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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that renewing your wedding vows is a bit tacky and naff

55 replies

sincitylover · 08/02/2010 10:35

Hardly even post here and really shouldnt be watching This Morning but isntthere something really uuugh about renewing wedding vows - the wedding dresses not a good look on middle age women (and I speak as one myself)

Whats wrong with just celebrating significant anniversaries?

OP posts:
Original poster
sincitylover · 08/02/2010 10:37

Should add I am not anti romance by any means tho am quite cynical about marriage

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 08/02/2010 10:39

i think if you want to celebrate a milestone with a party and a white frock then why not?

bubblagirl · 08/02/2010 10:54

it think some couples have been through tragedy and some other life changing stuff and they do this one thing that brings them much closer i think its great

also couples who are just romantic and want to have that one happy day back again is great i am a romantic not married but if i was id happily renew my vows with my dp we have both over come huge things in our life together

JaneS · 08/02/2010 10:55

If you didn't have the time/money for the big frock first time round, maybe it's good for you to be able to do it? Personally, I'd choose a lovely dress that wasn't white (so it was more celebratory than wedding-y), but that's just me.

My grandparents managed to get to 50 years and they renewed their vows (not a white dress in sight, I hasten to add). It was a lovely day.

GhoulsAreLoud · 08/02/2010 10:56

The only person I know who did this had got married very young (think it was shotgun style) and on a very tight budget.

When their eldest was about 11 they renewed their vows and did it in the way they wished their wedding had been, with the added bonus of having their 2 dc there.

It looked like an absolutely lovely day, and very special to them, so on that basis I will say YABU.

MaryBS · 08/02/2010 10:56

I guess it depends on how you do it. Our church is doing a service this Sunday, where people can renew their wedding vows, but its not a big "dress up" affair, but more a sign of ongoing commitment to a relationship which is hopefully built to last.

rockinghertosleep · 08/02/2010 11:01

DH and I got married in the NYC city offices when I was 5 months pregnant under the agreement that we'd have a big do/"renew" the vows (which we never took in the 2 minute civil cermony) at 5 or 10 years down the line. Our families were on both sides of the ocean and we didn't have time to plan a big do then - not to mention I didn't want to be waddling about in a big white dress. For us it will be much more special and meaningful to have a celebration and the chance to make vows at our 5 or 10 year anniversary when everyone (including DD and the bump-baby) can be there with us.

elmofan · 08/02/2010 11:02

good god why make the same mistake twice

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 08/02/2010 11:03

MaryBS that sounds lovely!

I have to say the last couple of church weddings we have been to the vicar/priest has actively said that any married couples should use this as an opporunity to look into each others eyes and remind themselves of the vows hat they have taken. Each time it has given DH and I a tear in our eyes.

YABU, it is up to the couple, you never know the back story.

Fimblehobbs · 08/02/2010 11:03

I must admit I don't know anyone personally irl that has renewed their vows. But when I hear of it I wonder 'which one had the affair then'.

There are some lovely ways to do it (like GhoulsAL example) but generally it seems a bit self indulgent to me.

ArcticRoll · 08/02/2010 11:04

Agree with op.
I always suspect that one spouse has had an affair and think that they are trying to paper over cracks.

threetimemummy · 08/02/2010 11:07

We will. Eventually!! LOL But not in a big white dress. We married in anther country with my family present, but DHs family arent able to travel (health) so they werent there. We always said we would do it when we moved to the UK o we could celebrate it with his family as well. we just havent had the $$ yet!!

threetimemummy · 08/02/2010 11:08

Assuming someone has had an affair just cause they renew their vows is a little cynical, surely? Just cause YOU wont do it, doesnt mean other people wont/cant/have something wrong in their marriage. Some people are super romantic, some people have reasons like ours.

MaryBS · 08/02/2010 11:09

ByThePowerOfGreyskull, I hope so. I wasn't 100% sure I could make it. But yesterday a couple from church came up to me and said "you WILL be there, won't you? D and I are renewing our vows, and all our family are coming too". Particularly poignant because "D" has Motor Neurone Disease, and currently walks with difficulty with a stick, but who knows what the future holds for him? So because of that, I will definitely be there, showing my support for them!

