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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think in-laws should offer to buy something for new baby?

93 replies

hotcupoftea · 02/02/2010 13:08

My in-laws are very very well off. It's absolutely none of my business how they spend their pots of cash but I can't help thinking it's very odd that they haven't offered to buy anything for the birth of their grandchild (I'm 34 weeks).

My parents and sisters have been very generous and have all chipped in to help towards buying a cot and pram. Even my grandparents have bought some things for the baby and they have less money than my in-laws.

I absolutely do not expect anyone to buy anything for this baby- it's up to me and DH to do that. I just can't help thinking its odd that my husbands parents have no interest in buying something for what will be their first grandchild in the family. I wondered at first if it just hadn't occurred to them to buy anything but they've been to my house and they've seen everything other people have bought and asked who bought what etc.

They are known for being mean and tight. DH got a £5 voucher for christmas and his sister an oven glove and apron .

Just to reiterate, it's not because they're struggling financially, they often boast how they have a million in the bank .

If my son or daughter was having a baby I would do everything I could to help out and would want to be involved in buying things for the new baby, I just don't understand them.

OP posts:

hormonalmum · 02/02/2010 15:01

Maybe they are collecting things now to give when lo is born?
Maybe they are waiting to see what sex it is?
Maybe they are going to give you some money when lo is born for you to buy something you need?
Maybe they just won't bother?

Just wait and see

crazycrazy · 02/02/2010 15:09

I think the OP is getting a very hard time which isn't warranted, and to call her a loon is just nasty

For those of you claiming that she shouldn't be moaning because her thread is insignificant compared to Haiti - why aren't you out collecting rather than posting on silly threads you think are pointless? I've seen threads about which type of flour to use in muffins, and about who should have won CBB, why don't you get yourself on there and tell them to worry about Haiti instead

pagwatch · 02/02/2010 15:15

FWIW I never have and never would buy gifts for a child not yet born. Neither would my mother or any of my sisters.
Family history combined with bad karma type issues

Casmama · 02/02/2010 15:53

Wow you are getting a lot of stick here. I think it is perfectly natural to want your inlaws to be excited about the new baby and asking if there is something special that you can buy is one way of showing this. As you mentioned a sleep suit or something I think it is unreasonable for people to say you are money grabbing. Whilst I may be giving you too much credit I think you only mentioned their financial situation so that people didn't jump down your throat and say maybe they can't afford anything.
I agree with the superstition thing though they maybe waiting till after the baby is born. Time will tell. There is not anything you can do about it but try not to be hurt by there lack of interest - it says more about them than you. Good luck with the baby.

StrictlyKatty · 02/02/2010 16:27

I don't think it's odd at all not to be given anything before the baby arrives.

I never buy presents before there is a baby. MIL works with a women who's DD was having her first baby, everything was perfect, baby born fine.... died an hour later. Totally out of the blue.

Some people don't want to tempt fate by going crazy before a baby is born.

Coldhands · 02/02/2010 16:37

I haven't read all the posts but YANBU, which from the ones I have seen, is against what most think. I think it is a shame that people have the attitude that they have done their child rearing, so they have sod all involvement with their DGCs. I know that if I am in a position to, I will love to help out my children when they are adults in any way I can.

I totally agree with you. Its the people with the money that want to help and the ones who don't have so much can't do enough. My nan bought us our lovely cot and matress, my MIL bought a bath even though they have more than my nan. And they haven't offered to have DS in nearly a year, they don't really do anything much for him, but say "oh we haven't seen xxxxxx for ages" They know I am at home all day, as is MIL. And I know its not because we don't ask, you have to be invited/asked by them. I've given up thinking they are going to be that involved. I just concentrate more on the family that do make an effort.

EldonAve · 02/02/2010 16:41

YABU

mrsshackleton · 02/02/2010 16:54

The OP deserves a hard time

Some people aren't demonstative, some people don't see why they should prove their love through gifts

I am sure they are planning a lovely gift and I hope the OP will be

princessparty · 02/02/2010 16:59

Lots of people think buying things for a baby before it arrives is 'tempting fate'.My SIL was like this and had absolutely zilch for the baby when it arrived.Not even a nappy or a babygro.She had to use hospital stuff til my DB could nip out and get a few things.

displayuntilbestbefore · 02/02/2010 17:13

Anyone who starts a thread with
"My in-laws are very very well off" deserves a bit of stick IMO.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 02/02/2010 17:15

Yabu. And dont expect anything either. They are minted because they dont spend their money on other people.

lovechoc · 02/02/2010 17:23

I would say be patient and wait til your baby is born and THEN you'll probably find that they'll buy the baby some gift or offer money for whatever is needed to help out with the baby. Please don't get upset over this.

It is considered bad luck to buy before the baby arrives (or so some people believe this) so this may have an influence on why you haven't received anything yet.

gorionine · 02/02/2010 17:25

I do not really think OP has been given a hard time, she just had a lot of people desagreeing with her, different to being given a hard time IMHO.

lovechoc · 02/02/2010 17:26

I remember not buying much until the 11th hour really with my first DC because I didn't really want to 'tempt fate' - very cynical in nature. I am one of these people that cannot understand those who rush out to buy everything just after the 12 week scan. Everyone's different!

Jux · 02/02/2010 17:55

My ILs are rolling in it too. Very similar situation when dd was born (first grandchild too). MIL came round asap and every day after that for over a week, poring over presents, knitting, everything, asking who paid for what etc (who PAID FOR what, notice, not who GAVE what). Eventually asked me what I would like or need for dd. I asked her for a sunhat.

Four weeks later she gave me a badly knitted duck which she'd picked up at the church jumble sale that morning. It was filthy too

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/02/2010 18:48

YABU and very grasping. You chose to have a child and so should bear the financial cost. You claim you dont expect a present but then why start the thread and mention they have plenty of money?

If they have the attitude that adults should support themselves then they will probably buy the baby a token gift after the birth in line with their values.

tiredfeet · 02/02/2010 19:23

all I bought dsis before her baby was born was a very cheap and jokey t-shirt for the baby, it felt like jinxing things to buy anything else, and also I wanted to know what she actually needed. didn't mean I wasn't interested etc etc. Also given she was getting the wonderful gift of a baby, she really didn't want or expect presents ( she was most delighted by people's generosity)

you are so lucky to be having a child and YABU

tiredfeet · 02/02/2010 19:25

sorry forgot to say, I did get her presents after baby was born, and will at birthdays etc, but it just felt nicer to wait until he was born, and plus he will need more stuff as he gets older than he does as a tiny baby

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