to want to scream at people to stop telling my daughter she

[EssenceOfJack]

DD1 is 4 today. She is skinny as a beanpole and very tall. She is, in fact, the height of an average 6 year old and has a veyr grown up face, but as I have said, she is ONLY JUST TURNED 4.

So when we are out in the shops and she has a birthday badge on and people quesiton her age she gets PISSED OFF when they ask her if she is sure that is how old she is. And then when they turn to me and say 'god, she's enormous for her age, aren't you?' Like she is going to say 'Oh yes, I am a medical fricking marvel, haven't you seen a tall person before?'
I get pissed off. And DD1 looks confused, and a bit sad.

A few weeks ago I was asked 'Is she special needs' by some dimbulb twunt ina shop as DD1 was chatting away, like a 3 year old, and she thought she was at least ooh, 7, and her speech was very 'backward'.
This is now happening more and more (not the SN idiot comment but the questioning her age, telling her she is huge, or massive, or that she doesn't look her age.

I don't really want advice, or anything, just to prewarn that the next person who gives my daughter a backhanded compliment like this is going to get such an off me, but at least now I have warned you all.

I have a nearly 4 year old who looks 2.5, and is very short and baby faced, and as a result I get the filthiest looks when attempting to discipline him, or tell him off for tantrums. I can see people thinking "Look at that woman being mean to that toddler, that's what toddlers do, they lie on the floor and scream for sweeties"

toddlers might, but I expect my nearly 4 year old NOT to!

When he is in the park, other parents interfere with his play, trying to 'help' him off the climbing frame,and again I get the filthy looks gfor letting him get on with it - until he loses his temper and snaps "I am a big boy you know, nearly four! I can do it mineself!"

I am tall (5 foot 10) and I do not think of myself as being odd; I am used to being this height as all my family are also tall. To me, tall is normal - it is everyone else who is short and different. So your DD may not think of herself as unusual.

MillR - I love that comment 'tall is normal - everyone is else is short and different'

DD has always been lanky - she was 6 foot at 13 - and people did comment about it when she was small and so much taller than her peers. But it was never really issue.

We are both really tall and love it. And loads of girls in her year at school tower above her now.

Tall is good.

that must be so annoying and imo you are fully entittled to respond to people who say such things in a fairly robust manner, to be honest I would be furious if people made a SN comment, what an incredibly insensitive thing to say.

But if it can be any consolation (it probably won't!) I was consistently the tallest in my class until i hit 5ft3 at age 11 and have stayed there ever since

OP - just looked at your pics and both your DDs are gorgeous

My sister has always been tall. She is 5'8 and in yr11. People used to assume she was my older sister even though she is 4 years younger than me. I am 5'2 though.

People seem to pick up on an aspect of appearance and comment on it, whatever it may be. It does get very wearing. I was always told "Oh arn't you short/fair" and my sister always got "Oh arn't you tall/auburn" like we'd never seen ourselves in a mirror before

As grating as it is I'd just nod and mmm safe in the knowledge that if she was very short or had curly hair people would comment on that. Annoying but not personal IMO.

Thanks for saying IANBU.
I am not exactly short, I'm 5'9, (and one of my older sisters is 5'3!) so agree tall is good, it's like you are all saying, other people's assumptions and judgement based on pure appearance wind me up!

And ithink they're gorgeous too

YANBU it is very irritating one of mine is very tall. I have another one that is very short and people are always going on about how tiny she is. It is rude to do either.

YANBU , i have the exact opposite problem to you lol my just turned 4yr old dd is tiny , age 2-3yrs old trousers still fit her & i really get fed up of people commenting to me all the time that their baby's etc are heavier than my dd ( once a friend compared her 10 month old to my dd who was 3.5 & her 10 month old was actually heavier ) it used to really upset me as i was already very worried about dd but now i just let these comments roll off me as i know she is a very healthy little girl .