Sassybeast · 08/02/2010 11:13

Oh the cynicism of suspecting that one has had an affair ! I don't agree with it for the sake of it, but i do understand why people who have been through a rough time, or are facing a rough time, might consider it. And heck yes - sometimes people DO rebuild a marraige after an affair - it's not always a bad thing surely ?

StableButDeluded · 08/02/2010 11:15

Why self-indulgent? If people choose to marry, then that is the most important relationship of their adult life, (apart from with their children) so I don't think it's in the least self-indulgent to do whatever they feel takes to keep it working for them. Marrieages NEED to be indulged.

I think it's sadder that so many people end up leading such busy lives with their work and children etc that their relationship comes last. Then they wake up one day twenty-five years later and say 'Who are you? And why are we together?'

taffetacat · 08/02/2010 11:20

Each to their own. I'm not keen when its so the "bride" just uses it as an excuse to doll herself up and have everyone look at her again.

The only people I know that have done it, have done it because wedding number1 didn't pan out well because of disaster/illness or because one partner has been very seriously ill recently. I can really understand it in these circumstances. I have never thought of either having an affair.

And agree to some extent with stabelbutdeluded - my poor DH is bottom of the pile.....

RibenaBerry · 08/02/2010 11:24

Hhmm. I'm not sure.

It is, most defnitely, super naff when a celebrity couple renew their vows after 12 months together or whatever and have a big party/sell the rights all over again!

On the other hand, for people who didn't get to 'do' the wedding first time, or as a low key thing for a major anniversary, I think it's quite sweet. I know people who renewed their vows for their 25th anniversary - no big dresses or flowers, just a simple 10 minute service before their anniversary party (which was held in the church hall). Twas nice.

Malificence · 08/02/2010 11:25

Well we are going to do it in Vegas, just the two of us, in the tackiest wedding chapel we can find - for no other reason than we want to, we are celebrating 25 years of marriage this year, so why not?
New wedding rings as well.

What a horrible thing to assume btw, that only people who've come through affairs renew their vows. What does it matter why people do it, the fact that they want to is enough of a reason surely?

Fimblehobbs · 08/02/2010 11:27

Sassybeast and Stablebutdeluded - I do agree, yes its good to rebuild marriage after an affair, to celebrate 'we're still here despite it all' sort of thing.

I just would feel a bit bridezilla expecting my friends and family to go along with it all - they've already put themselves out to come to my wedding the first time. Kind of - look at me (again) in (another) white dress.

But I am all for indulging and celebrating marriages - esp if it involved a second honeymoon! - its just that if show-off ness is involved I think it is tacky and naff, and thats what came to mind with the OP about the wedding dresses.

StableButDeluded · 08/02/2010 11:31

"It is, most defnitely, super naff when a celebrity couple renew their vows after 12 months together or whatever and have a big party/sell the rights all over again"

Oh, couldn't agree more with that one though!

RibenaBerry · 08/02/2010 11:32

Oh yes, there's definitely a Bridezilla risk! The couple I know were just throwing a big 25th party, and said that the renewal would be first if anyone wanted to get there for x time.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/02/2010 11:32

yanbu. I find it tacky and a bit embarrassing. You are already married!

but then, I think anniversaries are private, not to be shared and don't want to know about other peoples. maybe i'm just miserable!

RockbirdandHerSpork · 08/02/2010 11:35

I can see the sense if there have been issues, separation, affairs whatever but the couple have decided that they do want to stay together. Then as a new start it makes sense. I don't get why someone like me, who has been married for 10 years, all happily, (except the usual urges to strangle DH) would need to renew them. My vows are still working fine as far as I can see.

diddl · 08/02/2010 11:35

OP I think it might be that you arewatching This Morning that is the problem.

For example I´ve only know people o wear smart clothes-not wedding outfits!

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