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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to by irritated by my nursery's attempts to potty-train my children before I wish to?

57 replies

parakeet · 05/02/2010 22:19

I accept there are lots of different approaches to potty training. But with my first daughter I did the "start late then go in with all guns blazing" technique. It was pretty successful and I would like to do the same with my second daughter, so I was planning to wait til this summer, when she will be 2 and three quarters, before I even show her the pot.

The manager of my nursery, however, seems to prefer a "start early and gradually" approach, and is trying to foist this on my second child (just as they tried to with my first). I have just discovered on one of her daily sheets that she did a poo in a potty today - "Gold star". Well thanks, but what was she doing on a potty in the first place? She's only 2 and 3 months.

I am planning to have words. Before I do, is this standard practice at nurseries, to just stick toddlers on potties willy nilly, so to speak, without getting parents' permission first?

Thanks for any replies

OP posts:
BooHooo · 05/02/2010 22:24

Bottom line is it's up to you but I really don't see any harm personally. Also what works for one child may differ with another.

WidowWadman · 05/02/2010 22:24

So she's done it, I guess all her mates are doing it, she gets praised for it and you're annoyed because it doesn't fit your arbitrary age range decision?

Alambil · 05/02/2010 22:26

what is the issue? she's clearly ready - she would have put it on her head otherwise

MrsFlittersnoop · 05/02/2010 22:26

TBH, I had such awful trouble potty-training my DS that I was very grateful when his nursery managed to get him out of nappies (for wees at least) by their own initiative when he was 3.4.

Why not see how things go with your DD? She might be ready. If she seems bothered by the nursery's efforts then you could ask them to stop.

DS didn't poo out of a nappy until he was almost 4. We had a bad time of it.

smokinaces · 05/02/2010 22:37

Our nursery states on the information when you start there that once they move into the 2-3 room they will start encouraging potties/toilets.

Obviously you can say no. But tbh, if shes pooed on it, is happy about it, roll with it. Just because being over 3 worked with your first child doesnt mean your second needs to wait that long.

DS1 was dry all day at 25m. DS2 is currently 23m and there is no way he'll be the same. Each child is different. Roll with it.

smokinaces · 05/02/2010 22:39

sorry, I'm obviously in a dog mood tonight, with two instructions for you to roll over. I'll start patting you on the head and offering treats next.

doozle · 05/02/2010 22:42

Before you have words, have you considered that she might have gone to the potty spontaneously, having watched others do it? What makes you think they are pushing it on her?

I am in agreement with other, think if she's done it on the potty, she's probably ready and happy to do so. Why try to stop it? It's actually a very positive step.

ruddynorah · 05/02/2010 22:42

i was delighted when dd's nursery said they thought she was ready for potty training. i think she got it quickly partly because lots of others in her room were training too. she was dry by her 2nd birthday.

Original poster
parakeet · 05/02/2010 22:49

OK, you lot have made me rethink my kneejerk reaction, which I am grateful for (and what I posted for).

BUT maybe I should just explain myself a little more. It's not so much the starting age I am concerned about, it's the approach - gradually versus "all guns blazing". I just don't have time for sticking her on the potty every so often, see how it goes - you could be doing this for months. I prefer the intensive approach. I followed the Gina Ford Potty Training in One Week book, and (much as I detest this woman's advice on routines for new babies), with potty training, it really really worked for my first-born. So I want to do it for my second-born. And my nursery is wrecking all my carefully laid plans!

And summer is a much better time for potty training anyway, because they can toddle around bare-arsed in the garden.

OP posts:
Danthe4th · 05/02/2010 22:50

I wouldn't say 2 and 3 months is early, I think maybe you're a little bit peaved that they realised your daughter is ready and you didn't.
Go with it, praise your daughter and be grateful the job is done.

Alambil · 05/02/2010 22:50

but she could be dry BY summer... how often is she at nursery? Will they have a large amount of influence?

Original poster
parakeet · 05/02/2010 22:57

She is there 2.5 days a week, so a fair amount of influence.

I don't think I'm peeved they know her better than me, I'm more irritated they have done this without consulting me. However, yes Doozle, it's true she might just have been copying the other children, so I should be careful not to sound critical before finding out about that.

