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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think babies don't need to 'learn'

69 replies

VigourMortis · 03/02/2010 21:03

I had an email from one of my friends from antenatal class the other day and have been quietly festering ever since.

Apparently, she saw her DD (4 months) was about to fall off the sofa and 'in that split second' she made the decision not to grab her, but to let her fall - because 'her learning curve has to begin somewhere'. W.T.F.

This is the same mum who left me a bit when she said she was dropping a scoop of formula because her DD was constipated and now has her completely weaned at 4m, dropping milk feeds.

DS managed to roll off the futon bed yesterday and I'm still burning with the horror of it and DP and I have totally reassessed the rules of play. But we're doing the learning - not him...

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/02/2010 21:05

What??????? She let her 4mo baby fall off a sofa to teach her a lesson? And at 4mo she has no milk? She's a fucking fruitcake, and a dangerously stupid one. I think in your place I'd be tempted to tell her so, and why. Or link her this thread!

Original poster
VigourMortis · 03/02/2010 21:07

I know. When I told DP he asked me if I thought she had learning difficulties. I mean, how can a tiny baby with no control over its limbs learn not to fall? I've been festering for a whole week. Saw her the day after and couldn't say anything although I did make some comment about weaning when she told me her DD hardly wanted her milk now she was all weaned. Horrible.

OP posts:
jollyma · 03/02/2010 21:07

Your friend sounds a bit dumb. 4 months is far too young to know what happened and learn from it. Its human nature to want to protect your children; what was she thinking!

Make sure you NEVER take parenting advice from her.

Tee2072 · 03/02/2010 21:08

OMG. Talk to a HV or a GP about this loon, please! A baby can get seriously ill if you don't put as much formula as required into a bottle.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/02/2010 21:08

Are you going to say anything?

Coldhands · 03/02/2010 21:10

When I saw the title, I thought you meant teaching colours etc. When I read the post I was totally .

I can't believe anyone would think a 4 month old could 'learn' by falling off the sofa. And no milk at this age too! They need milk until they are at least 2, bloody idiot!

I would have to say something. Even a weaned baby needs milk still and letting a baby fall is disgusting behaviour, what if the baby had broken something? How would she explain that to the hospital.

thatsnotmymonkey · 03/02/2010 21:10

Oh fuck, that poor baby. No milk now at all?? That is fucked up.

choosyfloosy · 03/02/2010 21:10

Well, re the sofa, her baby has certainly learned that her mother can't be trusted to keep her safe.

What a great lesson!

Can you go and see her (rather than email her back) and say something like 'I really felt shocked when I read your email, about the fall that little Y had. Is she OK?'

i.e. give her a chance to talk more, if she will.

Re the food - well, I think that's a really bad idea, but it's also a bit late on that one, and it's better than starving the little thing.

fernie3 · 03/02/2010 21:10

thats awful! falling off a sofa is high for a little one and you cant stop feeding a 4 month old milk even if they are weaning! If she really does that shes putting her baby in real danger.

TheCrackFox · 03/02/2010 21:15

You really need to speak to her HV about all of this. Do it first thing tomorrow morning.

I know accidents happen but this didn't sound like much of an accident.

Does the baby get any milk at all now. Sorry I am confused on that one. Again this sounds dangerous.

differentnameforthis · 03/02/2010 21:16

She let her 4 month old baby fall off a sofa - that she has obviously left her on - to teach her a lesson?

Poor baby!

FootStamper · 03/02/2010 21:17

I think you have to say something - for the first year of a baby's life milk is a main dietary requirement. Could you arrange a get-together of your NCT group and bring it up then, by naming and shaming her and making her realise that she is in a minority of one perhpas she might change her behaviour. And as for letting her 4 month old fall off a sofa. Words fail me. She must be really really thick.

Doodleydoo · 03/02/2010 21:17

I am bewildered by the fact that any mother would not let their child have some milk. My 2 yo still has milk morning and night and although she drinks a marked amount less than 4 months ago this is by HER choice not mine.

