To think this is a poor show so early in a relationship?

[palomasmum]

I have a new boyfriend who keeps talking about other women he's slept with who had a 'perfect' face or boobs. And it is always after we've just had sex.

To clarify, I do not feel bad about my looks. I know I am very attractive - not trying to sound big headed but to say that I don't feel bad about my own looks so I don't think I'm projecting, here. I don't mind at all if boyfriends I have watch porn or openly talk about a woman's good looks.

But I think for this person to start talking about some other woman's breasts just after he's had sex with me is a plan designed to make me feel bad which only he knows the reason for. He has done this a number of times now and always after we have had sex. I am hurt, not because I think other women are a threat to me but because he must WANT to hurt me for some reason. The man in question is very socially aware so I do not think it's a case of insensitivity.

So am I being over sensitive?

I agree, robust self-esteem and preservation is always a good thing - many of us give someone the benefit of the doubt a little too long, try and keep the good bits, haven't the assertiveness to say 'no' soon enough etc, but there's something ironic, perhaps, in offering this advice in the form of sarcastic impatience - with your Jesus Wept etc. Pretty belittling.

Ah well, tis MN, which IS rather like Oprah, and I'm sure having seen off creepo-man, the OP doesn't need me to speak on her behalf!

Emotions can override logic when you're physically intimate. I'm sure if a friend described this to me i'd likely be horrified.

op posted in aibu about her arse of boyfriend.fair few other responses asked why she continued to see him after comments

spill your guts on aibu expect a straight answer

scottishmummy
she has picked out the bad things to tell us. Obv thre was lots more, probably which wasnt bad. Most people dont run at the first commnt they dont like.
It really isnt helpful imo to blame women for getting hookd in by abusive men.

Ooooh, yes - it's aibu - entirely R to harangue and bully a woman who is leaving a relationship with a bullying bf, that's all the fun of it. AIBU is such a boon to MN.

not apportioning blame.but in a situation of being involved with nasty partner yes the woman has to take some responsibility too

that is true with any behaviour in life and situations we find self in

or else how will one learn not to repeat such patterns?

experiential learning and reflection allow for growing and avoidance of negative situations

hmm.
yes, but there is a difference between taking responsibility, and blaming.

im not apprtiomning blame.
i am saying reflact upon this.
what have you learned.
how was he able to prey upon you at all
what can you do to avoid this situation again

to simply say oh it is all the man fault,and not consider the female role is over looking what triggers/responses does a woman have to such a man .and why

We live in a world where women are constantly being told to ignore their own feelings in a relationship lest they come across as insecure, jealous, hysterical or bossy.

I can quite see how this man thought he could get away with his little game, and I imagine it has worked for him before. Had the op asked him not to talk about exes' bodies right after sex, he would have made out that the problem lay with her for "not being able to handle it". I imagine many, if not most, women would have accepted that and let him carry on, all the while feeling more and more insecure, but pretending to be cool with it all.

The op has done well to spot how nasty this behaviour was so quickly. Blaming her for it is ridiculous.

Well done for getting shut of him, but I still can't help wishing that you'd had the opportunity to comment on the perfect physique of some of your exs!

skidoodle - you've summed it up. I am confident about myself so I didn't want to appear childish or jealous.

He himself uses the word 'jealous' a lot in general conversation which perhaps says something about him - perhaps he is jealous. I find that the words people choose can speak volumes about their personality.

scottishmummy - you are being every bit as nasty as the OP's "boyfriend".

also he made a big effort with my baby or appeared to so I thought he seemed genuine

Well done for seeing it for what it is - a stupid little game from a stupid little man.

A lesson learned palomasmum, don't beat yourself up, it is not your fault, just be super aware for the next guy you get involved with - and keep posting here

he sounds a total twat
what on earth are you doing with him?
why not mention your ex's cocks and how big they were and see if he likes that

phew!
you dumped the arsehole