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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave the room while toddler is in the bath?

142 replies

Downdog · 05/02/2010 16:24

I leave the room while DD is in the bath? Not for the entire bath but I do pop out of the room. I'm never far away, can always hear & converse with her (we live in tiny one bed flat), but I can't always see her if I'm in kitchen getting a drink etc.

OH is furious with me for doing this, but I think he is being overprotective & just trying to get one up on me.

My decision to leave 2.5 year old alone in the bath is one I've thought about, and I can always hear her and I'm never more than a maximum of 8 steps away. I'm very happy with what I've been doing but OH is appalled & got upset. He will often leave to room when he is bathing her, to check out TV etc - but always keeps her in his sight. Whereas I go 4 steps further and can't always see her.

Am I being reckless doing this?

OP posts:
hewasmytwin · 05/02/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

princessparty · 06/02/2010 00:07

In all the links I have found about bath-drowning , people have been incredibly stupid .No bath mats ,going away for much much longer than the OP is talking about, and very young children under 18m.
The scalding danger is worse I think , but you can have the boiler set at a level where 'hot' water won't scald .

differentnameforthis · 06/02/2010 00:14

I read an article once about pool drownings. It said that when a child is drowning, they don't splash, they don't yell because they have no idea what is happening.

differentnameforthis · 06/02/2010 00:21

danceswithfools, what your dd did (or didn't, as the case may be) was exactly what the article said. They don't try to save themselves, they have no understanding that they need saving.

Bunnyjo · 06/02/2010 00:28

I think OP that YABU. My toddler is 2.5 and I certainly wouldn't walk out of the room for any reason.

At the end of the day it takes only 10mins to bathe a child... Seriously, what on earth is THAT important it won't wait 10mins? There is a risk of drowning, scalding, broken limbs from falling whilst trying to get out of bath, swalloing random bath products etc. I'm not scaremongering, but honestly, even if these risks are relatively small, which I know that they are, are they really worth taking?

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 06/02/2010 00:29

I once saw a toddler sitting in about 4 in of water in a swimming pool, while her mother, on the next bed to me, was lying down reading, her head at the furthest distance from the pool.
I was bf DS and watching this girl, who tipped forwards and started to thrash, obviously in trouble but utterly silent, and clearly unable to help herself.
Must have taken a fraction of a second to reach this stage, DS was latched on so all I could do was alert the mother who grabbed her (and quickly left the pool).
I'm sure that mother thought she was 'fine' and that she'd know if her daughter was in trouble, but she clearly had no clue and I dread to think what might have happened if I hadn't been watching.
And this woman was less than 8 steps away.

differentnameforthis · 06/02/2010 00:42

princessparty, I have bath mats, but that doesn't stop my dd (18mth) from slipping. Or tying to climb out the bath!

princessparty · 06/02/2010 00:46

But your DD is only ,18m and I will bet that the child in ourlady's thread was younger than 2.5 too

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 06/02/2010 00:55

OP, please also google "dry drowning". This is essentially when someone (and young children are more at risk of this) swallows a fair amount of water which doesn't seem to cause a problem at the time but does damage the lungs and can possibly cause severe damage or even death within the next 24 hours or so.

I have read a documented case of a 10 (yes ten) year old who went under in a pool, came up of his own accord, went home with his parents, seemed fine, went lethargic and a bit clumsy in the evening (classic signs of oxygen deprivation) and died in his sleep that night. Terribly sad.

If your toddler slips under the water, swallows a fair amount but still manages to come back up and make a noise for you to hear, would you know they had been under? so when they started to react strangely a few hours later you would know to get help for possible dry drowning? NO? then never leave them alone.

Oh and a friend of mines nearly 3 year old was found trying the taste of daddy's special dandruff shampoo in the "minute" it took her to get his towel. Just be organised and have it with you!

My ds is 3.8 and for the 20 minutes he is in the bath, i stay in the room with him. Its not too much to ask to protect the most precious thing in my world from one of the most obvious risks in our home/his daily life.

I really hope you will reconsider given some of the experiences on this thread.

Monty100 · 06/02/2010 01:00

YABU

Please, please don't do it. It pains me to tell you that I know someone who did just that and the worst happened.

The family had a great life ahead of them in USA and have been living in UK since. They are still DEVASTATED, 15 years on.

The mum was just in the next room getting dressed.

porcamiseria · 06/02/2010 09:05

NO, I will be next door tidying and making the bed, I can hear everything and am a nano second away, a baby I would never leave but I think being 10 metres away on the same floor is fine

porcamiseria · 06/02/2010 09:08

OK have read the thread....maybe not? but you are not only one

megonthemoon · 06/02/2010 12:58

mugglewump - ah but for me on this you see, mn does have the answer! In many things it doesn't and I do make my own mind up on lots of parenting things. But on this, I was wondering about it, I was thinking about leaving the room occasionally for these things, but I didn't know if it was right, and I wanted to hear other's views on it - I was on the verge of posting about it myself. If the feeling had been 50:50 on this board then I might well have ignored MN entirely and just pondered it some more before I decided, but the general consensus is so much towards not leaving them at even older than the age my DS is (not quite 2) that it helps sway me towards not, and hence helps me get to the answer

almostreal · 06/02/2010 13:17

YABVU and terribly negligent. Is watching Eastenders more important than your childs life?

