to not want to be press-ganged in attending my sisters wedding in Italy when I have no money!

[TinksandFloris]

This will make you laugh, my Mum says to me, flights and accomodation are ONLY £500!

Oh well that's alright then! I'll take 5! We are a family of 4 and we'd still have airport parking and 5 days of food to buy as well. We'd be looking at between £800 and £1000.

My Sister has decided after years of being
engaged that she is going to get married in
the summer. I'm pleased for her, but I can't
justify racking up more money on credit cards to go on holiday.

Every year we save up to go on our annual
cheapy holiday to my parents villa and we've
already saved up for and booked and paid for our flights.

My parents are getting really funny with me
for saying I can't afford to go. They'd rather I add to my debt!

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to be press-ganged into a holiday that I can't afford?

If it means that much to your parents, would they contribute? If not then they'll just have to accept your word that you really can't afford it.

How close are you to your sister and would she be heartbroken if you didn't go? Is there another compromise, perhaps just go by yourself see if there's a cheap flight and camp out at your parents accomodation for one night?

If you really don't want to go, then no-one can force you. So I guess it depends on how bad a debt you'd be looking at and whether your sister's wedding is worth it to you?

Could you compromise and just you go? I think it's very cheeky for people to get married overseas and expect everyone to just pay up. Don't put it on your credit card.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, if you can't afford it you can't afford it. Can you afford to go alone? Or are you being expected to cancel your family holiday to make way?

Tell them if it bothers them that much they can pay for it.

I'd be tempted to go by myself, and just for a couple of nights - fly out the day before the ceremony and then fly home the following day.

No, we aren't particularly close.

I just feel it's a selfish thing to ask your entire family to go abroad to watch you get married. If it were that important then she'd do it here.

My parents have offered to pay for the childrens flights. To be honest though, that's irrelevant as it's still going to cost us money that we would have to put on a credit card.

We don't exactly have loads of cash to splash around as I've just given up work to spend the last few months at home with my daughter before she goes to school.

There's that and the fact the school will go nuts if we ask for time off. They blanket banned any term-time holidays a year ago.

YANBU

It would be a shame to miss your sisters wedding but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

FWIW I think if someone wants to get married abroad they need to give at least a years notice so people can save up and book time off.

I was thinking of going on my own but my Sister wanted my Daughter to be a flower girl, so she'd have to come to. Then there's the fact my Son won't be able to go, which makes it unfair.

It's a tricky one, unfortunately if you decide to get married abroad, (lovely as it is) there is always a risk certain close friends or relatives won't be able to afford to come. As happened with my brother and his wife who got married in the States.

If you've already saved up and paid for your annual holiday, you do not have an reserve funds to use. It's quite logical why you are saying no. I suppose your family think as it's a special occasion, once in a lifetime etc. why can you not put it on your credit card, I suspect. But going to a sister's wedding in the UK is very different from having to find £800- £1,000 to go and all the associated hassles with 4 kids.

I can see why your parents maybe being how they are, but also your side as well.

Don't really have anything helpful to say apart from the fact that I think it must be a very tricky situation for you and your family. Hope you manage to navigate this mine field successfully in the end x

I agree CrackFox, nothing is set in stone yet and they aren't going out until March to see if they like it. So that will give us 3 months notice!

I did say to my parents that I needed a years notice. If I had known earlier, I would not have booked a summer holiday. I would have saved for her wedding instead.

Oh I am glad for your comments. I was starting to think I was being totally unreasonable.

Talk about getting myself in a tiz.

My parents are always talking about how people should 'cut their cloth accordingly' if the can't afford things. Then they expect me to pay out ONLY £500 for the flights and accom alone!

explain £££ issues, so daughter cant be flower girl, and then go on your own. I hate overseas weddings, due to having to go on one this year I missing on a trip tp DPs homeland, gutted

but I think you going solo is a fair comnpromise

YANBU. When your sister planned her wedding, she should have considered who would be able to attend, not just makde blanket assumptions that it'll all work out somehow. It's allvery well saying it's her 'special day', but when you put one special day into perspective with months of paying off credit card bills, and the ire of schools for taking your children out in term time, then it looks less like a wonderful holiday for everyone and more like a bride-to-be getting a bit self-centred and forgetting that other people have lives too.

Your parents are just as bad for not tactfully pointing this out to her, and for actually trying to guilt you into something you really cannot afford. If your sister's family meant that much to her, why on earth didn't she hold the wedding in a place where everyone could attend, or include the travel expenses of her guests when she made her own financial decisions? It's like inviting someone to a birthday party and then telling them to contribute to the cost of the decorations, cake and entertainer. You just don't do it.

As you say, if she'd given you ample time to prepare then it wouldn't be so bad. But she should realise that a few months is too short notice for people to change their plans, especially when it involves foreign travel.

A former colleague of mine got married in Malaysia, but I think she actually paid for the guests travel. Accordingly, there weren't very many, and they had a second reception back in England after their honeymoon. So it's not as though there aren't alternatives which other people have realised.

Offer to help organise the party over here for all the people who can't afford to go.

MadamDeathStare I couldn't agree more. We had to go to one in Italy last summer. Neither bride nor groom was Italian, just a whim. Felt completely obliged to go, there was never any suggestion that all 120 guests wouldn't be expected to go just the same as if it were down the road. They had 3 bloody expensive wedding lists to boot. Plus the bride acted as though it was the highlight of everyone's social calendar by constantly bombarding us all with emails about hotels and travel and just every kind of useless bit of information about her day. We also had to rsvp 8 months in advance. 8 months!!

I really resented it. Decided then and there that we would not go to any more overseas weddings. Then my cousin got married in France a month later and we relented - but family is a bit different. And at least she was marrying a French guy!

That sounds like a lovely idea.

My Sister, unfortunately, is not a very reasonable person and volatile to boot. My protestation at the selfishness and cost is certain to cause major rows.

I wouldn't go at all if I was in that situation. I'd just send a nice gift and card and explain it simply isn't possible for any of you to attend. Most in our family know that we don't have the finances to attend any weddings that are not local, and I am not taking £ from our bills and budget going into debt for a wedding.

Rindercella - did your sis know that was your due date and not some horrible coincidence?

Rindercella, she sounds just like mine!