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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

fed up with being told me wanting to delay ds's school entry is more about me wanting to keep him young than him being not ready

76 replies

emkana · 12/02/2010 22:27

He has dwarfism, so he is physically small (and always will be).

His speech is severely delayed.

He is very emotionally immature, still extremely attached to me, prone to violent mood swings, frequently anxious.

He gets tired easily. Due to his short legs he can't walk very far and he falls over all the time.

Yet professionals everywhere keep telling me that he will benefit more from being in school than from having another year at home (plus playgroup/preschool sessions, same as now).

It makes me so MAD, but I feel so powerless!

OP posts:

sfxmum · 12/02/2010 22:30

I am sorry you are feeling this way
your are his mother you should decide
X

Paulinespens · 12/02/2010 22:30

I dunno. Perhaps he'd benefit from school. How old is he?

Original poster

emkana · 12/02/2010 22:32

He will be 4 in June.

OP posts:

saggyhairyarse · 12/02/2010 22:36

I am sorry you feel so unsupported

Obviously I have nothing to base this on other than being a parent myself but my DS only settled into school in Y2 as he has a visual impairment and speech delaysand so I am with you.

You are his mother and you do know him better than anyone else. When is his birthday?

sfxmum · 12/02/2010 22:37

mine is also a June child, now one of the youngest in the class, I notice the difference and sometimes wonder if I made the right decision and dd does not have the same issues
I think it is normal to feel protective does not mean you are wrong

saggyhairyarse · 12/02/2010 22:37

Well in that case you can keep him home for amost another year no problem as they don't have to start until after their 5th birthday. And you could go down the homeschooling route to delay it a bit too.

BarbaMamma · 12/02/2010 22:38

You know best - stick to your guns. I'm keeping DC out because I think he'll benefit from more time playing and building up his confidence with us before starting full time education. Many countries don't start kids at school until they are six very successfully. I don't believe UK education policy makers are taking all the research and experience on this issue into account in the way they run schooling in this country, and so am choosing to do what I feel is the best for my kids.

Maybe come up with some strategies for how to strengthen you boy's development over the next year, i.e. activities to build up his confidence and coordination, etc. That way you'll have something to counter with when they put school forward as the best option. Good luck!

Original poster

emkana · 12/02/2010 22:40

Thing is I know I can keep him at home till he's 5 but then he'll have to go straight into Year 1, which is even worse! I would want him to go into reception next year when he's 5.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 12/02/2010 22:40

yanbu, you know your child's needs the best. What sort of support package are the professionals suggesting if he started in September?

Will he able to start reception at 5, or go straight into year 1?

TotalChaos · 12/02/2010 22:41

cross-posted

mrspoppins · 12/02/2010 22:41

Why do the professionals feel this way? Have they told you?

2shoescoveredinhearts · 12/02/2010 22:43

you know him best, don't let the professionals bully you.
remember you are the expert.

saggyhairyarse · 12/02/2010 22:43

There has to be a way around this. Doeshe seea peadiatrician? Is there anyone you can get onside to write to the powers that be? MP maybe?

Original poster

emkana · 12/02/2010 22:46

This is the trouble, I just don't know where to start. The school, the ed psych, the playgroup all just say "oh children with worse problems have gone to school and been fine".

The only one who seems to be a bit on my side is the SALT. Will try and get her to speak to others after half term.

OP posts:

mrspoppins · 12/02/2010 22:46

I'm sure you have seen about.com. Although it is American I think, it has a section on children at school with dwarfism.

Wags · 12/02/2010 22:47

Would he have to start in September this year or January 2011? Our borough has 2 intakes, so a younger child (Mar-Aug birthday) starts a bit later. I really feel for you. He sounds like he isn't ready and you would certainly know him best. What a shame you aren't getting helpful advice from Health Professionals. My only concern would be that if he is held back then he would be plunged into Year 1 and miss out on Reception completely. Could he go to a nursery and carry on there after he is 4 or is that not allowed?

By the way, he is as gorgeous as ever

DandyLioness · 12/02/2010 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

emkana · 12/02/2010 22:51

He is supposed to start in September.

OP posts:

ilovemydogandmrobama · 12/02/2010 22:52

Could you do half days initially and build it up? Reception seems to be an extension of nursery school, and a nice transition to the Year 1. Or what about a combination? Do a few days at nursery and a half day at primary school and increase as you see fit?

lou031205 · 12/02/2010 22:59

Is he going to be statemented, Emkana?

"The school, the ed psych, the playgroup all just say "oh children with worse problems have gone to school and been fine".

They aren't allowed to say otherwise - they are under control of the LA.

Wags · 12/02/2010 23:01

Presumably you have had to apply for his school place already. Do you know yet which school he will be going to? If so could you make an appointment to speak to the school and discuss your concerns? You may find that they would agree to a later start, and building up to full days very, very gradually and all depending on how he copes. Being pre-armed with a report from his SALT and anything else that may help would be a good idea.

Is he at nursery already? My DS had a slight speech delay, he had IEP's in place at nursery as they felt that if when he started he needed extra help then we wouldn't have to wait so long to get the wheels in motion. He had 3 IEP's at nursery. Not sure if thats of help as its not about him having help is it, its about waiting for him to be ready. Clutching at straws for you

Paulinespens · 12/02/2010 23:01

I can understand your concerns. My DC2 was born right at the end of August and I have been told I have to send her to school the first term after her 4th birthday which will be September.
She is still only a toddler but I am a bit worried about it already.
As others have said, you know your child best and as he also has other issues as well as being young for his year, I see no problem with him delaying school for another year.

Original poster

emkana · 12/02/2010 23:01

What I want though is for him to be put back a year, completely, so that he can start school a year later into reception.

OP posts:

Original poster

emkana · 12/02/2010 23:04

sorry cross posted there with you guys.

He copes okay at playgroup, doesn't even have an IEP there, maybe it's something I should ask for.

I had an informal chat with the headteacher quite a while ago (my dd's already go there) and she basically dismissed the idea of delaying him a year.

I don't know if he will get a statement. The parent thingy partnership helpline told me to basically forget about a statement.

OP posts:

lou031205 · 12/02/2010 23:19

"The parent thingy partnership helpline told me to basically forget about a statement. "

They will do.

Whether or not he has an iep is immaterial. Does he get extra help?

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