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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate seeing twins dressed the same...

56 replies

Abubu · 29/01/2010 12:00

Hi,

My identical girls are 2.5.
I have always tried to dress them differently. Even though it seems much more common for twins to be dressed the same I personally really don't like it. To be honest it kind of makes me cringe. It's just so "ooh look at us - we're twins aren't we cute"

I really want them to find their own likes and dislikes and be individuals instead of growing up always having to have the same clothes on the same day etc....

Having said that their clothes need to be co-ordinating or they will get upset i.e. I cant dress one in a dress and the other in trousers..and they seem to be getting more fussy and I am starting to feel guilty if they both prefer one thing I have bought over another....so worried I am going to end up in the identical dressing trap because of guilt.

I would be embarrased walking down the street with them dressed top to toe in the same outfit but other twin parents seem to revel in the "cutesy" factor of it?!

I don't get it.

OP posts:
LetThereBeRock · 29/01/2010 12:03

I'd imagine that some are dressed in the same outfit because a major tantrum and tears will ensue if they aren't.

ImSoNotTelling · 29/01/2010 12:04

It does look a bit odd BUT i wonder if it is easier for mum just to have 2 sets of everything and do it at the same time.

Some adult identical twins choose to be identical as well in terms of hairstyles and clothes etc which is something that's always interesting to see. There are a pair of very elderly old ladies near me who are always exactly teh same down to the jewellery and shoes etc.

LetThereBeRock · 29/01/2010 12:05

I see you addressed that issue.

I do agree with you re treating them as individuals but I think it's still possible to remain an individual even if wearing the same clothes as your twin.

l39 · 29/01/2010 12:07

You have a right to your opinion.

My identical girls are 9. They were often dressed the same, or in different colours of the same outfit. They are in different classes at school now and seem to have the benefits of a very close relationship while also being fine apart.

People smile when they see identical twins. I was glad to brighten strangers' day a bit.

nickelbabe · 29/01/2010 12:08

it is weird from a money POV to have to buy twice the stuff.
but the same outfit in a different colour is fine.

although, my mum used to make our clothes and we always ended up having to wear the same, especially bathing costumes. we weren't twins even! we span 5 years between the 3 of us.
f course it meant that if i outgrew something o liked, i could wear my big sister's!

that's OT though.

it can look cute, but if you don't want to, then don't. bear in mind that when they're wearign school uniform they'll be wearing exactly the same!

megapixels · 29/01/2010 12:11

YANBU to hate seeing it. YABU to be getting so upset about it. It's hardly abuse is it?

bellabelly · 29/01/2010 12:11

It's fine if you find an item of clothing that you like and it's affordable AND available in different colours. If it isn't in lots of different colours, I don't waste time hunting for something different, I just buy two the same. My twins look completely different from one another so maybe I'm less hung up on trying to give them separate identities?

Sassybeast · 29/01/2010 12:13

So you'll be insisting that they have different school uniforms then ?

Soapsy · 29/01/2010 12:14

Don't think I'd go so far as to say unreasonable. You just have a different set of preferences to others. Neither is right or wrong. As you've pointed out, yours are starting to want to dress the same anyway. Maybe other parents find it the path of least resistance. My son often wants to wear the same as me or my husband (rugby top, boots, jeans the same colour, whatever it might be to look as near to whichever of us as possible). I don't much like having a mini-me following me round, but it keeps him happy.

littleducks · 29/01/2010 12:14

I dont have twins but quitelike my (admitedly young) children to be dresed the same/co-ordinating/same but if different colour item sometimes, they love it and saves tantrums......and i have a boy and a girl

Tigurr · 29/01/2010 12:22

One of my friends has identical twin girls and whilst they are always dressed "similarly" they're rarely, if ever, "identically" dressed. If one of them is wearing a white dress with pink dots, the other will be wearing a pink dress with white dots. I don't think the mum buys 2 of everything, she just buys things that complement each other. Plus because the girls are 3.5, they tend to accessorise their outfits with tiaras, tutus, fairy-wings and (in the middle of summer) wellies LOL.

