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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband doesnt get jealous..ATALL, no matter what I do??

55 replies

LadyVolupta · 31/01/2010 19:21

Ok, my husband Is a very laid back guy most of the time unless it involves me spending money, its the only time he gets angry,!!....I know I really shouldnt complain, ...but When we go out for a few drinks, I always get rather drunk, and I tend to 'flirt' I suppose, I dont know at the time what Im doing, but I know I am overly friendly with people, (men), My husband is always with me and see's me dancing with other blokes, but is completely unfased by it, ..he will simply tell me the next day that I was dancing with someone, and laughs??...Ive been with him for 6 years, we have two kids,..basically I cant beieve he isnt bothered that Im practacally hanging off other mens necks sometimes when Im plastered, He tells me that he knows that I wouldnt cheat on him and that Im just drunk and being silly?? (basically I never act provocatively, more like a person that has just been let out in the first time in years (close to the truth))....all my friends blokes would react in the complete opposite...Im confused??...He is always very very frienly with women, and has a very good way with them, being a son of a mother with a womans clothing shop which he was brought up on) am I being paranoind to think he is letting me be like this because he has a guilty conscience??...Or Am I just very very lucky to have such a cool bloke??....he works away btw home for a few days a week??

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 31/01/2010 19:23

Um, yabu.

He trusts you.

This is a desirable quality in a partner.

rubyslippers · 31/01/2010 19:23

why are you behaving like that?

sounds like you are trying to provoke a reaction from him

i think you are the one with an issue and you need to discover why you need to behave like this i.e getting drunk and flirtatious

OrmRenewed · 31/01/2010 19:26

Why would you try to make him jealous? Do you really want some chest-beating gorilla type bloke ? Why don't you just ask him if it bothers you so much.

DH always tells me that his friends think I'm too good for him and that I'd find someone else very easily if I was free, but he's not jealous at all. Thank god.

PiratePrincess · 31/01/2010 19:29

"am I being paranoind to think he is letting me be like this because he has a guilty conscience??"

No - if he had a guilty conscience he would think you were cheating.

Sounds like he just thinks you're having fun and isn't concerned.

Original poster
LadyVolupta · 31/01/2010 19:32

Honestly its not something i do deliberately, I sometimes get rather more than merry,( i have a small build so it doesnt take me alot to get jolly) and dance with someone of the opposite sex, like I said not in a provocative way, more stupid if anything,..I am not doing it to provoke him at all!

OP posts:
diddl · 31/01/2010 19:33

Perhaps he thinks you´re making a fool of yourself and hasn´t the heart to tell you outright.

kinnies · 31/01/2010 19:34

Try to make sure you are not acting like a loon and making a fool out of yourself!

Hanging off men is soooooooooo not a gool look

minxofmancunia · 31/01/2010 19:34

yabu, I'm not remotely jealous of my dh, it's just not an emotion that would occur to me because despite him being really friendly and spending time with other women it I totally trust him. I probably would be upset if he was "hanging off womens necks though", not out of jealousy but I would think it showed a distinct lack of respect for me.

I think you need to ask yourself why you're behaving like that, it sounds like you're insecure.

DaddyJ · 31/01/2010 19:34

I can relate to your dh. I don't do jealousy either, on the contrary, it's glorious to see dw out there socialising and enjoying herself.

I know she's a good girl and I am a good boy, and that's really all there is to it.

In the past, I have had girlfriends, though, who like yourself were really alarmed at my attitude and thought it meant that I didn't really care about them.

MorrisZapp · 31/01/2010 19:35

Actually I know just what you mean. My DP is almost inhumanly laid back and reasonable.

I remember one time I was on a boozy night out far from home, and rang my DP to tell him that it was ok, Martin from work was going to see me back to my hotel, and also he wanted to see inside the hotel as it was architecturally interesting. 'Martin' is sexy bloke that DP knows I really like and admire, in a friendly way obviously.

Dp was like oh that's great, say hi to Martin for me, have fun.

It wasn't until afterwards that I thought that if I had had a similar call from him regarding sexy Sarah and a late night drunken sight seeing tour to his hotel I'd have been a bit peeved to say the least!!!

