to leave the room while toddler is in the bath?

[Downdog]

I leave the room while DD is in the bath? Not for the entire bath but I do pop out of the room. I'm never far away, can always hear & converse with her (we live in tiny one bed flat), but I can't always see her if I'm in kitchen getting a drink etc.

OH is furious with me for doing this, but I think he is being overprotective & just trying to get one up on me.

My decision to leave 2.5 year old alone in the bath is one I've thought about, and I can always hear her and I'm never more than a maximum of 8 steps away. I'm very happy with what I've been doing but OH is appalled & got upset. He will often leave to room when he is bathing her, to check out TV etc - but always keeps her in his sight. Whereas I go 4 steps further and can't always see her.

Am I being reckless doing this?

Dittany (and I know you didn't ask me) you can hear what they are up to. If they move from one side of the bath to the other, the echo of their voice changes and I've never met a toddler who could quietly climb out of a bath, or keep their voice monotone during.

Young children can drown in seconds. Not a risk I'd take at that age but then there are many things that I wouldn't do that seem to be the norm on MN.

I would never leave either of my DD's in the bathroom alone and they are 2.5 and 3.11.
Yes, bathtimes are dull if they don't need washing/help but so fucking what?
I take my phone with me or a book, sit on the loo and either MN, call people or read my book, all while I am half a metre from my children.
It is simply NOT NECESSARY to leave them, nothing can't wait 5 minutes ffs.

(I have made them walk shivering to their rooms when I have forgotten the towels beforenow, they were cooooold!)

I have sone it and ive never had a problem..but i think it depends on your child ie how sensible they are..r they likely to try climbing out n hurt themselves and how long you are gone..ive had people knock at the door and ive gone to the window in my bedroom which is right next to the bathroom, ive said im bathing little one you'll have to wait. Or ive nipped outa the room 4 a towel im never outa the room more than 2 or 3 mins..and can here her splashing around and singing in the bath. She is 4 now and is very capable of getting in the bath..and having a splash around without me being in the room the whole time. Dont beat yourself up about it my house is tiny, i would certainly never go downstairs and leave her. Ammmcoffee as soon as any of my kids are quite i would check on them straight away and as we are not talking about a baby..if a 2yo fell under water they would be able to lift themselves up, were talking about a bath not a river with a current, and i dare say that the bath is not full either. I think you are being over dramatic...ive got 4 kids and ive done the same with all of them and never ever had a problem..in fact all mine have been bathing themselves since they were 6 and are very capable.

Doesn't anyone enjoy bathtime with their DC? I'd prefer doing that with a 2.5yr old to checking out Eastenders.

YABU but evidently don't want people to say so.

Mind you, I watched - in a not quite believing what I'm seeing way - a similar aged tot put his head through a plastic blind cord thingy at the front of Waitrose ( Waitrose ) last night whilst his mum chatted to the checkout woman. I pointed this out - in a caring sort of way - and received a ' drop dead' look for my trouble. She carried on chatting and child decided not to strangle himself - this time.

i would never leave the room to get a drink or catch up on tv..thats just stupid..but to grab a towel that you forgot.. is not a crime. And i do enjoy bathtime!! Hell ive even had baths with them at that age..thats fun.

Very unreasonable...i held my cousins little girl just before her life support machine was switched off...she too was in a flat while her mum popped out of the bathroom....once something like this happens you cant turn back the clock.

I have a far more important question for all those who say 'a bath only takes 10 minutes'
HOW? Just how do you manage to have such sort bathtimes? I'm lucky if a bath lasts less than 45 minutes, and often they last over an hour. If I get in with them it can last even longer .

Where have I gone wrong with my parenting?

BITCAT - if a 2 yr old fell under the water and banged their head they would not be able to lift themselves up! That's my whole point - it's not just about the risk of them drowning, they can be seriously injured too.

A bath is a slippery place; water + smooth surface = fairly dangerous place to be imo. Therefore, an unattended child - no matter how close the next room is - is at risk of trying to stand up and slipping over and you will not be there to catch them. Why would anyone leave their child for that to happen to them?

logi - so sorry for your families loss, your story is heartbreaking.

I was bathing 12 mo DD today. She was sitting in the bath and playing, I was less than 1 meter away looking at myself in the mirror. I wasn't looking at her for maybe a minute, probably less than that. Movement caught my eye and I saw her emerging from the water, her face all wet and gasping for breath. She was fine, nothing dramatic, but I guess she must have reached for a toy and slipped under the water.

My point is, yes, it is unlikely that something bad will happen in that 1 or 2 minutes.

But what if DD slipped in more unfortunate way, couldn't get herself out and I was away for a minute or two? I did not hear her going under the water today, even though I was right there.

