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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at friend's mum

61 replies

dorie · 05/02/2010 23:48

My dd is 8. Yesterday she was invited to her friends home after school for a playdate. She regularly goes to this friends house and visa versa. Her friend had slept over ours last week.

Friends mum called me at 6pm to ask whether it would be ok for dd to sleep over. I asked dd if she would like to. She begged for me to agree, saying that friends mum was taking them to McD's and she could borrow friends pj's etc - I know the family and there are no concerns about hygiene.

I spoke to friends mum again and agreeed that dd could stay over and asked her to call me if there were any problems and that I would pick her up - no matter what time through the night.

DD now tells me that she cried all night because she had to sleep on the floor and that friends mother had gone out with her friends leaving the children with a babysitter.

I am furious!!

OP posts:

Joolyjoolyjoo · 05/02/2010 23:58

I'd be mighty miffed! Friend's mum should have told you the arrangements about her going out. I probably wouldn't say anything (I am a wimp!), but I would chalk it down to experience and not allow any more sleepovers at said friend's house for the forseeable future!

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 00:19

YABU about sleeping on the foor, we used to sleep on the floor at sleepovers no biggie, but the babysitter is a bit different

princessparty · 06/02/2010 00:39

There a big contentious thread about whether it was acceptable for a sleeping-over child to sleep on the floor a few months ago.

cheesesarnie · 06/02/2010 00:48

sleeping on floor is fine imo.but she should have warned you that she was going out.

no harm done so id not mention it but put it down to experience.

Vallhala · 06/02/2010 01:00

Sleeping on the floor is no big deal unless the poor child was genuinely uncomfortable/cold etc or there was clearly a better alternative.

However I would have hit the roof if I'd discovered that my DD had been left with a babysitter unless I'd been told of the arrangement in advance and agreed to it. No way is that acceptable imho.

Are you/your DD acquainted with the babysitter or do you/she not know her?

ravenAK · 06/02/2010 01:00

I would've thought two 8 year olds could've top & tailed though. Failing which, as a host parent I'd've provided sofa cushions or similar - it's a bit cold for the floor atm!

Obviously it's different if several kids are taking part in a sleepover (big bundle of sleeping bags), but if the 'host' kid has a nice warm bed it's not going to be much fun for the guest on their own on the floor.

More importantly, if the mum planned to go out she should've told you so. It's just another unnecessary layer of worry for your dd - not only is she sleepless & uncomfortable, but the adult she knows, her friend's mum, isn't there.

Although when she says she cried all night, I'd take that with a bit of a pinch of salt tbh.

I'd probably not say anything - no real harm done - but I wouldn't be impressed with the other mum.

Vallhala · 06/02/2010 01:05

I did mean with sofa cushions, a spare duvet etc underneath, just as raven did, sorry.

Original poster

dorie · 06/02/2010 01:12

Hi I forgot to mention that friend slept in her warm bed, whilst dd slept alone on a cold wooden floor with just a blanket. I wouldn't be so peeved if it was a sleepover involving lots of kids and sleeping bags.

It is not as if it is holiday time and dd could have come home in the morning and gone to her own bed. She was taken straight to school this morning by babysitter.

And I have no idea who the babysitter was - as I did not even see her. DD said she did not know her.

Had I known that dd was to spend a school night on a cold floor to be "cared for" by someone she or I do not know I would not have agreed to allow her to sleep there.

I guess other posters are right. I will put it down to experience and dd will NOT be sleeping over at that particular friend's house again in the foreseeable future.

OP posts:

blinks · 06/02/2010 01:15

i'd be well pissed off.

LegendLay · 06/02/2010 01:32

I would mention it...it's not on.

EcoMouse · 06/02/2010 02:04

YANBU, I'd be fuming. How thoughtless! I remember a similar experience as a child, cold, bruised, sleepless and upset.

Upon arranging my eldest (similar age) DD's last sleepover, the DF's mum ran through sleeping arrangements with me and checked whether I'd be happy for her childminder to watch the C's (with the mum there anyway!) for a couple of hours the next day. Just as it should be.

