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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to by irritated by my nursery's attempts to potty-train my children before I wish to?

57 replies

parakeet · 05/02/2010 22:19

I accept there are lots of different approaches to potty training. But with my first daughter I did the "start late then go in with all guns blazing" technique. It was pretty successful and I would like to do the same with my second daughter, so I was planning to wait til this summer, when she will be 2 and three quarters, before I even show her the pot.

The manager of my nursery, however, seems to prefer a "start early and gradually" approach, and is trying to foist this on my second child (just as they tried to with my first). I have just discovered on one of her daily sheets that she did a poo in a potty today - "Gold star". Well thanks, but what was she doing on a potty in the first place? She's only 2 and 3 months.

I am planning to have words. Before I do, is this standard practice at nurseries, to just stick toddlers on potties willy nilly, so to speak, without getting parents' permission first?

Thanks for any replies

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 10:35

yanbu,they should discuss any plans with you.collaborative and meeting your preference.do talk to them

Bonsoir · 06/02/2010 10:45

To a certain extent, when you use institutional childcare of any description, you just have to fit in with the behaviours that are expected of the children in the environment you have signed up to. It's a menu. If you want à la carte childcare, you need to use a nanny in your own home or stay at home yourself.

gingernutlover · 06/02/2010 10:49

is it possible that your dd took herself to the potty and did a poo, unprompted?

I know thats what my dd did at nursery. I was suprised and a bit aprehensive but we just went for it andshe was dry within a few days. I too wanted to wait for summer hols when I can take a couple of weeks off but it didnt happen that way.

If you think they are sitting her on the potty and it was more luck than their judgment then YANBU.

If they say she watched the others, then decided to do it herself then YABU to stop it.

Just send a big pile of knickers, and if you are that worried about at home then put her in pull ups (Ican't see how a few pairs of wet knickers is that inconvenient - well no more than nappy changes really.

Pop a towel in her car seat and buggy and job done.

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 06/02/2010 10:49

Wow, if our nursery did this I'd be bloody grateful. DS is only 24mo, and def not ready (scared of the potty ) but I'm hoping that if he sees the children in the room at nursery using the toilet, he'll want to copy..

Reallytired · 06/02/2010 10:51

Its so much nicer for a child to poo in a potty than their nappy. They don't get covered in poo all over their bottom and they get less nappy rash. I find it hard to understand why the poster should object. The most important thing is that a child is happy rather than following a particular baby book.

If I was you I would go with the flow. Let the nursery put your child on the potty and don't bother at home. Serious potty training can be left until the summer and then you can go straight to pants.

I put my 9 month old daughter on the potty at home. Babies have a voiding reflex and often poo after a meal. As I am using cloth nappies it is really nice to catch the odd poo. However at nursery she wears disposible nappies and does not get put on the potty.

Children are usually very adaptable.

Bonsoir · 06/02/2010 10:51

Also, in many ways it is much easier to potty train a child at nursery than a child who is with his/her mother. Children at nursery spend a lot more of their life near the potty/loo than do children who are with their mothers and spend so much more of their day out and about running household errands.

Missus84 · 06/02/2010 10:58

You can always let the nursery potty train her on the 2.5 days she's there and then keep her in nappies at home - it'll be nice for her to have a couple of nappy free days a week.

Once she's reliably trained at nursery you can take the nappy off at home too - they're basically doing all the work for you.

dixiechick1975 · 06/02/2010 11:36

My daughter was at nursery 3 days as a toddler. When they went into the toddler room (22 months or so) it was given that they would be encouraged to use the potty. The potties were in a little bathroom with free access off the toddler room. It would have been hard for the nursery to 'ban' one child from the potty imo. Once she did start potty training nursery were very anti pull ups.

DD was my first and I felt very much like they knew what they were doing and went with it. However DD had a (stressful) hospital appointment every week at the time involving an hour each way in the car. Looking back I should have had her in pullups on these days. Also it was winter and coming home from nursery with a bag of wet clothes each night was a nuisance.

I guess what i'm saying is let nursery do their thing and you do what you feel best on your days.

thesecondcoming · 06/02/2010 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shockers · 06/02/2010 16:10

I think irritation at not being informed/asked is natural.
However, I think children like to do what their peers are doing to a certain extent so I'd be happy for the support.
They should have discussed stategies with you though, so that you could 'work' together.

JemL · 06/02/2010 16:30

I can see where the OP is coming from.