I'm pretty relaxed most of the time, but this is not a risk worth taking.

When are they too old to not slip under the water and drown in seconds while you are listening to them sing 8 metres away then?

Oh and FWIW, I would never choose to miss Eastenders, and nor would DD!

well it never happened to me..thats what slip mats for..and i think..you cant protect children from every injury..as i said if your child is likely to try climb out then i wouldnt leave them but i know my kids wouldnt..and felt perfectly safe..poppin out for a towel. I dont think i ever did leave my first child in the bath until he was 4/5 but as i had more..my eldest would keep an eye on them usually so never really on there own own.

Slip mats do not = perfectly safe child.

FFS

A child can drown at any age..and if a child is silent id be worried mine have always been very vocal and nosey in the bath so i know they are ok..i have always stressed
to the older ones to be very careful when getting in and out of the bath..and from very early age have discouraged them from trying to climb out until they were much older so i knew they wouldnt.

I remember lying in the water 5 or 6 and loosing balance and finding myself face down.
Of course there is less risk with older child than my dd.
Still, 2 years old seems to young to me.

I had a friend who was bathing his 2 yr old dd. (His wife was also there in their very compact house).

He wandered off into another room, went back and found the child floating in the water, blue in colour, and not breathing.

He started resusitation. He knew how to do this because he was a GP.

He tells me that his wife came into the room shouting, "She's dead, she's dead!!" I can scarcely imagine how that must have felt.

Happily, the child survived. His career and marriage did not.

at 5 or 6
too

I didnt say it would make it perfectly safe, but nothing is perfectly safe..but that added with the fact that i could here them, and i was literally 2/3 steps away and knew my own kids. Trouble is there are usually far more to it when a child drowns in a bath..n it isnt just a parent leaving the room for seconds..few steps away. Going to answer the phone or door etc..which i would never do they can wait..1471..after you've finished..if its important they will ring back.

Why take the risk? You would never forgive yourself if anything happened.

Drownings can happen in a split second. YABU.

I leave my DD (3.5) whilst I go and dress DS (10m) in the room next door. I constantly chat to her. We have only started doing this very recently (since she has started bathing at the same time as DS).

She knows not to stand up in the bath if I'm not in the room. She knows not to touch the taps, and she knows not to trash the bathroom in any way by pouring water over the edge of the bath!!!!

Parenting is about evaluating risk and making a thought-out decision. I wouldn't have left my DD at 2.5yo because I wouldn't have believed her to be old/reponsible enough. I do believe it is okay to do so now though, and am really surprised that so many people wait until their children are much older.

I was wondering this tonight. My DS is 22mo and is getting much much better in the bath - no slips in ages, sings and talks all the time - bath time is not quiet in our house . And it got me wondering about when is it okay to start leaving him for a short while? I don't mean 5 mins - I mean a minute max, say to draw curtains in next room or grab his water cup from by his bed to fill up. As ever mn has the answer before I ask - definitely not yet and probably not for a while! So thank you.

FWIW I do nip out to grab the towel - it is often sat on the radiator outside the bathroom. I don't technically have sight line, but I am only a couple of metres away, he is usually talking and it isn't for more than an instant really. But I am wondering now if IABU doing that.

Thanks for giving me something to think about this evening.

I have left ds1, now 6, but not for long. Now he baths with ds2(1) and i often leave them unattended for, very short periods, say to get a towel.
I think you are all over-reacting. I do not think Op is doing wrong.
Shocked at Rockbird comparing bathing to the death of a 4 yr old. that is surely not comparable. what are you trying to say, that we should have stairgates for 4 yr olds ? of course not.

Megonthemoon you said 'And it got me wondering about when is it okay to start leaving him for a short while? I don't mean 5 mins - I mean a minute max, say to draw curtains in next room or grab his water cup from by his bed to fill up. As ever mn has the answer before I ask - definitely not yet and probably not for a while!@

You are wrong, MN doesn't have the answer, you do, and if you feel it's OK then do it.
You can't base your parenting on what people on a website say.
I've gone against the general feeling on MN on this one, and before I had the internet, with other things I'm perhaps more cautious.
Yes, it's good to get other opinions but to say you are wrong when you were considering it, is madness.

I haven't read the whole thread, but OP please don't do this. When my DD was 2 she fell back in the water at the swimming pool. It was at the edge and only a couple of inches deep. I was right next to her and picked her up straight away, but in the few seconds she was under she did nothing to help herself up, just lay there. My friend was there too and we were both completely freaked out. DD looked as if she had drowned, she just lay there. If a child did the same in the bath, you may not get there in time. I have never taken my eye off DCs in the bath since, it really was horrible.