DD is small for her age, she used to get asked her age and then got "ohhh you're tiny!" One very rude woman kept on and on about it, DD, who was 5 at the time said "Yes and you're very fat."

In her defence the woman was.

It is hard- my friend's dd is 3 (just) and my dd1 is 3 months older than her. My dd is tiny and my friend's dd is very tall and looks like a 5yr old. You can see people looking at her strangely when they hear her talking or when she acts like a 3yo BUT SHE IS!!

It's the complete opposite with my dd1- I get 'Oh she can feed herself so well', 'wow she's so good at getting dressed' etc and I'm like yes but she is 3.5 not 1.5!!!!

The special needs thing is infuriating - incredibly rude.

But people do love to go on about height. Ds has always been tall, but not extraordinarily so, yet people keep exclaiming - after every holiday, loads of other mothers at school stop me to comment, and the guys in the shoe shop even stop other passers-by on the street to point out how tall he is. FGS, dh is 6' and I'm 5'7" so he was never going to be tiny...

Doesn't usually bug me but goodness, people do make a fuss about it.

Give her coping lines if it begins to annoy her, if it happens frequently you can design responses like Yes aren't I wonderful and tall etc

Talk to her about how great it is to be tall and you wish you were as tall as she was

Tell here she's lucky and wonderful and marvellous and beautiful

it will not be a problem for long

until they get sexually aware and hate being head and shoulders above the boys they fancy

My dd is 11 and looks 14ish (but no makeup of course!) - For her 10th birthday I bought a GREAT Tshirt in ASDA, dirt cheap - it said "I AM TEN" on the front and 10 on the back. Excellent.
Damn it she's now 11 LOL but it was a great way to get her treated her age.
She's 5ft and the tallest girl in her school (yr 6) and the boys in her class refer to her as "QOD'S DD THE GIANT"
LOL - she thinks its funny cos she hates boys

YANBU. I got this growing up. Was a gangly beanpole. Always popular choice for school basketball and netball teams. So long as you stay positive about it, your DD will take random comments in her stride.

Made for an awkward adolescence but not so awkwards twenties when I discovered that being tall and having legs up to your armpits is no bad thing. Gets you entry into all manner of places.

god it is fantastically annoying isn't it. I was v tall as a child and made to feel supremely self conscious about it by comments like this. Wished my parents had come up with some good rejoinders so I could parrot them too. In the end I just turned into a snooty aloof teenager! I think people really don't mean to be offensive or hurtful or obtusem, they genuinely do just say the firt thing that comes into their mouths the way to go is defend her up to the hilt: yes isn't she fantastic etc. or if they carry on gawping say that's just plain rude, no way would I comment on how short your child is etc. all my children are really tall and I try and make sure I let people know how old they are asap, but not in an apologetic way: it just cuts out all the crap

why is tall good?

Kittywise - why, do you think tall is 'bad'?

OP can understand your irritation - I'm 5'11" and have always had people say things like 'aren't you big!' to which I always answer 'no, I'm tall' because the 'big' word really pees me off!

But as others say, boost your beautiful DD's confidence by replying -'yes she is beautiful and tall isn't she, the lucky girl' - or something along those lines.

People just don't think, and having complained to some of my colleagues once, they told me that it was actually a compliment when people commented on my height and I should start to take it as one and react positively rather than let it raise my hackles!

So I try to do that now - although on Saturday night when a 5'2" bloke walked up to me and my equally tall friend and said "F hell, you're tall", I wasn't particularly gracious!

My DD is tall for her age, she/I gets lots of comments about it so I always reply with 'I know isnt it great, shes going to be a supermodel with those legs'

OP I feel your pain! I am 5 11 and it took me years before I recognised being tall as a good thing. After puberty certainly.
When people comment on my tall little girls height i do my best to treat it as a compliment to her, even while marvelling inwardly at the cheek of this person commenting on my childs appearance.

But I don't think I could hold myself back from throttling a person if they assumed she had special needs because she looks around a year older than she is.

