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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think we should not have sat there and taken this

67 replies

AccioPinotGrigio · 15/02/2010 12:40

A good friend of ours invited dh and I out for dinner on saturday night. He also invited some friends of his we had never met.

DH is a talker and so he kicked off the conversation with questions about them and went on to talk a bit about work and blah blah. All the way through one of the men in the party was just so rude. Picking on things dh said in a very 'belittling' manner.

The subject turned to football, dh is fan of a small local team and takes our ds to home games. This man and his friend sitting next to him snorted loudly at this and went on a rant about how vile football was, how football fans were vulgarians intent on shouting obscenities and engaging in aggressive tribal violence.

When dh tried to argue the other side - that condemning footie as a game for the 'plebs' was at the very least, unfair - this man turned away and said loudly to somebody next to him. "This man insists on talking about football - terribly bad form isn't it". DH let it drop but these men were adamant that football was a heathen sport - despite having only been to one or two games between them.

These people were high achieving, intellectual types - writers and journalists. I did think they may have been looking for an argument - in the sense of a heated debate which is fair enough, no problem having a balanced discussion but to me this was bordering on plain rude - towards the end of the evening one of them even referred to some friends of ours, he had never met, as "odious" - to be fair he didn't know we knew them.

DH was fairly sanguine about it. He didn't feel offended because he thought these people were essentially arseholes with whom we had nothing in common - therefore no need to rise to it.

I on the other hand am so angry that I sat there and took it and am of the opinion that if I ever have to endure the company of these people again, I will not hold back. Dh thinks this is ridiculous and that I am slightly insecure.

OP posts:

taffetacat · 15/02/2010 16:51

I had a similar experience at a friend's dinner with a friend of theirs. TBH, I was so taken aback at the vitriol I just took it.

Its never happened before or since. A few others there who know me well were surprised that neither DH or I responded.

I look back on it now pleased at the way we handled it. The person just dug themselves a hole and we kept our dignity. Silence speaks a thousand words in some situations.

MrsC2010 · 15/02/2010 17:01

Ditto Ziggurat, give me a rugby fan or a yachtie any day. I have never had any interest in football, or known well any man who does.

HOWEVER, I am happy to talk about whatever is going at dinners etc, it is the differences between people that make for interesting conversations! You can guarantee I'd learn something in any conversation about football.

Regardless of the topic of conversation these people were horrifically rude, ill-mannered and displayed absolutely no social skills. Not liking football does not make you the intellectual elite, it means you don't like a sport...end of. Being this rude does not make you the elite at anything.

MrsC2010 · 15/02/2010 17:03

BTW Accio, I think your husband displayed real maturity, restraint and class...shame your companions can't say the same!

I do know how you feel though, you always come away wishing you could have thought of the one cutting comment that would bring them to the sudden realisation of how awful they were.

sayithowitis · 15/02/2010 17:38

Aitch, thus far the lack of interest in sport really has not been a problem for DS1. Based upon his intended career when he finishes university, it will not be an issue there either. ironically, for someone who is so completely lacking in any sporting interest, he is at one of, if not THE, most sports orientated university in this country and yet has still managed to have an amazing group of friends who incidentally, always want him as first choice for quiz teams etc etc. Could of course be down to his encyclopaedic knowledge about anything musical I suppose ( and no, he is not studying music).

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 16/02/2010 09:03

lol, sayithowitis. what is it that you're trying to convince me of, though?

MillyR · 16/02/2010 09:22

None of the men in my family play any kind of sport or watch any kind of sport. Most of the men I have dated have had no interest in sport. I remember DH really wanting me to have a girl because he thought he couldn't be a Father to a boy as he couldn't teach them how to play football. I told him he was being insane!

Like all the people in my family, DS rides a bike and does lots of outdoor playing and walking. It had never occurred to me that watching or playing sports mattered so much to people! I was at parent's evening the other day and DS's PE teacher was going on about the importance of playing sport outside of school. I thought she was being a bit over-zealous.

This is what I like about MN though. It shows me when my views are completely out of sync with everyone else's!

sayithowitis · 16/02/2010 09:24

Not really trying to convince you of anything , just wondering whether the lack of interest in sport is really likely to be a problem for any male in the future? I can see that would be the case in certain circles, but I would have thought that for most people, it really isn't an issue. I certainly know many males who have no interest in sport of any kind and it doesn't seem to have hindered their opportunities, but maybe that is because of the type of jobs they do? I don't know. Certainly I know of headteachers and at least one consultant surgeon whose only interest in sport is because of the effect it has on their jobs. And DH tells me that there was a well known Argentinian international footballer who actually hated it! He did it as a job because he happened to be good at it, but would never talk about it or play other than a means of making a living!

Ziggurat · 16/02/2010 09:28

MillyR - my family is exactly the same, and I KNOW it is considered weird by many! My Dad has zero interest in sport - not even enough to slag it off, it just does not blip on his radar at all.

Likewise my brother is not into sport at all (although he is gay so not a massive surprise! ).

DH does like sport, but is not fanatical - I did go out with a sports fanatic once and swore I would never do it again. I have never been SO bored in all my life.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 16/02/2010 09:32

lol at the fact that your dh doesn't know the name of the footballer.

SeaTrek · 16/02/2010 09:40

The man in question just sounds like a complete wanker for want of a better word.

I wish I could be more like your husband and not get so incredibly annoyed by twats like this.

Pheebe · 16/02/2010 10:47

In these situations I find a fairly benign comment such as "are you always so rude to people you've only just met" generally belittles the other party sufficiently to shut them up without you having to be rude yourself.

Your DH is right though...why care what they think, others will be thinking the same as you

Morloth · 16/02/2010 10:57

Football talk is boring, there is no getting around it, as boring as when I talk about stuff that interests me and no-one else.

However, you don't actually say that. You smile and listen politely for a bit, and maybe gently try to change the subject. If you are stuck with an absolute loon who can't talk about anything else, you either grin and bear it or work out some way of getting away from them without them noticing that you have fallen asleep.

How do such rude people function on a day to day level? I am pretty cranky but can still control myself.

sayithowitis · 16/02/2010 11:37

He does, he told me before going to work but I forgot. ! However,Ii'v just checked and apparently it was Batistuta. I am also reliably informed that there are several players in the premiership who also don't actually enjoy the game! It seems that they tend to wait until they have retired from the game before admitting it though!

Pikelit · 16/02/2010 14:15

"These people were high achieving, intellectual types"

They hadn't achieved much, had they? All this interlektualising and still utter fuckwits. Your DH was admirable in his restraint.

(PS. How cheered I am to read of fellow afficionados of Roger's Profanisaurus)

mattellie · 16/02/2010 15:15

at pikelit ? they certainly haven?t managed to achieve any manners!

On the subject of sportsmen and women not actually enjoying what they do, this isn?t that uncommon, apparently. Anyone who?s read Andre Agassi?s excellent recent biography will know that he hated playing tennis.

Longtalljosie · 16/02/2010 15:26

Most journalists who've worked in proper newsrooms have friends / respected colleagues who are sports journalists. If they don't know much about sport themselves they view it as a specialism they don't have, and respect it as such.

Anyone who needs to say out loud they are part of the intellectual elite, clearly isn't.

princessparty · 16/02/2010 17:09

There is an old saying that "football is a gentleman?s game played by hooligans, and rugby is a hooligans? game played by gentlemen".
I tend to agree with the rude men that football is vile, but wouldn't have said that to your DH.I am guessing that they had a lot to drink by this point ?

BTW I think your DH behaved with a lot of dignity , much better than squabbling back.

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