fed up with being told me wanting to delay ds's school entry is more about me wanting to keep him young than him being not ready

[emkana]

He has dwarfism, so he is physically small (and always will be).

His speech is severely delayed.

He is very emotionally immature, still extremely attached to me, prone to violent mood swings, frequently anxious.

He gets tired easily. Due to his short legs he can't walk very far and he falls over all the time.

Yet professionals everywhere keep telling me that he will benefit more from being in school than from having another year at home (plus playgroup/preschool sessions, same as now).

It makes me so MAD, but I feel so powerless!

He copes okay at playgroup in the circumstances that he finds there ie

he will arrive, play a bit in the home corner, maybe watch other children play on computer (he can't do it himself, too difficult)

will sit with other children while songs are being sung (but can't actually sing a song himself, only a word here and there)

will have snack at snacktime

will play outside in garden

Yes he can do all that, but IMO that doesn't mean he can access the curriculum, not even in reception. Thing is he doesn't need extra help at playgroup, which the professionals take for proof that he will be just fine at school, maybe with a bit of extra help. But I keep trying to make the point to them that school and playgroup are two totally different things.

Nursery suggested the IEP's for DS as they could understand very little he said and were also concerned with his lack of concentration and inability to know colours etc. He also had extra help at nursery. He did marvellously and started school in Jan this year. He is 5 in April. But I would imagine that if I had similar concerns to you then it would have helped my argument to show them the extra things he needed to be able to stay in nursery.

But if your DS's nursery are happy with his progress that probably doesn't help your case particularly.

Only thing about putting back a year is that as he progresses and progress he will although it must seem all so blooming difficult at the moment, he will not be with his age related peer group and that may matter to him at an older age.

He may love it...It is going to be hard whenever really to judge the right time...what if next year doesn't seem right either?. For some kids I think it is just that way whether SN or not and you may need to take the plunge.

It is what happens at home that is the absolutely most important thing in a child's life. It'll be your reaction to taking him there and your excitment when he comes home and the enthusiasm he sees you have for his learning. Lots of play dates with his new friends and park visits after school on those warm Septenber evenings...it could be good you know...September is a way off yet.

You will never be powerless. You are his Mum...the most important person in his life...someone who will champion his every step and every success and be there to support him through his struggles with a Can Do attitude. You face a challenge but you will succeed. Have confidence in you both

I think the British are daft to start school so young and put so much emphasis on children to stay with their age group, especially when they have SN.

I'd speak to his paed and be firm.

I think they're ridiculous and it's part of the reason British teens are in many ways the most immature in Europe, IMO.

It makes you feel so powerless??? You are not powerless - you decide.

Take dwarfism out of the equation and June is still a very young child being thrown in with kids almost a year older. May, June, July & August born children very often are daunted by reception. We start them too ruddy young in this country.

If that was my child, I'd say to hell with all the experts. He's staying back a year and that's that. Give the lad a sporting chance of getting to grips with school by being just that bit older and more able to cope with it all.

Put him in too early and falls right back very quickly and where does that leave him!?

My opinion - stick to your guns. i agree - another year will make a hell of a difference to your boy!

What does your SALT think? My DS sounds similar to yours at playschool. But his nursery felt it WAS problematic. At 3yrs old his natural speech was 2-3 words joined. He never joined in singing (he couldn't). He loved nursery, looked forward to going, was confident, but very immature and didn't seem to grasp some concepts. They pushed for the IEP's and extra help as they had trouble understanding him. His extra help was usually games with a couple of other children who had extra help. Turn taking games, help with colours etc and having someone who would 'follow' his play for 10 minutes each session, talking to him and following his lead which really helped his speech.

Do you think he should be having a bit more help already?

IME some nurseries can overlook the needs of a placid child with SN. I agree with Wags, it doesn't sound ideal if hes not getting any 1-1 or help with language in his current setting.

You know that's a really good point and you've spurned me on to have a conversation with them straight after half term, to tell them that they need to do more. There is definitely no funding available to give him extra help at playgroup, but I hope the staff who are there can sort something out.

TC, yes I think because ds doesn't have any behavioural issues they are quite happy to let him get on with it. Need to push for more!

I have watched as a lurker for a long time all these threads. I am in Scotland and our admission vary wildly. I don't care how ready you think your DC is for school at 4, they are not ready. They are 4. Here in Scotland they can be deferred till they are nearly 6. If you don't think your DC is ready, then they are not and so, defer. Go with your gut. Stand your ground and be the advocate your DC needs. My DC 1 went to p1 at 5.5 and sadly my DC2 went at 4.11. I wish I'd stuck to my gut reaction and kept them back till 5.11..because they have totally settled into p2 now. P1 was hellish though for DC2 and us as parents. I will always worry that I did the wrong thing.

I really feel sorry for kids going to school at 4 and 1 day! Hellish and hellish for the kids.

Macman, but I am not sure we have the same choices. Yes, we can keep them back and not send them to Reception, but when they start they have to go straight into Year 1, thus missing Reception completely. Could Emkana start her DS in Reception, a year late without being prosecuted or something?