YANBU if they are being ignorant.

However, I often will say s(he) is tall / looks older for age , followed by 'just like my ds/dd2'. I generally find whoever I am talking to will end up laughing / sympathising with me over incidents that have arisen because of the dcs age / height thing. I regularly tell both dds and ds how brilliant is being tall and how I was desparate to be taller than my sister and be at least 6ft tall. I got my first wish but just fell short of the 2nd. Am conditioning them so well that I may have caused myself problems if they stop growing at 5 ft 6!

My DC are freakishly tall, and they get these comments all the time. It doesn't bother me, and it doesn't bother them. I'm tall and I rather like it, except when I'm buying trousers, so that probably has something to do with it. In fact DD is a bit upset because she isn't as tall as her brother was at her age. She's take being called 'huge' as a compliment I think.

I am going to admit to being one of those who comment on height.

However, I also get those comments given about my chidren being teeny tiny. Especially DD3 and DS2, as they were, (DS2 still) exceedingly teeny at 1yr and just walking. my older two girls are also teeny now, and as teens find it incredibly frustrating as look at least 2yrs younger than age, so get asked age all the time for movies etc.

DD3 was wearing 3-6mth clothes and wore a sz2 shoe on her first birthay and was only 15lb 11oz,(was 8lb 1oz at birth!) and was walking......and had been since 9 half mths! she was like a dolly, and so many people commented, it did grate after a while. It was especially bad when they asked if she was poorly, as she was but we were still not sure why (she has now been found to have an immune deficiancy) but back then I was made to feel like a bad mother for not knowing why she got poorly, and also for taking her out as (according to one lovely neighbour) I was going to infect the rest of the world and cause major issues (fuckwit!).

DS2 wasn;t much better......7lb 14 at birth, 16lb on his first birthday, and also an early walker........and that drew comments, as tho I could have held him back or even MADE him walk before he was ready.

and now......DD3 is one of the tallest in her class, is rapidly catching up her older sisters (who are now teeny themselves and 'stuck' in the growth dept) so we get the opposite end of the spectrum........but it is more a source of amusement now after having so many years of the teeny comments. Seems like irony.

but, I do comment myself........altho not out of turn I hope, more as a matter of conversation, and I NEVER would ask about SN or make it sound as tho it was a bad thing........one thing from being on the receiving end I like to think I comment as it being a positive, in either aspect. And, if the conversation continues, we normally chat about her child and then mine.......after all we all have worries and guilt and so sometimes sharing makes us feel better about our own children IYGWIM.

the main thing tho is that your DD doesn;t seem as yet to let it bother her, and she is utterly scrummy looking at your profile, so push that lots (I am sure you do).

I think people will always comment on anything perceived as deviating from 'the norm' so if your DC are taller or smaller than the average, it inevitably will provoke some response!

psycho, I know what you mean, my DS2 is tiny (8 now but wears age 5-6 clothes) and very skinny - all his trousers have belts to stop them falling down I used to be asked when he was a teeny toddler whether he was premature (no, 2 weeks late, 8 13 at birth and resembled a bowling ball!) and now if people arent telling me how little and cute he is (which causes him to mostly) they are saying how thin he is and do i feed him...

Have to agree though, it probably bothers me more than DS, although he has said he wishes he wasnt the 3rd smallest in his class of 30 (& the other 2 are girls...)

I don't think tall is bad I don't think tall is good either. I don't think small is bad or good.
There are, however, a number of people ho 'brag' about the height of their children as if it were something they had personally achieved. It's annoying.

My comment was merely in response to this by getorfmoiland "MillR - I love that comment 'tall is normal - everyone is else is short and different' grin

DD has always been lanky - she was 6 foot at 13 - and people did comment about it when she was small and so much taller than her peers. But it was never really issue.

We are both really tall and love it. And loads of girls in her year at school tower above her now.

Tall is good. "

Tall isn't good, it's just tall