every once in a while? Or help with the housework occasionally?
Have namechanged for this as somewhat embarassed...
There are a lot of similar threads knocking about at the moment, but thought I'd start this fresh one to show dh.
I am currently a SAHM though going back to work part time soon. DH works full time, very busy stressful job, almost three hours commute each day. He leaves around 7:30 am and returns around 7:30pm. DS is 16 months old, very spirited and lively. Usually happy, but needs my attention all the time - cant even go to the toilet without him. Currently teething, hardly eating, wanting to breastfeed all the time. Never slept through the night, has only recently started doing 3 hour stretches before midnight, but still wakes several times between midnight and 5am.
I dont need a lot of sleep, but waking up so often during the night does make me grumpy and tired during the day, which is not nice for ds either. Still DH does not do any housework during the week at all, and hardly any at the weekends. At weekends he sometimes prepares breakfast or dinner, will do the odd nappychange (as long as it is not a pooey one), a bit of hoovering (if we expect visitors) and other bits and bobs. All in all not much - by his own admission he is very lazy during the weekends as needs to recover from work.
He tells me I've got it easy; being at home all day, meeting with mums having coffee and gossping all the time... well yes, I do love looking after ds, and we do go to playdates a lot, which of course does involve coffee too. But looking after a toddler can be bloody exhausting too. None of the other mums are real friends that I would socialise with if it werent for ds. Since having ds I have been out by myself for perhaps four or five times. The last time when I had to have root canal treatment - and guess what! I looked forward to it and thoroughly enjoyed every second of it.
Have I mentioned DS gets up by 5am every morning? I get up with him so DH can sleep until 7pm. Usually I am then greeted by a huge pile of dirty dishes from the previous night when I would have been too tired to do any washing up (we dont have a dishwasher).
Most days I am just fine, ds and I have a lot of fun together and somehow I get most of the housework done too. But every now and then it gets too much, I get tearful, grumpy and whingey. Thought at some point I was developing depression, but GP said it was just exhaustion. DH, though temporarily sympathetic, hasnt really offered any additional help since then. He just thinks I am quite pathetic sometimes, turning into my own mother, and -even worse- comparing my "performance" to that of his own mum who apparently coped bloody amazingly with her two boys and kept the house impeccably clean and tidy.
The other night I had a bad evening - ds had thrown food everywhere, I was tired and, well, in a bit of a state. All DH was interested in was when dinner would be served. We ended up having a big row, and in the end he did apologise, sort of.
I could go on forever but you get my gist (thanks for reading if you have made it this far!).
Am I being unfair on DH? His job IS very demanding, he is knackered when he gets home in the evening and he DOES need a lot of sleep to function. He does also do a lot of other things that dont fall into the housework category, e.g. researching holidays. He is wonderful with DS, we do a lot of fun family activities together, although so far he has not once proactively offered to take him somewhere by himself, e.g. playground.
So, aibu to expect a little more sometimes? Also, we are ttc - am I mad??