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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to scream at people to stop telling my daughter she

67 replies

EssenceOfJack · 08/02/2010 14:57

DD1 is 4 today. She is skinny as a beanpole and very tall. She is, in fact, the height of an average 6 year old and has a veyr grown up face, but as I have said, she is ONLY JUST TURNED 4.

So when we are out in the shops and she has a birthday badge on and people quesiton her age she gets PISSED OFF when they ask her if she is sure that is how old she is. And then when they turn to me and say 'god, she's enormous for her age, aren't you?' Like she is going to say 'Oh yes, I am a medical fricking marvel, haven't you seen a tall person before?'
I get pissed off. And DD1 looks confused, and a bit sad.

A few weeks ago I was asked 'Is she special needs' by some dimbulb twunt ina shop as DD1 was chatting away, like a 3 year old, and she thought she was at least ooh, 7, and her speech was very 'backward'.
This is now happening more and more (not the SN idiot comment but the questioning her age, telling her she is huge, or massive, or that she doesn't look her age.

I don't really want advice, or anything, just to prewarn that the next person who gives my daughter a backhanded compliment like this is going to get such an off me, but at least now I have warned you all.

OP posts:

Original poster

EssenceOfJack · 08/02/2010 15:01

And I buggered up my thread title. oops.

Should read
to want to scream at people to stop telling my daughter she is huge

OP posts:

TanteRose · 08/02/2010 15:04

ah, yes, we had this (still do, DD is 12 now) - but I know what you mean about when they are very small.
We once had to take her to hospital when she was about 18 months, and the doctor was trying to get her to talk to him in sentences , until he looked at her chart and noticed she was still only a baby really.....

We are in Japan, so she has always been the tallest in her class- it was more obvious when she was younger as she was literally head and shoulders above everyone else.
The boys and some of the girls have caught up to a certain extent recently...Japanese people are getting taller with each generation!

I once asked my DD if it bothered her when people were always telling her how "tall" and "big" she was, but she said she didn't really mind.

kissyfurschaos · 08/02/2010 15:05

Ah I sympathise and empathise!
My d.s has just turned 2.5 and is off the height centile chart. His speech is a little behind and I am bloody sick of people in supermarkets and buses making comments if he has a tantrum or poor speech- they assume he is far older than he is. I once stood up to some old bat dear on a bus and she musty have felt guilty as apologised and slipped hium £2 for a treat on the way off!
No advice but I feel for you and DD as we get it every week.
Hope DD has a lovely 4th birthday.

leeloo1 · 08/02/2010 15:07

Aw bless, not U at all to want to... think for most people its just something to say, but better if their brains were fully engaged first! Can you start being really positive when people comment? Something like 'Yes DD is only 4, but she is tall for her age, isn't she lucky!!!!'

I used to get quite upset when DS was small as he was a big baby (at one point 97th percentile for weight and off the charts for height) and everyone commented on his weight/size etc. Even the Dr when he had jabs (around 5 months) said 'BFing? Really? I'd have thought he was on 3 meals a day by the size of him!' Oh and a friend told me he looked like a sumo wrestler!

Original poster

EssenceOfJack · 08/02/2010 15:08

Thanks, 'tall' and 'big' are fine, but recently people have either questionned her 'How old are you? Really? Are you sure?' in a fairly intense manner or used words such as
enormous, huge, massive, overgrown

I just asked her what she thought when people say things like that and she said 'I don't mind at all, can I have some chocolate?'

OP posts:

RockbirdandHerSpork · 08/02/2010 15:09

People are stupid and can't keep their mouths shut but at the same time, I sort of know where they are coming from. My cousin is just turned 5, looks at least 9, is far bigger than my 7yo niece and I do have to keep reminding myself that he is only little (don't see him very often). But that's no excuse to be rude and a bit thick in front of the child. As well as that, people think they are the only ones to have noticed something. It doesn't occur to them that they might be the 100th person who's commented that day.

4andnotout · 08/02/2010 15:09

You have my sympathy as we have had exatcly the same experiance with dd1, she is now 8 but wears 10-11 clothes and is heads above the others in her class. We used to gt the sn comments when she used to take dolls out in a pram or wanted to go to soft play with her friends.

BooHooo · 08/02/2010 15:10

I can relate to this - DD is just 3 and super tall but very dainty. People describe her a huge and big, What on earth am I supposed to reply?
It is so annoying and bloody rude. They are just fewls....

borderslass · 08/02/2010 15:10

I had this with my son when he was 3 kept getting asked why he wasn't at school as he was big but then once he went on his med's at 6 his growth slowed completely and he didn't really start catching up again until 18 months ago [hes 15] used to drive me nuts.

MaggieTaSeFuar · 08/02/2010 15:10

no advice, but she'll learn to handle it. all my life i've had people saying, my god you're so tiny!!! it's really boring, and it may be a shock to the person who's just seen me stand up, but i've always known what height i am....

i think half the time it's just making conversation. if it weren't tall it'd be curly hair or something.