It is possible to get a delay/deferral (not sure of the jargon) in England to start in reception a year late. My friend did for her child with SN. But it was a hard struggle and involved going to some sort of adjudication panel - you can't just tell the LEA that that's what you intend to do, as there is then the risk (however small) of prosecution once the child is of compulsory school age.

thing is the ed system is very very inflexible... if your child is born in X year he goe into X class. I am not aware of any way to bypass this and my kids are privatly educated) unless you home school all the way..

Or you play the system somewhat and take him in part time.... with excuses as to why he is not there all the time......

good luck. I expect your instincts are right

I completely agree with macmam. Am also happily in Scotland.

'Oh, she was ready.'

Nope. No 4-year-old is and there is a growing body of research to support this.

I strongly believe this is why the British school system lags behind the rest of Western Europe, especially at the secondary level.

I have yet to find a secondary school teacher who finds sending children to school full-time at 4 a good idea.

It's a machination of the government, anyhow, to get parents back into full-time work.

Britain is the only country to do this.

Even the US doesn't.

The new School Admissions Code that has come into force on the 10th of February probably won't help as it's for those admitted Sept 2011, but gives the range of options.

I don't know if your school is flexible, but know there are kids who go to Reception mornings only. The other thing to keep in mind is that nursery, and Reception is all classified as 'Early Learning Years' so the only difference would be the number of hours.

admissions code for 4 year olds

I'm really not looking forward to this dilemma, our first little one is due in August so we'll have this problem too. I genuinelt think that 4 is too young for school in the form that the UK sees it. They're still babies more or less at 4.

I really feel for you emkana.

I deeply regret not deffring my ds1 entry to school - he is now home schooled due to the psycological damage he has suffered because he was not ready to be "taught" literacy and numeracy

I would contact your LEA (dont even bother with the school) and find out whether you can start him a in reception but only part time - mornings. Would the SALT write you a letter stating she agrees with you?

It makes me so angry that the "professionals" thank they know oue children better than we do.

My son now thinks he has a "stupid brain" because he could not do what other children in his class could do - some of whom were 9 months older than him !!!!!

Stick to your guns and good luck!

It's crap, isn't it?

If you can't persuade them to let him start in reception a year late it would be better to let him start reception in the right year but insist on part-time. It would be worse for him to go straight into Year One.

As has already been said, he doesn't have to be in full time education until five. I would suggest mornings only.

What TA support do they have in the classroom? Do you work? Will you be able to help in the classroom on a regular basis? There is a boy in my son's class who has some form of SN (not sure what). Not disruptive, difficult or needing physical help so quite easily ignored in a classroom or by LEA hoops. Fortunately the school takes a more pragmatic approach and his mum helps out for a couple of hours in the classroom nearly every day. I think it was every day at the start of reception. This has really helped him.

Why don't you post in SN, there are a few parents with passive children who have fought for, and got, extra provision/statements.

WRT funding, each council has SN funding which they can access to give additional help to preschoolers.

DD1 got 1:1 funded 8 weeks after starting preschool, and we had no idea she had SN before she started (we had concerns about various things over her life, but each time told we were wrong). Preschool raised concern & arranged a visit from the co-ordinator, and she saw DD and arranged funding straight away.

Flexibility is what is needed isn't it. It's useless that in emkana's situation she can't keep him back a year.

I disagree with the 'no child is ready at 4' - I was SO happy that dd scraped into the year she did at school - by a matter of weeks (Aug birthday). She was more than ready to go and has had no problems at all - socially, emotionally, academically she is flying. She would have been VERY unhappy to stay at playgroup another year.

Ds2 is a similar age to emkana's ds - May birthday though - and I think he will struggle - he is small for his age, has speech delay and really will need 1:1 support. Fortunately the Senco at the school is dd's class teacher atm, so have been able to chat loads to him about what ds2 will need - but it is going to be a case of 'see what he's like when he starts and then they can put necessary stuff in place'. He won't need a HUGE amount of help, but in group work if he is ever to contribute he will need to have 1:1 help, as he just can't form sentences fast enough in a group situation!

Emkana - is it worth looking at some private schools that have nurseries attached to see if they could do a hybrid of nursery/reception? It does seem loopy that it is so rigid.

Ems, I am so sorry you are feeling like this - it isn't right.

I got sick of being told the same stuff, fwiw and ds1 was fairly NT (dyslexic maybe)

As you might know we mucked about with reception and he ended up having to change schools.

HOWEVER there is new legislation in place meaning that children don't have to GO to school till the last term of recep, if their birthday is in June...and the school has to keep the place open for them.

So you would apply as per usual, and he would get the place, (don't let HT know your plans!) and you could delay starting till the last term in reception when he is nearly 5.

I don't know if this helps but it's what I plan to do with ds2.

Will try to find link...new law went through this month so v recent.

I already linked it. It applies to admissions for Sept 2011.

Oops if that's the same thing Ilovemydog linked to, it might not apply for this year's admissions.

I am trying to think of what will help you.

Basically your instincts are right, so trust them...is the issue that she won't offer him a place to start reception when he is 5?

This is an awful situation for you.

Sorry Ilove. I only skimmed the thread in my eagerness to post.

I can't get link to work btw, can we try again...someone linked it on another thread recently.