You lot have actually made me rethink, so maybe I will tell them that I don't have time to be doing any of this myself right now, but if they want to do it, then fine, and I'll wait and see how she gets on.

Thanks for your words of wisdom.

OP posts:
Triggles · 06/02/2010 07:01

Just that little bit of doing it those days she is at nursery, even if you're not currently using the potty for her at home, might help when you DO start at home. It'll be familiar and she will relate it to good things such as rewards on a star chart and the other children doing it as well.

belgo · 06/02/2010 07:22

I was very grateful to my dd's crèche when I discovered she was potty trained at 23 months.

The crèche obviously had more experience then me at potty training children and they knew she was ready. Watching other children using the potty/small toilet in crèche probably helped teach my dd what to do. My dd only spent two days a week there.

belgo · 06/02/2010 07:24

books, carefully laid plans and techniques do not fit well with potty training imo- because it's a development process individual to that child, nothing to stress about, nothing to worry about.

vess · 06/02/2010 07:39

YABU
Nappies are bad for the envirnoment (even washable ones) and not exactly comfortable to wear, so the sooner they're gone, the better! The nursery is doing you a favour IMHO.

ruddynorah · 06/02/2010 09:20

stick a few potties around the house. she may surprise you and want to show you the new thing she's learned at nursery!

harecare · 06/02/2010 09:25

YABU how come you have time to change her nappy but not the time to let her use a the pot? Doesn't make sense.

thesecondcoming · 06/02/2010 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldenSnitch · 06/02/2010 09:32

It's not the putting the child on the potty that takes the time - it's the cleaning the accidents up off the floor!!

coldtits · 06/02/2010 09:34

YABU

It is not acceptable to leave a child incontinent because you cannot be bothered to support continence.

And really, if you don't have time to potty train a toddler, you should have given breeding a little more thought.

groundhogs · 06/02/2010 09:45

Jesus christ, if someone wanted to potty train my DC, and do the mainstay during the day stuff? I would gladly accept!

OP, you may think they have kind of usurped your plans, but think of the bigger picture, PT has to be done, sooner or later. Sooner - as long as she is ready - is better.

By the nusery taking it upon themselves, it's so much easier for you, and indeed for her - she will 'compete' with her schoolmates and be rewarded - it'll do her no end of good!

Be proud, and support the nursery wholeheartedly!

londonone · 06/02/2010 10:06

If you want to lay down the law about when your child is potty trained then look after her yourself. If you are not prepared to spend the time looking after your child then you do cede some control over what they do.

Northernlurker · 06/02/2010 10:20

Parakeet - you are being a bit precious here. The way nurseries work is with large scale nappy changing and toilet visits at set intervals plus visits as and when emergencies occur. In that environment it's very easy for little ones to get the idea about using the potty and want to try it too.That's obviously what's happened with your daughter. You can keep sending her in nappies for as long as you like but if the nursery are prepared to introduce the idea - and they won't push it if it's not working - then you should go with that. If she is ready though then you have to go with it. Potty training is a major pain - I had a total meltdown one day in to it with dd3, convinced she wasn't ready and I'd made a terrible mistake. The following day was much better and two days later we'd cracked it. It's part of parenting - just deal with it.

If you go and make a fuss at nursery you risk them thinking you both idle and disinterested.....

Eddas · 06/02/2010 10:28

op, I actually think people are being unfiar on you especially those saying if you don't wnat nursery to make decisions you should keep your child at home Those sort of comments are very unhelpful, as we all know the SAHM/working mum debate comes up often on mn and i'm suprosed at people jumping on someone who has to put their child into nursery but shock-horror still retain some say in what happens with their own child. I think the sentiment is correct, you cannot retain such decisions as the nursery aren't singling your child out, they do the same thing for every child, which they have to as following the whims of each childs parents would be impossible, but it could've been put alot better by some posters.

I think you've now realised that you cannot ask the nursery not to potty train your child and IMO you shouldn't but I don't blame you for wanting to keep some control. My dc went to nursery for 6 months and I didn't like the lack of control I had, I also didn't like the nursery really but that's another issue. I'm much happier that ds is now with a CM as she follows what I want to do, or at least asks if it's ok to do things.