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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate seeing twins dressed the same...

56 replies

Abubu · 29/01/2010 12:00

Hi,

My identical girls are 2.5.
I have always tried to dress them differently. Even though it seems much more common for twins to be dressed the same I personally really don't like it. To be honest it kind of makes me cringe. It's just so "ooh look at us - we're twins aren't we cute"

I really want them to find their own likes and dislikes and be individuals instead of growing up always having to have the same clothes on the same day etc....

Having said that their clothes need to be co-ordinating or they will get upset i.e. I cant dress one in a dress and the other in trousers..and they seem to be getting more fussy and I am starting to feel guilty if they both prefer one thing I have bought over another....so worried I am going to end up in the identical dressing trap because of guilt.

I would be embarrased walking down the street with them dressed top to toe in the same outfit but other twin parents seem to revel in the "cutesy" factor of it?!

I don't get it.

OP posts:
brook1 · 29/01/2010 13:15

I have twins, and to be honest, when I'm shopping for clothes I pick something I like and cant always find something else I like so I get 2 the same.

Now that they are getting older (7) if I buy 2 different outfits I can almost guarantee they will both want the same one so I will have to take it back and swap it. However, sometimes they do like to be different. I tend to let them choose now, and sometimes they choose the same, sometimes different.

What does it matter really.

Sassybeast · 29/01/2010 13:20

Drinkmoretea - if you argue that dressing children the same stifles their individuality (as the OP has suggested) then of course it's logical to apply that to school uniforms as well. Given that school aged children spend a significant proportion of their lives in school uniform, wearing school uniform stifles their individuality.

If however you don't believe that what they are dressed in has any impact on their individuality, then the uniform premis doesn't apply.

pooexplosions · 29/01/2010 13:25

I can't imagine why you would think clothes have any impact on your individuality at all. Especially for babies and toddlers. They#re just clothes.

idobelieveinfairies · 29/01/2010 13:33

I have 2 sets of twins, boy,boy and boy,girl.

When its the same sex twins you do seem to be given the same outfits as presents but also when they are a bit older..when you are a play arena or out amongst lots of other children it's hard work keeping an eye on 2 children. But if you dress them the same they both stand out in the crowds ..so in my opinion safer.

Of course they look the same everyday now as they are in school uniforms that can't be changed...when it comes to shoes they tend to choose the same ones...it's just their school bags that are different..1 liverpool emblem..and 1 Man Utd emblem

scarletlilybug · 29/01/2010 13:38

I tend to see it as a bit of attention-seeking on the part of the parent. Maybe that's unfair.

I did see a documantary once about identical twins (about 4 or 5 years ago). Some twins had always been treated as a pair - matching clothes, haircuts, even names (e.g Millie and Mollie.) Others were treated as individuals who happened to have a twin sibling. The ones who were treated as individuals seemed, on the whole, to be much happier and balanced in adult life.

Cadelaide · 29/01/2010 13:40

YABU

Hate is a very strong emotion for something so innocuous.

'Tis naff though.

Original poster
Abubu · 29/01/2010 13:55

Hi again everyone,

I'm quite chuffed at having this many responses so far. My previous highest was 12!

Anyway, a few people seem to be in agreement with me and a few seem to think IABU.

In response to people who have asked, the reason I don't like it (personally for my tiwns) is that because of the times when you see adult twins, particularly identical, who are so absorbed in their twinness that it is the only thing in their lives.

I remember seeing documentaries with grown twins having to wear the same clothes on the same day with the same hair dos etc and I dont want to risk that happening to my girls.

Secondly I am pregnant again with another girl. I am already slightly worried about the girls being so close that number 3 will feel left out. Why exacerbate that with the twins wearing identical clothes when the youngest isn't? (I am planning to hand down a lot of clothes because it has cost me a lot of money over the last 2 and a half years - I'm damned if I would ever consider buying all 3 of them the same and chucking out everything I already have)

Regarding the argument about school uniform - sorry but thats a bit lame - you are told what to wear at school - no one has a choice, twins or not.

I don't really care what other people choose for their twins - hate is probably a strong word to be fair - more that I just don't really understand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abubu · 29/01/2010 13:59

Also I think there is a bit of a danger factor when they are young. If one of them runs in to the road and in the split second you have to think before you call their name - how do you tell who it is when you can only see the back of their head and they are both wearing the same?

Maybe a paranoid mums way of thinking but it has crossed my mind. For that reason i particularly hate matching coats...

OP posts:
idobelieveinfairies · 29/01/2010 14:02

Twins are usually close to each other though whether they wear the same clothes or not!

They have each other from birth..they go through the same phases together..they always play together.

There are a lot of twins that will start to argue and fight when they reach a certain age too y'know..whether they wear the same clothes or not!

Original poster
Abubu · 29/01/2010 14:06

Idobelieveinfairies -

I dont have an issue in twins being close - I want them to be. My girls are very close but also fight a lot as well.

However what I dont want is for them to be little clones of each other who get so absorbed in their twinness and insist on wearing the same clothes when they are 15 years old!

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 29/01/2010 14:18

Im a twin (now 27) me and my identical sister could not be more unlike, I dont get the whole clothes aspect, you can express yourself with your clothes, but not you as a individual!

I also dislike the negative things people say about twins, they have a bond, unlike no other, so their twiness is also going to be part of there lives whether you like it or not!, simply only for the fact, they are identical and have grown up together since birth!

They are individuals, no matter if the clothes are the same! each with have different charismatics, moods, likes and dislikes etc... clothes dont determine twins, they do that themselves!

LittleMrsHappy · 29/01/2010 14:19

clothes dose not determine you as a individual just because you are a twin!