I think it just comes down to personal preference - I can see how it would be easier to just have 2 of everything and dress them the same

HappyMummyOfOne · 29/01/2010 12:27

Personal preference I suppose but not something I like either, whether it be twins or siblings. Also hate the posed photos with matching outfits.

Fine if they choose the same outfit but unfair if they hate being dressed the same or are not allowed to choose for themselves.

Turniphead1 · 29/01/2010 12:28

From a practical point of view I wonder how parents of twins manage it (ie some days my kids can wear the same thing from the day before, but I wouldnt count on both of them having a "clean day" - and I can barely manage to keep matching socks for my 3 DC never mind always have double of the same outfit to hand...)

Knowing how much work it is to have twins I have great respect to someone who does this logistically.

Squitten · 29/01/2010 12:33

I don't have twins myself but there is a set of triplets in my area, about 3 years old. They are all boys and look identical (to me!), which is further reinforced by their identical hair cuts and identical outfits. It does look a bit odd but maybe the oddness is multiplied because there are three of them!

moomaa · 29/01/2010 12:43

I think it does look cute. I sometimes dress DS and DD the same and people wither comment that it is lovley or give me weirdo looks. Unfortunately people usually think DD is a boy when I do it though. Even though she has pink shoes.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 29/01/2010 12:48

littleducks - mine too, they are a year apart, boy and girl but love dressing similarly.

I must admit though, I was mortified recently when I went out to meet friends - took off our coats and realised both me and DD were in boots, tights and a knitted dress, and DS was in boots, jeans and a jumper the exact same colour and knit as mine and dD's dresses. haha.

I obviously hadn't been paying much attention that morning.

CillySunt · 29/01/2010 12:48

Each to their own.

manfrom · 29/01/2010 12:50

as a parent of twins you do tend to be given two of everything as presents - so you just kind of put it on. No real thought behind it at all.

Soapsy · 29/01/2010 12:52

Just remembered I was talking to someone last night who has a friend with 5 girls (1 single, 2 sets of twins) all under about 5 years old. She dresses them all the same whenever they go out, as it makes it easier to be able to spot them all, track where they are. And she can can quickly say to someone 'have you seen another one dressed like this' if one momentarily gets out of sight!

Firawla · 29/01/2010 12:52

yanbu, it does look cute and i don't think it does the children any psychological damage or anything. obv when they get a bit older if they do not like it and say so, then you don't force them.
i have a twin we used to dress the same sometimes, not always. it was not really a big issue, i didn't care whether the same or not? we did the same but dif colours thing quite a bit though, to help people tell us apart. i was the blue/purple one & my sis was red/pink.
i have some matching things for my 2ds (not twins, 18 months dif) i think it looks cute

jellybeans · 29/01/2010 12:55

YABU I dressed my twins how I wanted to (sometimes same, sometimes not) and would not comment on how you/others dressed your kids so why would people comment on mine. People I know often put non twin sibs in matching, does that bother you? Kids wear the same at school anyhow.

squirrel42 · 29/01/2010 12:56

I'm a twin and when we were small my sister and I were often wither dressed the same or in the same type of outfit but a different colour. Later when we were old enough to express a preference sometimes we chose to look similar, sometimes we chose to look different. By the time we were adults I was six inches taller and a bigger build than her (we're non-identical as you may guess), so we don't even always suit the same clothes any more!

poorbuthappy · 29/01/2010 12:57

I always said that I wouldn't dress my twin girls the same...and now I do.

Simply because I find it easier to dress them in the mornings cos I have to decide on 1 outfit rather than 2 (and of course I have to dress myself and also dd1...and dh if he's having a bad day! )

They are 14 months old now, and as soon as they get to the point to have an opinion on what they are wearing I will let them get on with it!

And do people really think that just because they are dressed the same it will somehow stunt their individuality??

drinkmoretea · 29/01/2010 13:08

Yanbu! I find it odd too, never once thought about dressing my DT boys the same, they are two different people, not one!

I really don't get it?! And people comparing to school, well that's completely different, it's a uniform that everyone in the school will be wearing, the same as if you had a uniform at work!!

And I think saying it's easier is just a cop out, how difficult is it to dress kids in the morning???

poorbuthappy · 29/01/2010 13:13

Yes you're right...I do it because I'm lazy...