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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to grass my dh up to his family for being a shit

65 replies

twotimes · 13/02/2010 21:54

I recently passed my driving test . my dh was sometimesish with his support during my learning which took 6 months. sometimes he complained that I was using money for lessons instead of using it in the house or contributing to his car which I just ignored. Towards the end a few weeks before my test he started saying to anyone who would listen that he couldn't wait for me to pass my test as I would be able to share the driving. He even said he thought it would be a good idea to put me as the main driver.

As he works up the road (it literally takes me and 2 dc's under 4 10 minutes to walk there) and it takes me 1 and a half hours to do the school run of a morning I thought it would be a no brainer. I drive the car when I pass my test.

After I passed my test and went to share the good news with him he was really happy for me (it seemed), he even called his mom to share the good news! I then asked him to call the insurance to find out how much it would cost to put me on as an additional driver. When I asked at the end of the day he said he'd forgotten. two days later he'd still forgotten. So I suggested he call then and there to which he responded "Why do you want to drive anyway?" I was like, because I have to take our two dc's to a separate school and nursery every day and altogether it takes me 4 hours during the day. To which we had an argument which ended with him saying "It's my car anyway I bought it with my own money" .

A month later we've gone to stay with the il's; all whom have asked whether or not I'm driving the car yet, to which I replied "DH doesn't want me to drive his car"

Was this unreasonable?? DH is pissed. (Sorry for the long post )

OP posts:

ScreaminEagle · 13/02/2010 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bruxeur · 13/02/2010 21:56

Your husband's a prick. hth.

fandango75 · 13/02/2010 21:57

no he is a knob serves him right.

RuthChan · 13/02/2010 21:57

NYANBU!!
You're right. He's being a shit.
If he doesn't want you to drive 'his' car, he should buy you one of your own!

TheFirstLady · 13/02/2010 21:57

Pissed at you for telling the truth? He is being an arse then, isn't he? YANBU at all and the sooner he realises it the better.

CMOTdibbler · 13/02/2010 21:57

YANBU. What's up with him that he doesn't want your life to be easier fgs

pjmama · 13/02/2010 21:58

You told the truth. He doesn't like it because he knows he's being an arse.

elmofan · 13/02/2010 21:58

YADNBU - he is a twat .

thehillsarealive · 13/02/2010 21:59

nope YA NOT BU but he is definitely being an arse of the highest order.

Northernlurker · 13/02/2010 22:02

Well done on the test.

Bad luck with the arsehole you're married to.

Have you actually seen his insurance documentation?

I don't think he has any - and that's why he won't let you drive the car. He can't add you to the insurance because there is none. Thefore if you prang the car like most new drivers do he would have to pay. That would be a problem for him but driving without insurance isn't because of course he is an excellent driver and would never crash

I hope I'm wrong......look for the paperwork!

SrStanislaus · 13/02/2010 22:04

"It's my car anyway I bought it with my own money" . Is it ? Did he? Do you both have your own money?
If you don't then he didn't and he needs a swift and painful kick up the arse.

I personally would not have waited a month, in this weather ,for permission to take his children to school.He would have been on the phone changing his insurance and his attitude post haste.

His family need to know exactly how he treats you and his children.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 13/02/2010 22:05

YANBU. He is a twat. 'It's my car and I bought it with my own money.' How old is he, 6? There's no such thing as 'my own money' when you're married with children. That's why people have to pay divorce lawyers to sort it all out at the end.

fulltimeworkingmum · 13/02/2010 22:10

OMG - I'm so sorry for you. I'm sure it was all lovely to start with but you have married a small boy who does not want to share his toys.
Give him an ultimatum or give him the boot...along with the alimony threat...see if that has any effect..

Original poster

twotimes · 13/02/2010 22:15

lol northernlurker i have seen the documentation, i gave it to him when one of his excuses for not calling was "I can't find the number"

srstanislaus he has his own money, I gave up work to be a stahm so i only get tax credits (which are shit) and chb. The weather has been shit and to add insult to injury he asked me "what's wrong with walking".

Tbh I gave up and my friend has thankfully offered to sell me her car, although I won't be able to afford it until Sept. I'm just so angry I'm having a rant. His family thinks the sun shines out of his arse and tbh they don't even seem bothered.

OP posts:

mumbobumbo · 13/02/2010 22:16

I just hope for your that he didn't get his attitudes from his family! Or they aren't going to support you much.

snala · 13/02/2010 22:17

YANBU he is a twat tbh.

ScreaminEagle · 13/02/2010 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

twotimes · 13/02/2010 22:32

Fulltimeworkingmum you are so right although I should have seen the signs before he's never exactly been loose with his money. I wish an ultimatum would work but as well as childish he's as stubborn as fuck. He thinks it's absolutely fine to make us walk and most of his family literally haven't questioned it, although his little brother did look a little puzzled and asked "you make her walk" to which he was given a swift dirty look and ignored.

OP posts:

Casmama · 13/02/2010 22:33

If I were you I would tell him that if he won't let you drive the car then he will have to do the school/nursery drop off before he goes to work. I would tell everyone about his attitude in the hope that he is embarassed enough to change his viewpoint.

WickedWench · 13/02/2010 22:55

Too right. Whoever has the car does the school run. That was the rule in our house. Unless one of us had to be in exceptionally early which was rare.

If he were my DH he'd suddenly find his clothes weren't being washed and ironed or that the kids and me had eaten when he got in from work. Hey, the school run takes SUCH a long time that I couldn't possibly do everything that needs doing during the rest of the day I'm at home!

Could you take the spare key, walk the kids down to his office and take the car to do the school run and ring him and tell him you've got it and are using it? AFTER he's added you to the insurance obviously! When you've done that a few times he might have to admit defeat.

differentnameforthis · 14/02/2010 00:07

The first thing my dh did when I passed was to help me find a car, I too am a SAHM, so don't earn....if he refused, I have found a way to get a car!

He is threatened by your new skill? Maybe feels threatened because it is one thing you no longer 'need' him for.

Once you do get a car, make sure that you know how to run it, oil, water, petrol, tyres etc...and never give him a lift or let him drive it. Two can play that game!

differentnameforthis · 14/02/2010 00:09

Is he threatened by your new skill?

Devendra · 14/02/2010 07:09

I would get my own insurance but pay it out of joint account. The just get up one morning and take the car.

Seriously though I couldnt be in a relationship with someone who was such a mean twat.

ArcticFox · 14/02/2010 07:21

Tell him he can either pay for the car insurance or a divorce lawyer. His choice.

Apart from anything else, it is really important that you practice driving after passing your test, otherwise you lose confidence and forget a lot of it.

I remember my dad coming out with me for an hour a day for 2 weeks after I passed my test to make sure it had sunk in and to give me practice on dual carriageways etc.

2boys2 · 14/02/2010 07:30

my god - i am quite well actually very, disgusted by him. I can not believe that a man can have so little regard for his wife and children. Why on earth does he drive the 10 minutes to work anyway?? I am speechless with shock at the way he treats you.

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