to be annoyed that people think they have the right to tell me when i can have another child

[mum2b09]

I was 18 when i fell pregnant with my DD. The pregnancy wasnt planned as you may have guessed but i was possitive i was going to do my best for my child.

Me and my partner live in a lovely 3 bed house in a nice area and he works in immigration so has a pretty good job.

Im a SAHM and still breastfeeding my 11 month old DD so not planning a baby any time soon as i plan to continue feeding for aslong as were both happy to carry on..

But what really gets me is HVs and other people think they have the right to tell me i should try and get back into college, work ect and should not be thinking of having another baby.

I am only 20 so i know i have plenty of time to have more children and fully intend on enjoying my daughter before planning my second but AIBU to think no one has the right to tell me if and when i can have children?

And also y the hell should i work and have someone else bring my child up when i could be at home with her bringing her up they way i want her to be brought up?

Sorry little rant there

oops, few missing words there, I blame the computer and not my sleepy head...nighty night everybody

I'm fed up of the "Contraception. CONTRACEPTION! CONTRACEPTION!!!!" being thrown in my face every single time. Surely after one unplanned pregnancy, I've worked out my mistakes?? Also annoyed with the "You're very young to be a mother, aren't you?" comments. Feck off. Well done, you've realised I'm below the average age to be having children. Do you want a medal with that soap box?

And breathe.

OP YANBU - of course its utterly up to you. I don't intend to have another child for a looooooooong time, but God forbid anyone telling me I shouldn't

Midwives and HV's should encourage teen mums to continue with their education or to start on a career path. Not everyone has parents that will do this and some good advice can go a long way.

You have barely had time in your relationship to get to know your partner before adding a child to the equation, very few relationships from that age last. As you have no qualifications to fall back on should you split or, god forbid, something happen to your partner how would you support your child?

Like Widowwoman, I too find it sad that your only ambition was to have a child, stay home and live off your partner. I would hope at 18, my DS is at uni, maybe travelling and choosing a job he will enjoy. This would apply if I had a daughter too.

As for your comment re "And also y the hell should i work and have someone else bring my child up when i could be at home with her bringing her up they way i want her to be brought up?" - childcare does not raise children and comments like that are not likely to make you many friends on a mums website. Many people use childcare so that they can financially provide for their children and provide a good role model for them.

Happymummy - surely the most important thing is that one is happy? Take out the age "issue" from this for a moment. If this had been someone five, ten, fifteen years older saying the same thing, would you be saying what you are?

There is plenty of time for education, you have to do it when it is right for you. Every moment with a child, especially when they are young, is so precious. If you have the oppotunity to stay at home and enjoy them, then why not?

I can't work. I couldn't before I was pregnant - I had to drop out of college for a second time, after finding even one A Level too difficult to balance with my illness. I want to go back to work, but I figure if I can't, in a lot of ways I am lucky, as I will not be under the pressure OP has spoken about. Just like other mums who are encouraged to go back to work before they feel ready.

YANBU.

You do realise that if you decide to have a baby and are under 25 or over 35 that this means that the entire population of the UK has a right to but their noses in. Also don't even consider having an age gap that doesn't fall between 2-2.5 years because the child will be not grow up to be a well rounded individual.

Once you become a parent you have to accept that everyone has a right to give unsolicited advice, well it feels like that anyway!

Nelly, yes I absolutely agree with what you say, but my point is that one should be allowed to make their own decisions. I did say to OP that there's plenty of time for books later lol. But again, I concur with what you say in so much as it does get harder as you get older to study! .

[smile}

YANBU.

I had my ds at 18, and stayed at home as I wished, working a few hours part time until he went to school.

I am now 29 and haven't worked since having dd a couple of years ago but I am studying for a degree and although it's tough sometimes fitting everything in, it really isn't that difficult most of the time. I have taken the time to do what I really want to do rather than just making do in the 'career' I was in before. Money has never been an issue for us either, and dh and I are in a partnership where we work together for our family, whether it's in the home or outside.

I do think though when the time is right for you, you should take steps to ensure that financially you can stand on your own two feet. However, I knew that time for me wasn't when ds was very small, and that should be your decision to make, not the Health Visitor's.

As for the assumptions made by some on here about how long the op's relationship will last, how patronising Dh and I have been together since I was 16 and married for 9 years this year and are as strong as ever.

Good luck to you, wouldn't the world be dull if we all lived identical lives, and your age really won't matter to other people in a few years.

Bonsoir - that she has a stable relationship is irrelevant in my opinion. The reason why people give her the advice they give her is that she is so very very young.