Shocking and irresponsible, surely the digestive system of a 4 mo is not fully equipped to deal with being totally weaned - although I am no expert but i know when I weaned there were some foods that weren't all that agreeable with my dd and I felt happy knowing that at least milk was going in.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/02/2010 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
VigourMortis · 03/02/2010 21:18

She's still giving her a bottle, but only after she's fed her. We said something along the lines of, oh but milk is still her main source of nutrition but she is totally unreceptive to any advice. She dishes out a lot of advice though.

Honestly I wasn't going to post because there's a good chance she'll see it but now I think I hope she does.

She dropped a scoop of formula when her DD was a couple of weeks old. I mentioned it to my HV and she was horrified.

OP posts:
Original poster
VigourMortis · 03/02/2010 21:23

I feel terrible. I should have done something last week but I saw her and her DD seemed well and healthy, a lovely little girl actually although we didn't see much of her because she was ploughing on with her routine (had to arrive at my friend's house before said friend got home and let herself in to start the feed so the routine was not upset). The rest of us are just finding our way, doing our best to keep our babies warm and fed and happy.

I don't know who her HV although I know she is in regular contact via groups and weigh-ins, etc.

OP posts:
dilemma456 · 03/02/2010 21:23

Message withdrawn

differentnameforthis · 03/02/2010 21:32

If you know the surgery she attends, your hv might know who covers that practice.

thatsnotmymonkey · 03/02/2010 21:34

up, talk to your HV, and let them talk to find out who would be your mate HV. This is just so awful, where the hell is she getting her parenting advice?? This is dangerous! What next, a tumble down the stairs so baby knows what a broken bone feels like. Its not on at all. So sad that you are involved in this, I would hate to be you. Can you and a couple of other mums pull her up on it? I would say it would be totally worth offending or upsetting he.

chegirlsgotheartburn · 03/02/2010 21:36

This woman has a totally skewed idea of how a child develops.

She has unrealistic expectations and this can be dangerous.

I dont want to start shouting 'its abusive!'. But parents who have these unrealistic expectations can become abusive.

Its like the mother who says 'she is always trying to wind me up' or the dad who says 'he is doing it on purpose, he waits till I have sat down and then he fills his nappy, he knows what he is doing' about a 5mth old baby.

Putting adult emotions and motivations on to very young children is a common factor in abusive parenting. If you really thought someone spent the whole day deliberately winding you up and taking the piss out of you, well you would be able to justify giving them a slap wouldnt you?

Again - not trying to start a 'call social services' thread. I am not going to comment on the feeding thing either. But the idea she has about a 4mth being able to learn not to fall off a sofa is nuts and dangerous.

taffetacat · 03/02/2010 21:37

OP - your friend sounds barking. Have you considered it might be a mad misguided attempt at competitive parenting and that she is actually bullshitting?

Original poster
VigourMortis · 03/02/2010 21:38

She comes from a different area to the rest of us. I don't know her surgery.

She said to me she found the advice on weaning 'confusing' and I said the way I saw it anyone selling you weaning products said 4 months while the health professionals said 6. I don't think she took it in.

She has worried me from the start because she was always saying 'dd is ready to drop her 11pm feed' and 'dd is ready to drop her 3am feed' etc. Why not just feed your baby?

OP posts:
CirrhosisByTheSea · 03/02/2010 21:38

The letting her fall off the sofa is the thing that needs addressing I think

Unfortunate though it may be, there are people out there who still wean at 4 months, and she is as you say still giving milk not witholding it utterly and completely.

But letting a baby fall to help her 'learn' shows at best, a complete lack of understanding of her baby's developmental stages and at worst, is verging on the cruel. Could she have PND?

I think this is an issue you shouldn't be quiet over. Email her back - tell her this has been worrying you ever since. Tell her how inappropriate it is to ever let a baby fall.

OR approach her HV directly with this info.

Either of these is an option but I don't think stewing on it and not acting at all is an option. Poor little baby.

RhodaMorgenstern · 03/02/2010 21:44

I am not a parent so have no knowledge of weaning etc. but I am a human being and as such, would leap to catch a baby that was falling from anywhere without a moment's thought. Your friend should not be trusted to look after a house plant let alone a baby.

differentID · 03/02/2010 21:44

Does she have that revolting little "bible" by swmnbn?

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