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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at friend's mum

61 replies

dorie · 05/02/2010 23:48

My dd is 8. Yesterday she was invited to her friends home after school for a playdate. She regularly goes to this friends house and visa versa. Her friend had slept over ours last week.

Friends mum called me at 6pm to ask whether it would be ok for dd to sleep over. I asked dd if she would like to. She begged for me to agree, saying that friends mum was taking them to McD's and she could borrow friends pj's etc - I know the family and there are no concerns about hygiene.

I spoke to friends mum again and agreeed that dd could stay over and asked her to call me if there were any problems and that I would pick her up - no matter what time through the night.

DD now tells me that she cried all night because she had to sleep on the floor and that friends mother had gone out with her friends leaving the children with a babysitter.

I am furious!!

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 07/02/2010 11:05

so she did sleep on the bare floor!! bloody angry for you ..as I said just don't let her sleepover again.

borderslass · 07/02/2010 11:10

what was wrong with top and tailing my daughters often did this at sleepovers in fact eldest did it until she was 15 god knows how they slept.

AuntieMaggie · 07/02/2010 11:12

what happened to "top to tail" bed sharing that we did when we were this age?

i wouldn't necessarily stop DD from going there for playdates but wouldn't lt her stay overnight again.

karen2205 · 07/02/2010 11:43

IMO 8 years old is old enough to know that if you're really very upset, the right thing to do is find a telephone and phone home, rather than staying where you are and crying all night.

The floor with a sleeping bag/blow up mattress/duvet seems like a perfectly reasonable sleeping place to me and everyone involved should have discussed what was needed/where she'd be sleeping before bed time.

diddl · 07/02/2010 11:48

Reading again, I think OP is BU for letting her daughter sleep over on a school night.

And I agree, with karen-8 is old enough to phone or ask someone else to.

Pogleswood · 07/02/2010 11:58

I'd be furious if that had happened to us! I can remember sleeping on the floor with just a blanket as a student ,and being absolutely freezing.At our sleepovers people sleep on blow up mattresses,but at 8 DD and her friends usually slept together.I'd have expected the friend to have done something actually,if her friend was crying and cold,here if any one is upset,DD or DS would've come to get me if they couldn't help.
I think it is a little harsh to say an 8 year old should be able to phone or ask someone to,in the face of an arrangment made by her Mum and her friend's mum,and faced with a babysitter she didn't know,who'd sworn at her.Sticking it out might well have seemed the best option.
I think it was totally irresponsible of the friend's Mum,and I wouldn't let DD stay again.

rey · 07/02/2010 11:59

must say I am amazed!!!!!!!!
I don't think 8 year old is anywhere near old enough for a POLITE (and upset) child to phone or even ask someone else to.

Morloth · 07/02/2010 12:06

I don't know about furious, perhaps mildly annoyed.

One night of missing you and sleeping on a cold floor is unlikely to affect her in the long term. Now you know not to allow sleepovers at that friend's house.

Not really seeing the big deal.

macdoodle · 07/02/2010 12:09

ooh sorry I missed the apart about the babysitter swearing and the mother being too drunk to come home
Apart from my feelings that it shouldnt have happened at all, that is unacceptable, and I would be having a word with the mother! But TBH if it had been my DD1, she would have told me the minute I walked in the door!

Original poster

dorie · 07/02/2010 17:49

macdoodle I have already said that friends mum washed all dd's clothes - including knickers. And a bit of toothpaste rubbed over hre teeth with her finger would not do her any harm for one day.

DD has slept at other friends houses on school nights with no problem whatsoever. Her friends have also slept at ours with no problems. This just happened to be a spur of the moment thing when DD was at friends home where she had been invited for tea straight from school. The girls were getting on really well and so friends mum asked dd if she would like to stay over. This is not unusual in our village.

As regards the phone my dd would not have walked around someone elses home looking for a phone. Pity she did not have her moble with her though - which she would have if it had been a planned sleepover.

Thank you to all those who have left supportive messages. As I have already said I have discussed this with friends mum and DD will not be sleeping over there again in a hurry - though I have no objection to friend coming to ours.

OP posts:

junglist1 · 07/02/2010 18:05

So not even a nice Miss Honey type babysitter but a nasty dragon. Lovely. And I'd be fuming if my child was left on a fucking wooden floor. Couldn't they have given her a duvet to lie on at least???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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