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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we should not have sat there and taken this

67 replies

AccioPinotGrigio · 15/02/2010 12:40

A good friend of ours invited dh and I out for dinner on saturday night. He also invited some friends of his we had never met.

DH is a talker and so he kicked off the conversation with questions about them and went on to talk a bit about work and blah blah. All the way through one of the men in the party was just so rude. Picking on things dh said in a very 'belittling' manner.

The subject turned to football, dh is fan of a small local team and takes our ds to home games. This man and his friend sitting next to him snorted loudly at this and went on a rant about how vile football was, how football fans were vulgarians intent on shouting obscenities and engaging in aggressive tribal violence.

When dh tried to argue the other side - that condemning footie as a game for the 'plebs' was at the very least, unfair - this man turned away and said loudly to somebody next to him. "This man insists on talking about football - terribly bad form isn't it". DH let it drop but these men were adamant that football was a heathen sport - despite having only been to one or two games between them.

These people were high achieving, intellectual types - writers and journalists. I did think they may have been looking for an argument - in the sense of a heated debate which is fair enough, no problem having a balanced discussion but to me this was bordering on plain rude - towards the end of the evening one of them even referred to some friends of ours, he had never met, as "odious" - to be fair he didn't know we knew them.

DH was fairly sanguine about it. He didn't feel offended because he thought these people were essentially arseholes with whom we had nothing in common - therefore no need to rise to it.

I on the other hand am so angry that I sat there and took it and am of the opinion that if I ever have to endure the company of these people again, I will not hold back. Dh thinks this is ridiculous and that I am slightly insecure.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 15/02/2010 12:41

how rude - what a wanker

notwavingjustironing · 15/02/2010 12:41

Next time they ask you to go out with them, don't!

edam · 15/02/2010 12:42

Don't think you are the one who is insecure, think the other guests are.

But why would you have to see them ever again?

thelunar66 · 15/02/2010 12:44

Having been subjected to this sort of treatment myself in the past, I am fuming on your behalf OP

They sound like total arseholes TBH, but no amount of telling them that would give them any insight.

Rude bastards.

I'd have been tempted to tip a drink over them.

Arseholes!

AnyFucker · 15/02/2010 12:44

just swerve them next time

your dh did the right thing to not rise to provocation

if he had, he wouldn't "win", what is the point ?

thehillsarealive · 15/02/2010 12:46

oh! how rude??? I cannot abide people like that and I would avoid them at all costs in future. Just be safe in the knowledge that you and your DH are normal people and they are twunts of the highest order.

I wouldnt have said anything to them either - that would have been rising to the bait in my opinion and you would have come off as 'a silly little woman' in the eyes of the twunts.

euch what a waste of an evening though.

Earlybird · 15/02/2010 12:47

Where was the host in all this ugliness? He should have intervened, or politely pulled his 'friends' up for their rudeness.

Have you heard from the host since? IMO, he should have been on the phone to you apologising for the way the evening went.

AnyFucker · 15/02/2010 12:48

yeah, waste of an evening...those few hours you will never get back

just resolve to not waste any more of your precious time on twats like that

Eadwacer · 15/02/2010 12:56

Heh! I have the misfortune to have pals who're mostly academics, writers, journalists etc. Dinner party conversation is not only likely to include football but also Jordan, how amazing the cured meats are at Lidl, and bumsex.

Bunchatwats. Don't worry about it & thank the good Lord your better half's not like that.

TrickyTeenagersMum · 15/02/2010 13:03

Oh god, god, god, if I ever needed reminding why I left the meeja and moved home to Devon, this post is why. You must have felt like poking your own (or their) eyes out with the cheese knife.
Think you should leave it, obv never go there again. Your dh showed them in his behaviour that he, as footie fan, is no hooligan. He behaved like a gent, they are sad embittered arseholes.
If any consolation, writing, journalism and associated jobs have fallen off a cliff financially - people who once for £100k book advance now get £25k, and journalism rates and jobs have been slashed. They are probably all pensionless and penniless, with only their worthless opinions to fall back in, no wonder they are so insecure and only wanting to make themselves feel good at the expense of others.
Poor you, no wonder you are fuming.

Original poster
AccioPinotGrigio · 15/02/2010 13:11

thanks all for comments.

earlybird we all met up in a restaurant so it wasn't a hosted do as such. However I don't think the friend who organised it was aware of the conversation. He seemed to think it was all great.

AF that's exactly what I said - three hours of my life I will never get back.