I love that my DP isn't the jealous type - been there, never again thanks. But I dunno, sometimes I feel it's almost as if it doesn't cross his mind that other men might find me attractive or something. Probably being wildly unreasonable, of course.

Original poster
LadyVolupta · 31/01/2010 19:36

HAhahaha...yes diddl that is very possible!!...No I dont want to make him jealous, ive had jealous partners in the past, and Im really not used to it I guess

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 31/01/2010 19:37

But morris - maybe it's not that he doesn't think other men would find you attractive, it's that he trusts you not to act on it. That is good, no?

butadream · 31/01/2010 19:38

He sounds like a good guy and there is nothing to suggest you have any reason to be jealous.

But you sound like you might get yourself into trouble though as do the guys you throw yourself at when drunk understand that you don't mean anything by it? It's not a good idea, honestly, you might acquire a stalker or worse.

Or have you just exaggerated your behaviour in OP for the sake of illustrating how chilled out your DH is?

diddl · 31/01/2010 19:42

But also,if you go out together and he leaves with you, what is thereto be jealous about?

Do you go out without him?

Original poster
LadyVolupta · 31/01/2010 19:43

we live in a small town, we have a local, and it gets to that point of the night where everybody gets up to dance..I always go out out with my husband, my husband was brought up on a hippy commune, I think this might have something to with it??

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 31/01/2010 19:47

Oh absolutely Orm, and it works both ways. He told me at great length about the brothel he was in whilst on holiday, all very Alan Whicker, while I treated it as an interesting travelogue

But it's like the real men drive cars thing - irrationally, once in a while I'd like him to notice other people noticing me, iyswim. I notice women noticing him all the time.

diddl · 31/01/2010 19:48

Well then if he is always with you how can he be jealous?

He knows what you are doing,but at the end of the night it is him that you leave with.

heQet · 31/01/2010 19:58

It's nice that he feels so secure and confident of your love for him that he doesn't feel threatened and can see that you are just having fun.

Nancy66 · 31/01/2010 20:04

You absolutely do NOT want a jealous partner, believe me.

Had one of those years ago. Got to the stage where I couldn't nip out for a pint of milk without being accused of shagging the corner shop owner.

Laid back is so much nicer.

mistletoekisses · 31/01/2010 20:10

YABVU

You are with someone who obviously trusts you and is a secure and confident individual within himself. Why would you want him to be jealous???? Jealousy is not an attractive trait, nor IMO is it a sign of how much someone loves/ wants you.

You go out, you have a good time. But you come home to him. And that is what matters.

Mumcentreplus · 31/01/2010 20:57

I dont think the OP is saying she wants some crazy jealous nutter as a DH..

My DH is not jealous at all..if we are out he would never get upset if I danced with a guy or chatted to someone or even got chatted up!..he appreciates my attractiveness and thinks only men with low self esteem or real issues who act like jealous arses...but he does say I'm a flirt (I vehmently deny this..I'm just a friendly person )..and after a good night out or some such he will laugh and say 'I'm watching you woman!'

nighbynight · 31/01/2010 21:04

Either he trusts her, or he doesnt care.
Jealous is bad, very bad, but I am not sure I would want someone who wasnt bothered if I was hanging around another man's neck either.

cherryfudgecake · 31/01/2010 21:15

No..i dont really hang around other mens necks but I suppose I dance like a dick basically when im drunk, oh god, Yes, I can see now I am definately with an awesome guy ... Im simply not used to it, my mates have protective blokes...its not normal here...thanks tho.

mayorquimby · 31/01/2010 21:16

stop acting like a twat and flirting with other men then you won't have to worry about him not getting mad when you do it because it won't be happening anymore.

MumtoEliane · 31/01/2010 21:16

Jealousy is very linked to insecurity. Someone insecure thinks "I am not good enough for her, she will find someone better" and this leads ot jealousy. They don't think to much of themselves, they think you don't think too much f them either.

When someone is not jealous means, they don't worry about being left for someone else, they really believe you love them.

If you look this way to someone you know its jealous you'll realise its true...