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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a poor show so early in a relationship?

92 replies

palomasmum · 05/02/2010 18:07

I have a new boyfriend who keeps talking about other women he's slept with who had a 'perfect' face or boobs. And it is always after we've just had sex.

To clarify, I do not feel bad about my looks. I know I am very attractive - not trying to sound big headed but to say that I don't feel bad about my own looks so I don't think I'm projecting, here. I don't mind at all if boyfriends I have watch porn or openly talk about a woman's good looks.

But I think for this person to start talking about some other woman's breasts just after he's had sex with me is a plan designed to make me feel bad which only he knows the reason for. He has done this a number of times now and always after we have had sex. I am hurt, not because I think other women are a threat to me but because he must WANT to hurt me for some reason. The man in question is very socially aware so I do not think it's a case of insensitivity.

So am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/02/2010 20:34

Also, if he wasn't nice sometimes, you'd never be with him at all. You are not stupid. Trust your instincts

BitOfFun · 05/02/2010 20:36

He's going to get really arsey about you not returning his calls you know- it's in the script. What are you going to say when he shows up?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/02/2010 20:36

this is what I was thinking of. May or may not be relevant.

DandyLioness · 05/02/2010 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
palomasmum · 05/02/2010 20:47

BOF - I haven't been with him long - only a month. So he doesn't know where I live yet.

I know deep down he's bad for me. Game over

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 05/02/2010 20:52

yep,listen to your instincts.no one needs this rubbish

BitOfFun · 05/02/2010 20:54

Good for you.

pigletmania · 05/02/2010 21:35

Drop him now! Why are you attracted to such a knob

SixtyFootDoll · 05/02/2010 21:42

Trust yur gut ffeeling

Original poster
palomasmum · 05/02/2010 22:08

Sometimes you need to hear what other people think so you know you aren't imagining it.

OP posts:
BooHooo · 05/02/2010 22:20

A taste of what is to come...dump now. Move on.

Original poster
palomasmum · 06/02/2010 10:17

yep, the writing is on the wall. I can see that this is an early sign of the possible abuse that is to come where I end up feeling worthless so that he's in control I guess.

Plus he's homophobic which I don't like either.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 10:25

he sounds a right bawbag.was he initially charming -what compelled you to get it on with that tool

Bonsoir · 06/02/2010 10:27

It's just wrong to talk about your previous sexual partners with your current sexual partner.

Comparisons between sexual partners should be reserved for discreet, intimate same-sex friendships over a glass of wine!

Original poster
palomasmum · 06/02/2010 10:47

scottishmummy, yes, he's always very attentive, very 'concerned' about how I am and wanting to appear to be looking after me.

OP posts:
Jenbot · 06/02/2010 10:50

What a weird man.

scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 10:56

valuable lesson learned-trust your instincts. yes i suppose initially he would be charismatic and have good social veneer to distract from fact he is a nasty

Original poster
palomasmum · 06/02/2010 11:02

if he was decent I would feel happy not uncomfortable. He also says of me 'this body is mine' I thought he was joking but now I wonder

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 06/02/2010 11:03

He sounds totally wrapped up in himself and unaware that there is a person, not an object, in front of him.

Run for the hills!

Bonsoir · 06/02/2010 11:04

Does he ever question your feelings?

Blu · 06/02/2010 11:04

Good luck with moving on, Palomasmum. When you add up all the signs, it doesn't make a good picture at all - well done for not falling for the smokescreen of the flattery at other times etc. It's easy enough to get caught up in the first excitement of a new relationship - just get the hell out while you have nothing to lose.

You might have to be clear and direct in telling him that you don't wish to continue the relationship, just tell him it's not fo you. Then block his number.

scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 11:06

why did you ever get with this man?are you drawn to bad lads.everry time you describe soemthing else he said,makes me wonder what kind of doormat and/or martyr are you.sorry but you need to take some responsibility for fact he said all this stuff and you still slept with him

yes you have wised up now,but come on how come 1st time you didn't think right im offsky - and do it

nighbynight · 06/02/2010 11:06

He sounds a bit scarey. I agree with whoever said that maybe he thinks you are above him.

piglet, these situations creep up on you---the op sounds as though she has picked up on early signs that he is bad news - it is not fair to criticise women for being taken in by abusers, since charm is the stock in trade of the abuser.

Blu · 06/02/2010 11:09

scottishmummy - why are you being so aggressive to the OP? 'take some responsibility'? responsibility for WHAT? Letting it go on a bit too long? She's said she's out of it now...she hasn't harmed anyone else...is this all a bit near the knuckle for you or something?

scottishmummy · 06/02/2010 11:15

op has baled out now great.but she acquiesced to it (for whatever reasom) and yes perhaops need to look at why. she has a responsibility in that he said all those unkind things and she continued to sleep with him

maybe,reflect upon - well out of there.why did she put up with up

yes man like she describe are predatory and nasty and they if situation arises they prey upon women.i would suggest op makes sure she isnt in that position again

my point is great she has wised up, but why not sooner?

and valuable lesson learned