Sassybeast · 06/02/2010 13:19

At 2.5 yes YABU. Very.

princessparty · 06/02/2010 13:20

I have read a documented case of a 10 (yes ten) year old who went under in a pool, came up of his own accord, went home with his parents, seemed fine, went lethargic and a bit clumsy in the evening (classic signs of oxygen deprivation) and died in his sleep that night. Terribly sad.

'So do we not 10 year olds go swimming then , or bathe alone ?'

CantSupinate · 06/02/2010 13:32

I may well be the only potential YANBU, lol.

I have popped out to get a towel or a vest, that kind of thing.

I think it depends a lot on your bath set up.
Our bath water is shallow, I talk to tot the whole time I'm out of sight (and expect them to be babbling back or I return in an instant). We have non-slip matts in the bath itself and if I heard the water running I'd be back immediately too (not that you can quickly get very hot water out of our taps, anyway).

Whereas I get the impression from this thread that most people don't use non-slip bath matts, like quite deep bath water, have boiling water in the taps in an instant, and would only pop away to watch several minutes of a soap opera in a far corner of the house. And of course it only takes "a second" (as in literally, a 1/60th of a standard minute) for a child to drown and die.

Once I was reaching for something in the medicine cabinet (in same bathroom as my bathing child) when one of my toddlers slipped in the bath (he was fine, just scared & cried). DH was on the phone at the time to his mum and mentioned what had happened and she said "Oh but you shouldn't leave them alone in the bath!"

And I thought, what? Am I supposed to hover over them with hands and arms around them at every second? I think this whole zero-risk culture has gone way too far.

Sassybeast · 06/02/2010 13:37

Cantsupinate - DH only popped out to get a vest. In those few seconds, DD, aged 2.5, stood up, slipped (despite the non slip matt) cracked her chin on the edge of the bath and pushed 2 teeth through her upper lip. Trip to A &E and 4 stitches later and a valuable lesson learned.

princessparty · 06/02/2010 13:42

How would that have been any different if you had been in teh room.Wouldn't he have had to stand up to get out , when he had finished ?

bronze · 06/02/2010 13:45

I only leave my lot now theyre older and bathe together but examples like the last (sassy beast) don't make sense to me. Even when I'm there it takes seconds for a child to stand up and slip. I would tell them sit straight down but things like that happen whether I'm there or not. I hate baths whent heyre big enough to mess around but small enough to need me there. Our bathroom is tiny (thin sink overlaps loo etc) and I always end up soaked.

Rindercella · 06/02/2010 13:51

CanstSupinate, what on earth made you "get the impression from this thread that most people don't use non-slip bath matts, like quite deep bath water, have boiling water in the taps in an instant"? I don't think anyone has stated that they don't use a non-slip bath mat, or that they liek to run really deep baths for their toddlers, or whatever. That's just a ridiculous statement to make.

This thread has made me really angry. There are many things in life where you have to weigh up the risks - just driving your car for example. But, for me, leaving a small chall unattended in water for any amount of time is just too large a risk to take. And for what? To grab a vest? To make a drink or catch up on a bit of TV? FFS, all of those things, and anything else you deem to be more important than your child's life, can wait. If you have forgotten to take a towel into the bathroom, then take your wet child out to where the towel is, rather than leaving him or her alone. A slightly chilly child is better than a dead child, no?

There are enough tragic stories on this thread to make any parent think that 'just popping out of the room' really isn't worth it.

BrandyAlexander · 06/02/2010 15:06

I wouldn't do it. Bottom line is that its just not worth taking the risk.

mumeeee · 06/02/2010 15:45

YABu, A two year old can drown in a very short time. Your DH is right you are being reckless

megapixels · 06/02/2010 16:11

Yes. Very U. My dd stood up and slipped under at 18 months, and she didn't just calmly pick herself up out of the very shallow water. All she did was thrash about in a panic while still being down. This was in the few milliseconds it took me to lift her up as I was right there sitting on the tub edge. If I was out of the room all I'd have heard would be splashing and assumed she was playing as usual. Even if you hear that something is wrong and rush back a few seconds would be the difference between life and death, is it really worth it???

2.5 is much too young to be left alone in the bath. You seem to have a very dangerous impression that your child is safe being left alone for short times. She is not.

JemL · 06/02/2010 16:19

I would be much more worried about DS1 (3.5) scalding himself - our taps can just be pushed on an off with a lever, and the hot is very, very hot.

I live in a very tiny flat too, I think this is a bit of a circular argument though - yes, it would be worse leaving a child alone in the bath if you lived in a large house, and the rooms were further away, but in those circumstances, chances are you wouldn't take the risk. In a small flat it is much easier to think that leaving the room is safe.