a quiet space for DS1 to do his homework, GCSE revision etc without toddler interruption? Because otherwise YABVVU.

paisleyleaf · 15/02/2010 14:47

"What if you have twins?!"
There's a thought. I know someone who thought she'd just have one more and got that shock.

PeachyPeachyEverPreachy · 15/02/2010 14:51

I don't think it is at all cruel: compelting your family is of significant importance to you, a teenager whoc annot cope with a change of plans is ill equipped for life.

But talk to him when you conceive, give him warning,look for ways to adapt the bedrooms that you haven't thought of- a partition screen for example.

Mine won'tever get their own room,it'sjust the way it is- ATM ds4 is in with us in fact and I can'tsee it any other way for a good while as thre is an autistic child in ach of the other rooms. Way it is.

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