To be honest I felt like a little girl again. I don't often hold back in a reasoned debate but because these guys had a good 20 years on me I regressed to a ' do not question the adults' head space. This pissed me off even more. It takes a lot for me to feel like a valid functioning adult and Saturday night kind of pulled the rug from under my feet.

OP posts:
edam · 15/02/2010 13:11

I'm a journalist, none of my journalist mates would act like this.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 15/02/2010 13:13

men who can't talk about football always feel emasculated about it and lash out, ime.

Bucharest · 15/02/2010 13:17

Gosh, they sound like wozzerface in Bridget Jones, Woney's lardy husband and his cronies.

YANBU at all. The bloke was being a wanker, and I bet he needs a magnifying glass to find his penis which is why he has to talk down to other men.

TrickyTeenagersMum · 15/02/2010 13:20

Edam - hear what you are saying, but it's also true that some of the (older) hacks can be total arseholes, esp when drunk. And these guys are 20 years older than OP. I too have many journo pals who are lvioeoy and charming and genuinely nice, but I have had nights out with some of the old-school guys at the Guardian and BBC ages ago (they've all left/died now) where they were very, very rude and opinionated.
Thing is really to give as good as you get and wade in, as most of the time they are just flexing their debating muscles and don't really mean it. With the "odious" comment would have been fun to say "Oh but he's a close friend".
Once you know you never ever want to see them or impress them again, you may as well let 'em have it!. But is easier said than done, I probably would have just sat there are fumed too.

TrickyTeenagersMum · 15/02/2010 13:20

lvoiey - i mean LOVELY. Jesus

notnowbernard · 15/02/2010 13:22

Agree with Aitch, it makes them all insecure and wibbly. But being men they have to act all superior about it rather than saying "it's not really my thing, don't know much about it tbh"

I personally can't trust a man who doesn't know anything about football

Original poster
AccioPinotGrigio · 15/02/2010 13:29

Tricky these were old-school as you describe. News and current affairs hacks. I did give them the benefit of the doubt ie they are deliberately provocative and enjoy fierce debate ... but this was rude.

At one point, one of them even identified himself as being part of "the intellectual elite". I felt like screaming out - if that's the case how can you hold such narrow opinions and, worse than that, opinions based on NOTHING! Not even first hand experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
AccioPinotGrigio · 15/02/2010 13:32

notnowbernard lol that's what my dad used to say. In fact he went one further and used to tell me never to date a boy who didn't follow a football team.

OP posts:
minouminou · 15/02/2010 13:33

Nouveau insecure types.
I'm another one in the "we have lots of uber-mega-high-achieving-friends" camp.
GPs, academics, law firm partners etc etc
Spend half an hour with us, you'd think you were in a Carry On film - and a particularly low-brow one at that....with a bit of help from Roger's Profanisaurus.
Also....what your dh did wasn't bad form....this guy most likely heard someone else say that once and thought it sounded impressive.
Cockmunches.
Thing is, they know they're out of order, but hope you'll feel the way you did.
If you have to meet them again, say "Oh yes, I remember"...look them in the eye and then avert your gaze to a few degrees left of their left ear, give a vague smile and then turn away.
Can you tell I've dealt with this shite before.
I tell you, though....try it...works a treat.

piscesmoon · 15/02/2010 13:33

I think that your DH did the right thing. They wanted to provoke him and he didn't rise to it-in many ways that is harder. They aren't worth bothering about. I wouldn't even mention it to the good friend, if any comment is made just make some bland statement and move on.

TrickyTeenagersMum · 15/02/2010 13:35

The intellectual elite
hahahahahahahhaaaaaaaH.
Good grief, I can't believe anyone would actually say that.
give you a tenner if you can even HINT who they are, go on, pleeease!

minouminou · 15/02/2010 13:36

Yeah....fierce debate allows right o' reply, and someone exercising this right isn't showing bad form.
Ah've said it one, and Ah'll seh it again....cockmunches.

Original poster
AccioPinotGrigio · 15/02/2010 13:39

"Also....what your dh did wasn't bad form....this guy most likely heard someone else say that once and thought it sounded impressive."

minouminou pmsl.

Our mutual friend did call on Sunday to ask if we enjoyed ourselves and I just said pointedly "the food was fantastic" and left it hanging. He's on another planet most days and so didn't get the obvious inference.

Thanks all for your comments. The saddest thing is I spent a large part of Sunday being pissed at dh for not speaking up. Totally unfair of me.

OP posts:
Rollmops · 15/02/2010 13:41

Hmmmm.... one might well think along the same lines about football, however, one would never voice ones opinions in a company of others whilst someone in the said company is happily professing his love towards the game. Now that would be bad form.

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