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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that people think they have the right to tell me when i can have another child

58 replies

mum2b09 · 02/02/2010 22:39

I was 18 when i fell pregnant with my DD. The pregnancy wasnt planned as you may have guessed but i was possitive i was going to do my best for my child.

Me and my partner live in a lovely 3 bed house in a nice area and he works in immigration so has a pretty good job.

Im a SAHM and still breastfeeding my 11 month old DD so not planning a baby any time soon as i plan to continue feeding for aslong as were both happy to carry on..

But what really gets me is HVs and other people think they have the right to tell me i should try and get back into college, work ect and should not be thinking of having another baby.

I am only 20 so i know i have plenty of time to have more children and fully intend on enjoying my daughter before planning my second but AIBU to think no one has the right to tell me if and when i can have children?

And also y the hell should i work and have someone else bring my child up when i could be at home with her bringing her up they way i want her to be brought up?

Sorry little rant there

OP posts:
PiratePrincess · 02/02/2010 22:43

YANBU

but you know that anyway

NotAPollyanna · 02/02/2010 22:43

YANBU but be assured it doesn't matter what age you are people always think they have the right to tell you that you should/should not have another baby. It drives me beserk.

laweaselmys · 02/02/2010 22:45

Smile sweetly and ignore. You're right it is totally up to you.

However, it is not a bad idea to think about what you are going to do post SAHM-ness 'cos it is way easier to get some qualifications done with one than two!

I had DD when I was 21 and finished a qualification in my last week of work before I went on ML, I do feel better knowing that is there when I'm ready to go back. Although I'm also thinking about having another baby first.

laweaselmys · 02/02/2010 22:46

(DD is 10mths BTW)

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/02/2010 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CarrieDaBabi · 02/02/2010 23:01

yanbu

Original poster
mum2b09 · 02/02/2010 23:01

I have just about stopped getting phone calls from connexions as i was 19 and at the moment im not even considering college or work.

I agree on the post SAHMness haha i dont really know what ill do i cant even imagine having any time to think about me yet.

Hopefully ill be able to put my mind to good use when i decide to brush off the cobwebs but it is extremely irritating that people think they have an opinion on my uterus as you say.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 02/02/2010 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

14hourstillbedtime · 02/02/2010 23:16

I think if you guys can afford for you to be a SAHM, then you should go for it and have as many kids as you want, when you want! No one else's business.

(I'm a SAHM, too, btw, preg with toddler and DS is 2.5. I'm 32 and started having kids at 29 - I also think it's AWESOME you started when you were young enough to have the energy to keep up! Degrees and work can wait - kids have to fit in with our biology )

Just my two cents....

Original poster
mum2b09 · 02/02/2010 23:25

I totally agree with you 14hours. Although i would never have planned to bring a child into the world so unprepared i have been able to run round with her and enjoy every second. I dont know wether it would have been any different if i was older as im not there yet all i know is i have a beautiful healthy DD and im happier than iv ever been :D

OP posts:
CarrieDaBabi · 02/02/2010 23:29

mum2b, if anyone tried to get at you because of your age, you could use the you'll be around for longer to be there for your children/grandchildren card.
evil lol
although save that for anyone thats horribel to you

jellybeans · 02/02/2010 23:31

YANBU

Original poster
mum2b09 · 02/02/2010 23:34

Haha i will do ;) Im pretty tough skinned just get annoyed when people think they can dictate your life. I supose as a mother were always being criticised anyway i should just get used to it. I dont think young mums or older mums are any better than eachother and that it entirely depends on the person and her surrounding environment. I just wish people kept there noses out haha :D thankyou for listening to my little rant ladies

OP posts:
sungirltan · 02/02/2010 23:40

god how bloody patronising! yanbu - tell them to feck off!

CarrieDaBabi · 02/02/2010 23:41

well im your bog standard age, was 29 when i had my dd, ave age for 1st time mum back in 2007 i think
married and all that, but ihave had loads of annoying comments too.
its just people talking crap whoever you are whatever age you are and whatever you do,
some fucker wont like it

ItsGraceAgain · 02/02/2010 23:49

I hate the way everybody thinks they have the right to tell women how, when & where to have their babies; what they should & shouldn't be eating/drinking/smoking/doing/wearing while pregnant and how to feed, dress, nurse & care for their babies!!!! I HATE IT!
(but I'm always reasonable ...)

