a follow on thread- sorry but im very upset over this

[elmofan]

hi , i had a thread last week about my ds birthday trip with some of his friends to the cinema last Friday , one of the children invited was made take his dad along , very awkward but that's what happened , yesterday this child's mum rang me for a chat , its turns out this child has aspergers syndrome which i did not know of before , he has changed schools now so ds does not see him anymore , however she rang me to say that she thinks my son might also have Aspergers syndrome , she has told me that while helping out in my sons school last year (while her ds was in the school) she noticed that my son was very intelligent , & very interested in computers , just like her ds , she ask me what my ds's birth was like , what he was like as a baby & young child & did he ever have his tonsils out when i said yes he had his tonsils out when he was 6yrs old she said "oh now i am convinced he has Aspergers" (he's 11 now) she also knew that my son was tested for ADHD & ASD ETC when he was 6yrs old , i asked her how she knew this & she said there is a lot she would like to talk to me face to face about (i have never met her & the first time i ever spoke to her was last week to invite her ds along to the pictures)
WTF - i have not slept at all last night & am at her phoning me up like this . she wants my son to go over to her house for a play-date , there's no way i am comfortable with him going there as i think the only way she could have known about my sons testings is if she had seen his file in school , AIBU to be very upset that a stranger rang to tell me i need to have my son tested again - my son was already tested for all these conditions years ago & the results were all clear .
sorry this is so long

I'm very old, and from that generation where it was compulsory for every child to have their tonsils out. Okay I exaggerate, but only slightly. I'm still bitter and twisted - about promises of ice cream without telling us our throats would be too sore to enjoy it - but I don't have Aspergers. And I'm sure that the rate of Aspergers in my tonsil-free generation is no higher than it is now. That much of what she said is baloney. Your son is his own individual self. I'm sure that anyone intent on making diagnoses could find traits of something in all of us - most of it utter twaddle. Proper diagnoses are sought from professionals by caring parents when it is appropriate to do so.

The other things she said are a breach of your child's privacy. Complain to the school governors.

This is a parent who has a recently diagnosed son and who may have social communication issues herself - maybe you do need to be clear that you don't think your son has an ASD, but I think you also should be kind to her and her son who are clearly in need of some friendship.

thanks everyone for giving me all your advice , it has helped to calm me down , i suppose this really upset me as we have been there with my ds years ago now but he has matured so much since he was little now he is a lovely , bright, pleasant child , that when she phoned telling me all this i immediately felt panicked like before , i still think she was very wrong to phone me up like this & i am upset as to how she knew about ds testings etc but thinking about it more calmly now i feel maybe she is reaching out & hoping to find a child who might become good friends with her ds but she is just going about it all in the wrong way iykwim .

i agree
glad you have reached that conclusion.