RoseWater · 08/02/2010 15:11

YANBU - why do people feel the need to comment on childrens size / appearance et - same with my DCs - DH and I both tall so the kids are too - both in clothes 4 sizes bigger than their age.

Hoping it will be easier when they are tall adults!

trice · 08/02/2010 15:12

Both my children are very tall. Peoples comments do get a bit annoying at times. Apparantly tall people live longer, do better at school and earn more so take heart.

Original poster

EssenceOfJack · 08/02/2010 15:13

am ing at
'it may be a shock to the person who's just seen me stand up, but i've always known what height i am....'
That's exactly what irritates me. There is a pic on my profile of her today, she's not that grown up looking, to me anyway!

OP posts:

jollyma · 08/02/2010 15:14

I've noticed that when you have a big child people comment on it as if its your fault. The nurse at the Dr's surgery even went to get another nurse to look at him as if he was a freak! I did get a bit sensitive to it in the early days but now I just tend to add the "he's very big" comment after saying he's only 10 months,

trice · 08/02/2010 15:15

Our local soft play has height restrictions which meant that my two had to stop going when they were six. It was a pain when people would have soft play parties and they couldn't join in.

trice · 08/02/2010 15:16

On the plus side though they have always been able to go on the rides at theme parks years before their friends.

borderslass · 08/02/2010 15:17

youngest has the opposite problem she's little like me and now has to have id to even buy 12 DVDs at the supermarket she gets quite annoyed about it.

AmesBS7 · 08/02/2010 15:24

Happened to me when I was little (must be backward as she looks like she's 7, but talks like she's 4) (I was in fact 4). I think that really the only thing that I remember being 'bad' about it was how badly my Mum reacted, which made me think something WAS maybe in fact wrong with me for being so 'huge'. Just love your DD, ignore the proles and compliment her as much as poss. xx

nickelbabe · 08/02/2010 15:25

my best friends' daughter is the same: when she was 3, she was gabbling like a 3-year-old and a woman went up to her mum and actually asked her if DD was SN. "because she's very behind in her speaking". my friend just gasped and explained (in her most, "it's you that's stupid" voice) that she was three. the woman blushed and apologised and mumbled she thought she was 7.

she is 7 now, and is still taller than most her age (when she was 5, she stood next to her 5-year-old best friend and looked way older than her). problem is, she's also very intelligent so comes across as older sometimes. she dances and is very good for her age, but if you think of what age she looks, she looks like a bad dancer for her age.

MrsMellowdrummer · 08/02/2010 15:34

My seven year old is very very tall - looks about nine or ten. The biggest problem he's encountered over the last few years is people expecting him to be far more mature than he actually is in various situations, which I think can put him under a bit of stress and pressure. He's not the most mature seven year old, although very bright, so the mismatch is even more confusing for people who don't know him well. Not really anybody's fault though - just one of those things you deal with.

OrmRenewed · 08/02/2010 15:41

What's wrong with tall? I'm tall. My DC are tall. I wouldn't feel insulted by that.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 08/02/2010 15:46

Had opposite with DD who is small for her age. Someone asked me if I'd smoked when I was pregnant to get one that small

dixiechick1975 · 08/02/2010 15:48

Yes, my DD is the same - just turned 4 and going into 6-7 clothes for height. She is the tallest at pre school. Glad she is four now as people used to nearly fall over when I said she was three.

Negatives are definitely people commenting on it at least weekly and assuming DD alot older than she is. Nana has been asked for ID on the bus for her, stares from other mums because i'm 'letting' her play in the toddler soft play area etc

Positives, people assuming older and treating as such. Dd's language is very advanced, maybe in part because people eg shop assistants expect her to converse like a 6 year old. She was moved up in ballet class early.

I've got DD a top with a number 4 on that fits!

JustMoon · 08/02/2010 15:53

My DS2 (2.4) is very tall and heavy but I am 5'10" and DH is 6'5" so it's only to be expected really!

People haven't made horrible comments yet but they do make comment in a friendly way - nothing I have been offended by. He has very good speech so perhaps they think he is older anyway?

I do worry about when he starts school as he is also a September baby so will be one of the oldest so have horrible visions of my giant son next to a tiny August girl LOL!

Anyway, I have always enjoyed being tall, there are lots of benefits. Help your DD to see that side of things to counter act the rubbish comments that get thrown her way.

izzybiz · 08/02/2010 15:57

My Ds2 is very big, 10lb 10oz at birth, off the centiles for weight and height, though he has dropped now to 99th!

He is 16months old now, and I have always had people say "how old is he?" I answer and get "oh, he is big isn't he"!

Now people are surprised as he has loads of hair and pretty much all of his teeth too!

OP I looked at the pic of your Dd, she is beautiful!

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