AIBU to grass my dh up to his family for being a shit

[twotimes]

I recently passed my driving test . my dh was sometimesish with his support during my learning which took 6 months. sometimes he complained that I was using money for lessons instead of using it in the house or contributing to his car which I just ignored. Towards the end a few weeks before my test he started saying to anyone who would listen that he couldn't wait for me to pass my test as I would be able to share the driving. He even said he thought it would be a good idea to put me as the main driver.

As he works up the road (it literally takes me and 2 dc's under 4 10 minutes to walk there) and it takes me 1 and a half hours to do the school run of a morning I thought it would be a no brainer. I drive the car when I pass my test.

After I passed my test and went to share the good news with him he was really happy for me (it seemed), he even called his mom to share the good news! I then asked him to call the insurance to find out how much it would cost to put me on as an additional driver. When I asked at the end of the day he said he'd forgotten. two days later he'd still forgotten. So I suggested he call then and there to which he responded "Why do you want to drive anyway?" I was like, because I have to take our two dc's to a separate school and nursery every day and altogether it takes me 4 hours during the day. To which we had an argument which ended with him saying "It's my car anyway I bought it with my own money" .

A month later we've gone to stay with the il's; all whom have asked whether or not I'm driving the car yet, to which I replied "DH doesn't want me to drive his car"

Was this unreasonable?? DH is pissed. (Sorry for the long post )

Does he keep his salary whilst you have tax credits?

Who pays food/bills?

Start charging him for everything you do for him.

I'm sorry he sounds awful.

OP,( and clown), YA definitely NBU! your dh seems to have got off lightly. I would tell everyone within earshot about his behaviour!

fwiw, my ex used to do similar stuff, I'd be taking the train or walking, while he had the car. The excuses varied. Sometimes he needed it because he was at home with the children, and therefoe needed a car to take them round, and other times he needed it because I was only at home with the chidlren, and didn't need a car.

twotimes - is it your husband who is also very controlling over days out or is that someone else's prat?

Really - is he worth it?

Is that the sort of example you want for his children?

i only passed my test 1.5yrs ago and my dh was similar, i think that 'the car' is abit like 'the shed' used to be for men, it's their domaine. so i went out and bought myself a £700 car (and a shed!) and it's been brill, no probs at all! i'd just get someone who knows about cars, or a local garage to find you something in your price range. insurance is also cheap on older cars.

good luck, sorry to hear about the controll issues, he really should get his priorities right, but you should also take charge of the purse strings too maybe?

I would suggest you get your own car, don't put him on the insurance and make sure you learn yourself how to put air in the tyres, put oil in and ater.

if you really want I will come and take you to the garage to show you how.

Go and look at cars and get the aa to look over it - dont involve him and show yourself that you are perfectly capable of doing it all on your own.

Earlybird, i honestly don't think he thought it would come up, he doesn't think that far ahead, if he did think about it I'm sure he just figured I'd play the doting wife, smile and say i'm not ready. Fortunately i had the 2 other sil (married to his brothers), his sister and his mother on my side. All who looked at him and said that's absolutely ridiculous. One of the married sil's said her dh was the same. My mil said that's what fil did to her and none of the men (bar youngest bil who is 18) said anything! a case of "runs in the family". He was pissed tht I'd said something though and f'd off for 3 hours last night.

He is a shit when it comes to finances Dominique generally, kids don't need new toys or clothes and my mom despises him for it.

Don't ask me why I'm still with him he has done some things a hell of a lot worse than this but his behaviour has improved in some situations. however I know it's not healthy partnership, and i honestly don't believe he knows how to have one, in heartened conversations with mil she has revealed terrible things fil has done, and dh has seemed to follow his lead in some respects.

oh 2boys2 that isn't my dh, he can't control many things I do because I have a lot of help from family and friends that's why I think he's being twat over this, because this is something he can control.

Ivykaty tht really is what I'm going to do, I'll have the money to get one in a couple months and in the meantime I'm going to do the pass plus to keep up my skills and do some sort of motoring course to make sure i know basic mechanics (do they even do that?? - I'll hve to look into into it).

Sorry to sound melodramatic but I don't think the car is the main issue here. I think your main problem is his bizarre and frankly Victorian attitude to the marital finances.

You have given up your career to look after his children? You need a joint account and totally equal access to his wages. I would prioritise sorting that out first of all. Then getting some insurance for his car would not be a problem.

As to how to do it, as another poster has suggested, how about going on strike regarding his meals, washing etc? I can hardly believe someone is in this situation in the 21st century.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck with it.

You sound as though you don't like him, and he clearly doesn't regard you as an equal partner. This relationship is doomed unless you start sharing your money and possessions and regarding your marriage as a partnership, and liking each other and doing things for each other a bit.
The car should be a household car in a marriage, unless you are wealthy enough to have 1 each and car obsessed enough to be fussy.
When you get married a car stops being a toy and becomes a means of transport especially if you have kids.

What a selfish git - so expects his children to be out in the cold/rain/snow for an hour and half so he can take the car 10 minutes up the road

You dont have access to "his" money!!

When I first passed my test, my dh bought me a car for my birthday. Dont get me wrong it was someone else's project (they'd lost interest half way through) and only cost £50 plus a couple of bungs to BIL and FIL for a bit of work but the principal is that your DH's reaction isnt normal. He should be overjoyed that you have gained a new skill and extra independence that will be a godsend as you have dc's that need ferrying around.

I think you need to have a frank discussion about where is priorities lie tbh.

2rebecca it's not that I don't like them, it's just that he's got some shit personality traits but hey nobody's perfect

ANYHOW IT WORKED LADIES!!!!!!!!!!! Got the keys to the car this morning, not to do the school run (half term) but to go to ASDA lol. Apparently mil's been on the phone to him, and he "realised he was being selfish"

Wa-hey! Thank goodness for family networks! They can make things bad, if everyone gangs up on one person, but when that person has it coming.....

"realised he was being selfish"?

I reckon he's been lurking on here and did some mental arithmetic about divorce lawyers....

well twotimes that is good news!

I was the driver in our relationship, DH couldnt drive - well he could, but hadnt passed his test, and never needed a car where we used to live. Anyway, I drove everywhere and still do most of the driving when we are out, but the first thing I did when he passed his test was let him drive 'my' car and then he bought a little car for himself. Yes I was a bit oh god what if he crashes??? but i soon got over it and now he has the 'fab' car and I have a 4x4 for ferrying the kids and dogs around in which I love.

disclaimer I NEED a 4x4 where we live.

I can't think why you asked , your dh is BU and sounds like a twunt.