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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for my money from this child?

70 replies

missismac · 01/02/2010 16:45

Background:

Daughter age 14 wanted to take her group of friends Iceskating for her birthday. Her group is big - 14 girls altogether. I said that I would buy the tickets in a block to ensure they all got in at the time she wanted (restricted places), but that her friends had to pay for their own tickets. We would then treat them all to a birthday chinese takeaway & a dvd when they got back to our house. I checked this with as many parents of the girls as I knew & all agreed this was completely acceptable.

All went well except for one girl who didn't pay. She's from a fairly well off family. Transferred to our comp from local independent school last Sept. In general she's been quite extravagant with gifts etc since joining the school. & seems to have quite a cavalier attitude with money.

Finally today, 10 days after the event, & after me nagging daughter (which I didn't feel good about) for a week. The girl gave my daughter the money. But only part of it. The cost was £11.50 per person, she gave my girl £10.

So, do I shrug my shoulders & go "ach, it's £1.50 - let it go". or do I stand by the principle? I'm quite hacked off at this girl, & don't see why she should get her ticket cheaper than everyone else, subsidised by me. Equally I don't want to put my girl through the embarrassment of having to nag (and she will have to) her classmate for £1.50.

Advice please wise ones - what would you do?

OP posts:
WhoIsAsking · 01/02/2010 16:47

Leave it alone.

Is it worth making your daughter feel uncomfortable for the sake of £1.50?

meemar · 01/02/2010 16:47

i would let it go

Mutt · 01/02/2010 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedCoffee · 01/02/2010 16:47

I'd leave it tbh, not worth your dd having the embarrasment of having to keep asking for it.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 01/02/2010 16:48

I would write the £1.50 off to be honest. It will just embarrass your daughter.

littledawley · 01/02/2010 16:48

I understand where you are coming from but as it's your DD that will have to do the nagging, I would be inclined to let it go. It sounds like the girl has no concept of the value of money, you are not going to be able to change her. Just don't invite her again.

Brioche · 01/02/2010 16:48

goodness let it go.SO Not something to get your knickers in a twist over

littledawley · 01/02/2010 16:48

Lots of cross posts!!

Irishchic · 01/02/2010 16:48

YABU. Don't embarrass your daughter any further and let it go.

electra · 01/02/2010 16:49

I would leave it. But rather than asking your daughter to do the nagging, what I would have done would be to ring the girl's parents - especially as you had agreed this arrangement with the parents in the first place.

annh · 01/02/2010 16:49

I would leave it and chalk it up to experience. If I was going to see the girl myself I would be tempted to ask but I feel it will be difficult for your daughter to ask for the rest of the money, particularly as she didn't do so at the time. To go back afterwards will seem petty. However, I would make quite sure that neither you/your daugter ever loans money to this girl or subsidises any of her activities again.

kinnies · 01/02/2010 16:50

Let it go.

woodyandbuzz · 01/02/2010 16:52

I would let it go. It will be embarassing for your DD to have to ask this girl for money again. Even more embarassing as it's only £1.50. I do think the girl and possibly her parents are totally in the wrong, but seeing as you are not materially out of pocket, pursuing this cannot solve anything - it could cause problems though.

As an aside, if she has moved from an independent school, it's likely to be because the fees can no longer be paid. This implies that her parents may have some financial difficulties - she may still have a cavalier attitude to money because she may have been shielded from the full extent of the problems.

skybluewinking · 01/02/2010 16:52

Understand your point, and it is irritating. However I doubt her parents are 'cavalier' with money as they have just had to pull her out of independant school. They may well have given her the full amount and she has spent some?
She also may well be going through a very difficult time, not belonging at her old school, maybe being teased for being the 'posh' girl?
I really think that though it rankles, you should let it go.

Pineapplechunks · 01/02/2010 16:54

That would irk me too(quite a bit) but I agree all other posters in that you should let it go, it's not worth giving DD the hassle.

Maybe next time go direct to the parents with an invite and an RSVP stating the cash required? Bit pushy maybe but will avoid a repeat performance.

stressheaderic · 01/02/2010 16:54

Afraid I'd probably let it go, so as not to put any more pressure on DD, but would be pissed off all the same.
It's those that have a lot who are usually the tight-arse bastards, and the two things are not unrelated.

YANBU - Doesn't matter if it's £1.50 or £101.50, it's the principle.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2010 16:56

I would let it go. You don;t have to go to school with this girl, your daughter does, and this could get awkward for her.

Annoying but not worth kicking up a fusso ver.

Blanchet · 01/02/2010 16:57

Could it maybe be that she only had a £10 note on her and your dd said "Oh, don't worry about the rest" - because after you reminding her to ask for the money all week she thought it would be better to bring home most of it than an IOU? And now maybe your dd doesn't want to admit this to you?

OK probably not, but maybe a possibility, I don't know? I know at that age I had a tendency to try and "buy" friendship by being over-generous, even when I had no right to be!

Veritythebrave · 01/02/2010 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvengingGerbil · 01/02/2010 17:01

Verity - £160.50 just for tickets then Chinese dinner for fourteen? Not the same as a couple of quid for soft play is it?

electra · 01/02/2010 17:07

Couple of quid for soft play?? Where I live it's about £10 a head!

Mutt · 01/02/2010 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 01/02/2010 17:10

I would let it go.
Are you sure she knew she had to pay?

It is unusual to pay.

Hulababy · 01/02/2010 17:11

I'd let it go.

gingernutlover · 01/02/2010 17:11

i would chalk it up to experience this time, but if you plan to do this again i would ask all the girls to pay up front for their tickets, or to supply a cheque from their parents. Do this before you book the tickets.