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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have dumped this guy?

59 replies

solongiwonderiftheychangedit · 31/01/2010 16:33

Seeing this guy for a while. He was ok just a few iffy things that bugged me. After we became er, intimate. He would not cuddle me or touch me because he was "too hot" and didn't like to touch me until I was "cleaned up". I eventually became quite upset by this and showed it, he said that I was overreacting and really could not see the problem. Actually ended up making me feel as though I was being totally high maintenance and it is still bothering me and I am wondering if I was and it is only a small thing that I shouldn't get worked up about.

Have name changed as embarassed. Actually would like some opinions on this and some ideas as to what kind of fuckwittedness that is, psychologically I mean.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/01/2010 16:36

Oh, you are definitely NBU.

Why on Earth would you want to be with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable about yourself?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/01/2010 16:37

YANBU. Sweaty cuddles after sex are compulsory.

chocolatespiders · 31/01/2010 16:41

I would hate that... I have had it before also he went straight to the bathroom to wash!!!! I hated it because it made me feel so rejected...

thesecondcoming · 31/01/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeschylus · 31/01/2010 16:55

His actions are classic "watch to much porn" syndrome I reckon...

Lets be honest A. why is he not wearing a condom? esp as you have only just met him!

B. afterwards is messy, no getting away from it, but he needs to show you more respect, but he has gone know move on, and forget about him

Original poster
solongiwonderiftheychangedit · 31/01/2010 17:03

No it was other body fluids, not sweat, we had been seeing each other for a while and knew him for a long time before doing the deed. It was the other fluids he had the problem with .

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/01/2010 17:17

He didn't like the sight/feel/smell of his own, er, fluids? Or just when they were mixed with yours?

You're well shot, I reckon he has ishooos.

Original poster
solongiwonderiftheychangedit · 31/01/2010 17:20

Just his own. I think it was more about a feeling of not liking me though after we were finished. That was the sense I got. Are there many men like this out there. I am quite apprehensive about the dating game now.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/01/2010 17:25

'Are there many men like this out there.'

Not in my experience (and it's um, varied and thorough).

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/01/2010 17:26

No, most men aren't like that. Most men like the cuddles and stuff too, and aren't remotely bothered by their ejaculate. Plenty of men like it. And plenty of men like women, too. You'll find a better one.

thesecondcoming · 31/01/2010 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
solongiwonderiftheychangedit · 31/01/2010 17:37

thesecondcoming rofl, you just made me choke on my chocolate cookie I was eating. No, I most certainly do not do that!

He actually said and I am dying inside telling you this "once it has left me, it is up to you to clean it up, I can't stand it!".

OP posts:
dittany · 31/01/2010 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 31/01/2010 17:43

You should be dying of laughter - what a childish twat. It's his semen, not yours. Can you imagine this man wiht children? How could he ever deal with the pee, poo, snot, dribble, vomit and other mess that comes with kids if he can't even deal with his own fluids?

piratecat · 31/01/2010 17:45

@ 'when it has left me...'

sorry but i think thie HAS to be quote of the week!!!!

op, sorry you had this exp. you are well rid.

Chulita · 31/01/2010 17:45

Eek!! Run, run, run! What a fruit loop YAsototallyNBU, nothing to do with you at all, he's very weird. Most men are proud of their spunk.

dittany · 31/01/2010 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
solongiwonderiftheychangedit · 31/01/2010 17:53

I think my radar is not working as it should because you all seem so shocked by this and I actually had to question whether I was overreacting or not. In my defence I have been off the scene for a long time and my ex was a knob.

I think that the next time I go out with anyone I should start a thread from Day One and be guided through the whole thing by MN.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/01/2010 17:54

Nice to find myself agreeing with ditanny.

solongiwonderiftheychange... that's a good idea.

thesecondcoming · 31/01/2010 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pingviner · 31/01/2010 18:39

totally agree with dittany, its a horrible misogynstic trait, probably tied up with disgust at his own body and needs but he projects it onto you, you are seen as a receptacle for some function- like a spittoon or toilet or something? What was he like in terms of attitiude to you/other females where sex wasnt concerned?

So glad you are rid of him!

Original poster
solongiwonderiftheychangedit · 31/01/2010 18:48

I told him that I believed in feminism and that seemed to make him really angry and unsettled. The impression I got was that you have to a very highly achieving woman to be worthy of his respect.

He did tell me that when he wasn't in relationships and he had a one night stand, after the deed was done he would use any excuse to get out of there as he felt quite disgusted at being in that situation.

Of his ex wife after leaving her, ended with a phone call btw, he said there is no point in talking to her as she still won't admit her issues. She was apparently 100% to blame for the split.

I think I had a lucky escape actually.

OP posts:
Numberfour · 31/01/2010 18:55

yuck yuck yuck . he sounds HORRIBLE!!

yip, lucky escape!! good for you!

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 19:19

LMAO at Expatin. Quality

YANBU. I don't know why men are weird about their own fluids but I've never known it go as far as to not like a woman after sex. Strange man and good riddence to shite rubbish.

pingviner · 31/01/2010 19:41

shudder... you are well rid!
He sounds like a vile, inadequate little excuse for a human: I kind of thought you would post something like that - he doesnt see women as fully human or worthy of any respect. Hes sexually attracted to them but feels this urge and attraction demeans him somehow? - so after hes had his fun he rejects both them and that part of himself?

Did he portray himself as an intellectual type? Im just being nosey here, its all theoretical but you did ask for speculative psychology...

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