I trained DS at 3 - he went straight onto using the toilet, and was dry within a day or two. My friend used the gradual approach, starting not long after her DS was 2 - yes, he would often go on the potty, but he had loads of accidents, will not use the toilet to poo, and still wears pull ups if out for the day. Just because a child uses the potty, doesn't mean they are ready to be out of nappies.

DS went to a childminder though, so there was more flexibility. I would speak to the nursery, they should be keeping you in the loop.

belgo · 06/02/2010 17:24

jemL- my dd1 trained at 23 months, and had virtually no accidents from then on, in fact she has a stronger bladder then the lot of us.

It does depend on the child, but if I had waited until she was three years old to potty train, that's a year's worth of unnecessary nappies and the nappy companies rub their hands in glee.

zapostrophe · 06/02/2010 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HSMM · 06/02/2010 19:58

I am a CM and I potty train in line with parents requests, but if a child asks to sit on the potty (where they may do a wee or poo), then I am not going to stop them and I will tell their parents. A quick chat with your child's key worker at the nursery may clear all this up.

scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 20:03

my nursery adheres to parental preferences how and when to potty train.each child has keyworker and action plan.

Quattrocento · 06/02/2010 20:07

Have absolutely no patience with this trend for having children in nappies later and later. Gold star for the nursery IMO

scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 20:17

nappy at 27months=no problemo
in a nappy at 5+yo=problemo

Portofino · 06/02/2010 20:20

I think peer behaviour helps big time! At dd's creche they started when they had a group that were all twoish. We sent them in with no nappies and several changes of clothes. It worked fantastically! I can only be grateful!

scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 20:22

absolutely peer pressure increases interest and keeping up with the jonses.

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 20:29

YABU, she is at the age where she would like to copy other children, and she sounds ready so whats the fuss, just because she is below the age you wish to do it and its not in the summer . My dd is 2.11 and i would be grateful if someone took over from me, she is going to nusery school in March when she is 3 where there will be someone there who will help her learn to use the toilet, i have been trying and tearing my hair out and we are back to square one. DD does recognise when she needs to go and just wees like a baby would no interest or anything.

I have put her in knickers for a few hours each day to encourage her and get her used to being wet and dry, will go cold turkey late spring early summer and just put her in knickers full time, if she is ready before than all the better. Sorry for the rambling just had to ramble as i am really stressing but trying not to show my dd than just inernally stressing

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 20:30

meant dd does not recognise when to go and does not make any connections at all

LittleMrsHappy · 06/02/2010 20:35

Firstly we dont know if she is mimicking the other children in potty training.

OP, I can see why your upset at the decision the nursery have taken, it is not their responsibility to do this, it is yours, and in someway you feel undermined as her parent?, I can understand this.

If she has done it on her own accord, then follow suit, she might be ready take ler lead, if not ask the Nursery to wait until your dd is ready and not when they feel she is ready.

but dont do as a poster said, allow her to potty train for 2+ days and then her in a nappy for the rest of the time, this will confused her and in my opinion make it more complicated for the potty training.

callmeovercautious · 06/02/2010 20:37

Parakeet - in DDs Nursery they offer them the potty from 2 yrs. We also put one out at home so she could play with it etc from that age. 4 Months later we had a week off work so did the GF routine (like you I liked the PT book but am not so keen on her other ideas).

We had it cracked quite quickly. I actually think that the gradual introduction fitted with GFs stage 1 then we were able to just crack on with stage 2 when we had a few days to go "all guns" at it.

Perhaps you can suggest to Nursery that you are happy with them letting her go if she wants but not to force it? I am guessing you are worried she will be put off if forced too soon?

Hope it works out for you - YANBU as I think the Nursery should respect your wishes.

cookielove · 06/02/2010 20:39

Def do not let her potty train at nursery and not at home, so many reason why not to thesecondcoming is right is unfair on everyone involved and so confusing for the child.

Have you thought she may have asked to go? No nursery worker should say no to a child who wants to sit on a potty, you need to be positive about these things.

Personally working in a potty training room, we do ask the parents whether they would like their child to sit on a potty, most say yes, wouldn't put a child on a potty unless spoken to the parents first (unless as stated above that the child requested it).

pigletmania · 06/02/2010 20:47

Wish my dd showed interest in toilet,potty etc at 2.11 one would think so but no (2 failed attempts at PT). Think that in may i will just go cold turkey when she is 3.2 and she has been at nursery for 2 months. Its great that they have a nursery nurse there that supports the potty training so will take some pressure off me and hopfully she will see the other 'big kids' using the 'big toilet', the nursery is attached to the primary school she will be going to later.