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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a poor show so early in a relationship?

92 replies

palomasmum · 05/02/2010 18:07

I have a new boyfriend who keeps talking about other women he's slept with who had a 'perfect' face or boobs. And it is always after we've just had sex.

To clarify, I do not feel bad about my looks. I know I am very attractive - not trying to sound big headed but to say that I don't feel bad about my own looks so I don't think I'm projecting, here. I don't mind at all if boyfriends I have watch porn or openly talk about a woman's good looks.

But I think for this person to start talking about some other woman's breasts just after he's had sex with me is a plan designed to make me feel bad which only he knows the reason for. He has done this a number of times now and always after we have had sex. I am hurt, not because I think other women are a threat to me but because he must WANT to hurt me for some reason. The man in question is very socially aware so I do not think it's a case of insensitivity.

So am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 05/02/2010 18:55

It sounds like he thinks you're waaaay out of his league. Dump.

MaggieTaSeFuar · 05/02/2010 18:57

he's objectifying women and trying to keep you on your toes.

i agree with the poster who says tell him his faults. my last boyfriend was civilised, and better in bed. adios

Blu · 05/02/2010 19:00

It sounds as if he does this as part of some personal fantasy or kink or need to hurt you, it isn't normal post coital behaviour at all.

Fine if you both want to fantasise about other people and mutually go 'oh, you remind me of , he had' or whatever, but you should not be subjected to his personal memory lane, no.

It sounds very not nice, and I would say, don't persist.

EdgarAllenSnow · 05/02/2010 19:01

welcome to Twatsville!
population: Him.

i'd be heading for the city limits personally....

OtterInaSkoda · 05/02/2010 19:28

In my (slightly extensive) experience of men's behaviour post-coitally I would advise you to run, run, run. He's a bad'un.

ashbrook · 05/02/2010 19:32

If you were your best friend and she told you think what would you say ? Run as fast as you can- have a bit of respect for yourself, this is bullshit rubbish.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/02/2010 19:40

Are you joking ?

Monty100 · 05/02/2010 19:41

If there's a next time say 'my last boyfriend, who incidentally has a far nicer body than you, was absolutely gorgeous and he had manners as well, now let me think of an example, oh year he would never have behaved in such a dickified way as you do, so do one sunshine.'

PotPourri · 05/02/2010 19:44

YANBU. He's trying to be cruel and hurt you deliberately so that he can feel like a bit man.

Good for you being so confident in your own looks! Don't let him erode that - he will if you let him keep on doing it you know.

I really like the comment dilema suggested. If you want to stick with him despite him being a nonce, maybe have something ready for next time he says something as if you are agreeing that everyone is different, something like "yes, some of my exes had much better manhood/technique/staying power than you - but hey, you can't have everything eh?"

Original poster

palomasmum · 05/02/2010 20:00

Yes, I don't need him to tell me I'm good looking but maybe he wants me in a position where I don't think I'm all that. Incidentally I have noticed that when we're out and men look at me, he doesn't like it. This is probably a control thing I suspect.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 05/02/2010 20:02

Jesus wept why do you return for more verbal humiliation.

"He has done this a number of times now"

grow fucking spine.if you dont assert yourself he will continue to make cruel comments

he is like this because you allow him to be.you acquiesce and then grumble on mn.from his point of view he gets his nat king cole,makes cheeky comments and you come back for more

do ditch him - pronto

but on a deeper level,is this your first bad lad or have you dated gits before.you need to learn a lesson from this and dont date such a man again.next time any man makes you feel so bad,he gets marching orders 1st time.dont put up with this shite

ChippingIn · 05/02/2010 20:07

Not much else to say is there?

Dump. Him.

EleanorBuntingCupcake · 05/02/2010 20:09

sounds like a keeper, you lucky gel!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/02/2010 20:16

where's that list someone put on the other day that gives signs of someone you want to avoid ....?

KerryMumbles · 05/02/2010 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooberHasBookedHerHols · 05/02/2010 20:20

Get ya coat.

scottishmummy · 05/02/2010 20:20

you dont need a list to tell you your partner shouldn't make comparisons about other lovers

it feels uncomfortable for a reason.because it is wrong

skidoodle · 05/02/2010 20:21

No next time. No comments about his dick.

Just dump him. If you're feeling kind you could tell him why, but you don't owe him anything.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/02/2010 20:24

^scottish6 - no I know that ....

BitOfFun · 05/02/2010 20:24

You aren't stupid. You will dump him, right?

scottishmummy · 05/02/2010 20:26

no you go gerlfriend bluster.it's real life not oprah.

were you decide whether you really want to be be with a man like that

Original poster

palomasmum · 05/02/2010 20:27

In other ways he has seemed really caring and didn't say these things at first. They seemed to kind of creep in. I knew when he said it it was a bad sign. I haven't replied to his phone call since.

OP posts:

OtterInaSkoda · 05/02/2010 20:30

I second skidoodle. You owe him nothing. No reason to mention his cock.

scottishmummy · 05/02/2010 20:32

palomasmum,you are excusing his behaviours with the ole "hes a nice guy really" line

if he was so fucking nice you wouldn't be spilling your guts to strangers on a Friday night

but you seem determined not to see flaws.
so looks like you will have to put out and put up with his boorish manners

nice

Original poster

palomasmum · 05/02/2010 20:34

No, I think he's an arse but I was taken in at first. I'm not making excuses

OP posts:

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