Original poster
Abubu · 29/01/2010 14:26

Hi LittleMrsHappy,

I am just wondering, did your parents dress you the same? If so did you reach an age where you both decided you wanted to dress differently?

This is quite interesting for me as I am at a bit of a crossroads between wanting them to have their own things (particularly as one twin is more possessive over things being "hers") and wanting to try to be fair....

Just wondering if I am doing it all wrong and giving myself stress I dont need to have.....

OP posts:
woodyandbuzz · 29/01/2010 14:29

I have twin brothers and I have 2 DCs, not twins, who are close in age (DS and DD).

In your position, I would go with what you feel like doing and not worry about what anyone else does. My DCs have 4 or 5 items that they both have and they both think it is very amusing when they wear matching items (they are 2 and 4). They go around chuckling etc and pointing to their T shirts. My mum didn't dress my brothers in the same clothes - but she ended up having mainly blue clothes for one and mainly red for the other due to other people not being able to tell them apart. My DCs also share clothes - I have some stuff that's a bit snug on my DS and a bit baggy on my DD and either of them wear it. DS also thinks it is funny to see DD in his clothes.

Your girls will probably tell you soon enough what their preference is anyway.

Ziggurat · 29/01/2010 14:31

I will never understand why some people let what other parents decide for their own kids bother them.

Seriously - why does it matter? Some twins might end up with identity issues, but as long as you're doing what you think is right for your child/ren, who cares?

Same with anything - f/feeding v b/feeding, dummies v no dummies, whatever - as long as you're doing what's right for you and yours, don't sleep about other people.

Ziggurat · 29/01/2010 14:32

Don't lose sleep over other people, that should be!

LittleMrsHappy · 29/01/2010 14:37

We were dressed the same have loads of embarrassing photos, BUT we got to a age where we picked our own clothes, some days we wanted to wear the same others we did not, depended on our mood.

Ive found from research into twins, that one twin tends to be tomboyish, and easy going and the other twin tends to be very girlish but demanding and powerful over the other twin.

I wouldn't stress about it, if you want to put them in the same clothes do so, if not dont. Either way from personal experience and also having another 7 sets of twins in our family, it did not matter, we are all close in relationships to our twins, but once we reached a certain age, we wanted to be different in our expression, but not of our individuality, as it was already their.

midori1999 · 29/01/2010 14:37

I always think it looks a bit odd, but it's also none of my business I suppose and not likely to affect my life in any way.

I do know someone who always dresses her two boys (not twins but a year apart) the same way though, and is obsessed with it to the point that if one of their outfits gets staine dor ruined she will throw both outfits away. I always think that is a such a waste! In her case, it is completely about appearances, she is very concerned with this.

RonaldMcDonald · 29/01/2010 14:38

I like it, it makes them extra creepy
yabu

twinmumplus1inthetum · 29/01/2010 14:57

I try to dress my twins differently, but we do get given identical clothes by well meaning relatives and sometimes if I take them shopping they do choose the same thing.
So we end up with a mixture of same / different dressing, but something eg tights or cardie is usually different.

What seems to be more important to them at the moment is 'owning' their clothes. I divide the drawers up and they have their own clothes, even if one or two things are the same. They seem to like that their clothes are their own and even know whose socks are whose. Even though they are only 2 and 1/2 they have already started to 'borrow' eachothers clothes (completely unprompted). One wanted to wear a stripey dress the other day and asked her sister if she could borrow hers, yes said her sister I lend it to you because I love you!

pjmama · 29/01/2010 16:14

A friend of mine often dresses her 1yo twins the same and you'd be amazed how quickly we've all learned to tell them apart by actually looking at their faces, instead of relying on what they're wearing!

When they're little, I don't think it really matters much. When they're older, I would imagine most start exerting their own preferences anyway.

I never dressed my twins the same, although my DS has on occasion wondered why he can't wear a pink tutu like his twin sister

megapixels · 29/01/2010 21:02

"Also I think there is a bit of a danger factor when they are young. If one of them runs in to the road and in the split second you have to think before you call their name - how do you tell who it is when you can only see the back of their head and they are both wearing the same?"

I always mix up my daughters names, they are four years apart in age and, obviously, never dress the same. I thought that was quite common.

Do people really choose their children's clothes based on their personalities when they are babies and toddlers? At that stage I just pick what I like, they don't seem to care what it is.

ALT2 · 30/01/2010 16:21

My identical twins are the same age (2.4) I cannot bring myself to dress them identical either. I knew I would/could not before they were born and told people I would not do so. We were still given many identical outfits, but we just used one. Just can't see past the fact thet they are two people and as it happens so different, one should have been a boy for sure. They generally look co-ordinated, but that is not a hard and fast rule either. I do not swap clothes between the first one to wear it owns it, and they know the next time it comes around so no fights - well very few there have been a couple oddly over one applique chicken t-shirt, but the owner was not going to give it up and the contestant soon settled for her teapot version of the t-shirt.
I have often wondered, if you do choose to dress your twins identically and by mid morning one is dirty, do you change the clothes of both children or do you have to buy three outfits the same to get you through the day?

violethill · 30/01/2010 16:25

I don't get why you're so upset about it, but I agree that it looks silly and twee, and there is no more reason to dress twins identically than there would be to dress all your children in identical outfits - ie no reason at all. People I know with twins were sometimes given matching outfits - but you just mix and match - there's no law saying you have to put them in the outfits on the same day!!

verytellytubby · 30/01/2010 16:31

My ID boys have the same coats and same trainers as I was sick of the rows. Everything else is different.

I spent years dressing them differently for them to start school and wear a uniform! They are in different classes though.