Making sure you know your options is one thing. Advice, in the appropriate circumstances, is another thing. But trampling all over a woman's boundaries, just because she's breeding is COMPLETELY out of order.

yanbu

PorphyrophillicPixie · 03/02/2010 00:04

I think you should go about as you are as you and your partner can support your child yourself quite obviously!

I'm 20 too and though I don't have a child I want kids desperately. Just waiting until I have a job, a place and a decent wage coming through (and for my partner to do the same of course ).

I'm extremely jealous of my friend who gets to be a SAHM because I know that I'll never be able to be one as we'd be living on one wage You sound as though you're in a similar situation, though she has a little boy and works for her own enjoyment and stimulation for 4-8 hours a week in a library

Take advantage of what you've got, enjoy it and fuck the rest politely tell them to get lost

Though I shall admit, if I got the chance to be a SAHM, I'd love to do a course

Pebblemum · 03/02/2010 00:07

No matter what you do with your life (or uterus) there will always people that dont approve and they will feel it is their duty to tell you their opinions too. Im 32, married with 4 children yet people still feel they can pass judgement on what I do. When I fell pregnant with no3 some people's reaction was 'OH NO' as if having 3 dcs was a bad thing. It was even worse with no4 but who cares what others think

Purplebuns · 03/02/2010 00:20

Hi Mum2b, I am 20, with a 8 month DD (unplanned), having her was the best thing to happen to me by far!

Although, I have to delay my plans for UNI and things like that.
Being a mother has given me a whole new set of options and direction in my life.

I will be training to be a breastfeeding peer supporter at easter, and with giving birth I have realised I would like to become a Midwife, once my children are older. I say Children as we are starting to 'try' again.

I think once you have children, young you realise the benefits, I for one relish the thought that I could have Grandchildren by 40, great-grandchildren by 60 and so on.

You have to make the most of your life and children are such a blessing!

Anyway sorry for the essay! All the best to you, children are not the END that so many people say they are!

Purplebuns · 03/02/2010 00:22

And of course YANBU!!

mrsboogie · 03/02/2010 00:23

Oh, you know they do it to everyone, when I had my (planned) DS 17 months ago (at age 40!) I was subjected to a very silly cross examination and lecture about not getting pregnant again. My other DS was 20 years old at the time! I asked did they not think that since I had managed the concept of contraception for 20 years did they not think I knew what I was doing?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 03/02/2010 00:24

YANBU. But we all get the unsolicited opinions... regardless of our age from lots of people (family/bloody HV/friends/feckin' work even).

I did the right thing: got a good degree and worked hard at my career. And now I'm having a nightmare getting back into work... despite not having left. And I'm not alone. Too many of my friends say the same thing. Makes no difference if you're 25 or 35.

Do want pleases you - at least you have the choice

Monty100 · 03/02/2010 00:26

YANBU! at your ability to know what you want and the opportunity and your resolve to be a full time mum.

You sound like a very switched on mum to me. Good luck.

There's plenty of time for books later. You are where you are right now.

Original poster
mum2b09 · 05/02/2010 13:11

thankyou for all your posts ladies. Its nice to hear some positive comments for once. I think i need to get out and meet some new people x

OP posts:
TottWriter · 05/02/2010 18:00

YANBU. I'm 22, and had my DS two weeks before my 21st. While I've been lucky to avoid the sarky comments about getting an education (which I declined first time round, though in hindsight A-Levels would be useful!), I do often feel extremely conscious about not having a 'career', particularly when I see what other people my age are up to.

Then I look at my DS (and my bump) and think: sod it, I'm happy. if people think they can tell you what you should be doing, more fool them. They aren't you, and they aren't qualified to tell you how to live. Only you can do that. Uni, long courses and high-profile careers aren't for everyone, and it's stupid of someone to try and promote that if you clearly don't want it.

Of course, you should never rule anything out, but you're quite capable of making descisions regarding your future without the constant advice of others. If you want to stay at home with your DC, then that's what you want to do, and you can think about the rest when you know that situation may change.