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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

fed up with being told me wanting to delay ds's school entry is more about me wanting to keep him young than him being not ready

76 replies

emkana · 12/02/2010 22:27

He has dwarfism, so he is physically small (and always will be).

His speech is severely delayed.

He is very emotionally immature, still extremely attached to me, prone to violent mood swings, frequently anxious.

He gets tired easily. Due to his short legs he can't walk very far and he falls over all the time.

Yet professionals everywhere keep telling me that he will benefit more from being in school than from having another year at home (plus playgroup/preschool sessions, same as now).

It makes me so MAD, but I feel so powerless!

OP posts:
Veritythebrave · 13/02/2010 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flightattendant · 13/02/2010 10:30

Deferred entry to primary schools

2.69 Admission authorities must allow parents of children who are offered a place at the school before they are of compulsory school age to defer their child?s entry until later in the school year. Where entry is deferred, admission authorities must hold the place for that child and not offer it to another child. The parent would not however be able to defer entry beyond the beginning of the term after the child?s fifth birthday, nor beyond the academic year for which the original application was accepted. This must be made clear in the admission arrangements for the school.

___

This says nothing about 2011 though.

Flightattendant · 13/02/2010 10:31

Ah no it does, sorry...all of it applies in 2011.

sweetkitty · 13/02/2010 10:35

Like expat I am grateful to be in Scotland for this one, our intake runs from March to February the following year so in theory you could have a child there with a March 1st birthday who is 5.6yo on starting school and one with a Feb 28th birthday who is 4.7yo. That's a big difference when you are that age.

DD1 went when she was 5.1yo and I am so grateful that we weren't in England as I think she would have struggled emotionally with only going at 4. DD2 will go at 4.8yo though having a Jan birthday but we feel she is more than ready to go.

If your child has a Dec/Jan or Feb birthday you can apply to defer them for another year at nursery, this is quite common.

I truly believe 4 is far too young for a child to go to school full time, even 5 is pushing it, I would like to see either another year of half days at nursery or half days at school.

FWIW I think you are absolutely doing the right thing and hope you can fight to get him into reception when he is 5.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2010 10:40

Especially a child with SN. It's amazing there is no flexibility in the system for a child who is experiencing delays.

emkana, I suggest you use a little German assertiveness here .

bruffin · 13/02/2010 10:59

"Britain is the only country to do this."

That is not true The irish and the dutch start school younger than in britain.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2010 11:09

Compulsory education age in the Netherlands is five, and although most schools accept 4-year-olds, they are not forced the way they are in Britain.

cornsilk · 13/02/2010 11:15

emkana you know him best. The headteacher will know FA about his condition. Can you afford legal representation?

bruffin · 13/02/2010 11:24

expat compulsory education in the uk is the term after they are 5, whereas compulsary education in Netherlands from their 5th birthday and most of them start around their 4th birthday

"Primary school education begins officially at age five. In practice, however, almost all Dutch children will start school as soon as they are four years old."

Bonsoir · 13/02/2010 11:30

Children actually start full-time education later in the UK than in most of Europe. There is a big difference between compulsory starting age and actual starting age. 99% of French children attend école maternelle between the ages of 3 and 6 even though school is not compulsory until 6.

Emkana - do you not think that just maybe your DS might enjoy the company of other children at school?

TheApprentice · 13/02/2010 11:30

gosh I feel so sorry for you on this one. This issue makes my blood boil! I am a teacher and am English but not live in Scotland and so have had experience of both systems. The Scottish system is so much better! And allows for the parents feelings to be taken into account.

I haven't much advice I'm afraid, except to say does your ds have to go to the same school as your dds? I only say this because there is apparently some leeway on entry if you get a sympathetic headteacher and maybe if there is another school nearby you may get a more understanding head.

I have a friend in Leeds whose ds's birthday is in August. She was unhappy about him starting school at just 4, but has a brill headteacher who was quite happy for him to start at 5 in reception. This has worked v well for them. I only wish more heads were more understanding on this issue, but, in my experience, many heads have limited experience with infants and really do not get the school readiness thing.

I do hope you manage to work something out.