MadamDeathstare · 06/02/2010 03:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlemissmuppet · 06/02/2010 07:40

I'd be annoyed too, but would rather mention it to mother than just not allow sleepovers - friends child may get upset thinking they've done something wrong. But another issue for me here, I wouldn't allow sleepovers on a school night, but that's me, old-fashioned!

gorionine · 06/02/2010 08:04

Seems like the mum invited your DD over to "entertain " her daughter in case not getting along with babysitter. I would be fuming, but would have the same approach as Littlemissmuppet and talk to the mum.

PuppyMonkey · 06/02/2010 08:07

No sleepovers on a school night, them's the rules. You broke them so YABU.

diddl · 06/02/2010 08:42

I would also be cross that the babysitter didn´t phone you tbh.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/02/2010 08:58

Are you sure the sleeping arrangements are exactly as described ? If so, YANBU

She deffo should have told you she was going out. That's not on at all.

FootStamper · 06/02/2010 09:05

I'd call the mother to speak to her about it. You might want to make sure that your child's sleeping arrangements were as described to you before wading in but I would have it out with her. You naturally assumed your child would be comfortable over night and that the mother would be there to keep an eye on them. I agree with other posters that your DD was invited to keep her's company whilst she was out.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 09:07

Not just the foor but put a duvet on it or sleeping bag, or sofa cushions not just the plain floor. There might be a reason as to why the dd slept on the floor, mabey she wanted to, mabey the other girl wanted the dd in her room too so they could chat at night no biggie really.

BalloonSlayer · 06/02/2010 09:16

Mmmmm, I do wonder, 8 year olds being what they are whether it went something like this:

DD's friend: Mum, can DD stay tonight?
Mum: Um well not really, I'm going out.
DDF: Oh pleeeease! Babysitter is really nice. DD will love her!
DD: Yes I'll love her. Pleeeease!
Mum: Well we haven't got a spare bed or duvet
DD: That doesn't matter! I'll sleep on the floor. I only need a blanket!
Mum: Errrm OK then if that's what you really want...
DD/DDF: Yayyyyy!!

A few hours later and DD is not so comfy, her friend is snoring and suddenly she forgets how keen she was about it all, and it's all someone else's fault.

YourCallIsImportant · 06/02/2010 09:24

Neither my DD or any of her friends would ever have/ask for a sleepover on a school night. It just wouldn't happen.

What about your DDs homework and school uniform?

If you know the mum well enough to allow the above, then you should be capable of asking her about what went on.

TBH, this sounds like a wind up.

junkcollector · 06/02/2010 09:32

"dd slept alone on a cold wooden floor with just a blanket". Is your DD prone to be dramatic? Cos this sounds like exaggeration.

You should talk to the mum. It all sounds a bit wierd.

campocaro · 06/02/2010 09:43

No sleepovers on a school night-agree and plan sleepovers in advance-otherwise you're asking for trouble IMO.

2rebecca · 06/02/2010 09:43

YANBU. I think having a babysitter supervise a sleepover is a miserable thing to do to your babysitter and very inhospitable.
If a child is sleeping on the floor they should at least have a camping mat to sleep on and sleeping bag or proper covers.

Original poster

dorie · 06/02/2010 10:34

This is not a wind up! As for school uniform I mentioned this to the mum when she asked if dd could sleep over. She was wearing her uniform as she went to friends straight from school. The mum said she would put all dd's clothes in the wash, which she did. And dd only gets homework on a friday to be in on Monday so homework was not a concern.

I do not usually permit sleep overs on a school night - although dd has had friends sleep here on school night when friends mum has asked me to "babysit".

I would not dream of expecting a child to sleep on a cold floor and it did not enter my head that someone else would tbh. Any child who has slept here on a school night has had a comfortable nights sleep in our spare bed, and has gone into school refreshed.

OP posts:

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