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/02/2010 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

duchesse · 13/02/2010 11:32

Oh goodness I hate this inflexibility. I sent my July son to school at 4 years 2 months and it was a big mistake. With July born DD2, I'd learned my lesson and kept her back in nursery until January, when she was 4 yrs 3 months. That quite the best for her. She gained a lot from those extra 4 months in the small pond.

Bottom line is that you know your son better than those professionals. You cannot disassociate the emotional and the academic in small children.

Is he in a nursery setting of some kind? Is he happy there? Could you keep him out of school until you feel he is ready and then put him into the appropriate year for his age when he is ready to start school? Or are you planning on holding him back a year?

TheApprentice · 13/02/2010 11:32

Bonsoir, is not ecole maternelle similar to nursery school? Bit difference between that and formal school imo, even if its all day.

TheApprentice · 13/02/2010 11:34

Just re read my post - supposed to say I now live in Scotland of course!

Bonsoir · 13/02/2010 11:34

My DD is in the final year of école maternelle and brings back her workbooks to sign every Friday - she is learning letters, songs, poems, geography, numbers... They sit at tables at assigned places) and are taught as a whole class most of the time.

TulipsInTheRain · 13/02/2010 11:53

bruffin, that's not true actually, here in Ireland we can start them whenever we like.

I'm actually have the opposite problem as i was to start ds1 in sept when he'll be just 4 and most people round here are very much of the attitude that it would be best to wait til 5, he'll be in a class with kids the same age as his older sister and a class above kids older than him!

In holland you start at 4 but don't do reading/writing/sums til 6 (possibly later, i left at 5 and hadn't even touched on that stuff yet)

EdgarAllenSnow · 13/02/2010 12:06

the OP does not think her Lo can cope with school - she's his mum and knows best -

other people think their kids were fine to start at 4 - i think we have to respect their opinions equally.

i always fnd i odd on threads like these that whilst enormous amounts of pre-schoolers are already in outside family care full time monday-friday, people will say that is ok, but school, oddly, isn't ...

Ivykaty44 · 13/02/2010 12:09

OP, you please stick to your guns, he is young for the year and only 4 - keep him at home or nursery until he is 5. The other poeple don't actually know him or live with him.

when I asked if my dd1 could be kept down for a while rather than go into receoption, the school where really supportive (it was a nursery and school in one) it then transpirred that another three parents wanted the smae for their July and August children and all of us had the support from the school where the teachers and TA's new the children.

TheApprentice · 13/02/2010 12:13

Ok Bonsoir, I stand corrected!

foxinsocks · 13/02/2010 12:23

I think it depends on the school

dd is August but our school are lovely about the little ones. They don't have to do full days till the last term and even then, there's v little academic focus (unless they feel they really want it). It's all play and dressing up .

Dd's teacher told us that dd walked through the door every day and had her clothes off (in readiness for dressing up) for almost the entire year . Just because it's called school does not mean it is formal school like some think of it.

Anyway, emkana, you know the school so you know what it will be like .

They are v funny in this country about everyone fitting in the right year for their age.

foxinsocks · 13/02/2010 12:30

I suppose your battle will be that all the specialists think he is fine to start.

have you spoken to the school? You may well find you have an ally in the head or the SENCO?

spiderpig8 · 13/02/2010 13:02

My experience is that when a child starts school a year late ( and it often happens round here as we are near an American base and get lots of American kids who haven't been to school before) they start in reception and during the last term of reception pushed along a bit before they join a Y2 class the following year.

saggyhairyarse · 13/02/2010 13:34

Emkana, don't take this the wrong way but I think you are being far too nice and compliant with them. I was like this with my DS who has a visual impairment and other sensory issues. I was guided by them (school, health professionals) as I had no experience of 'the system' before. In reality I should have researched the area a lot more and told them what he needed because no one offers you anything unless you throw your toys out of the pram in my experience.

My DS waited 3 years for a visual impairment teacher to assess him in school, it should have happened in Reception but happened in Y2!!!! I did not know the importance of it but there simple suggestions have made all the difference to my DC.

Also, in my DSs school there is a little girl with DS and she has repeated years at school twice so, whilst it may not be the norm, 'they' can 'bend the rules' if it is necessary.

You know your child, don't let them force you to do something you are not happy with unless they can give very good reasons why that you are happy with.

Sorry about the semi-rant!

LetThereBeRock · 13/02/2010 13:57

YANBU. I think we send children to school when they're much too young.