to not want to be press-ganged in attending my sisters wedding in Italy when I have no money!

[TinksandFloris]

This will make you laugh, my Mum says to me, flights and accomodation are ONLY £500!

Oh well that's alright then! I'll take 5! We are a family of 4 and we'd still have airport parking and 5 days of food to buy as well. We'd be looking at between £800 and £1000.

My Sister has decided after years of being
engaged that she is going to get married in
the summer. I'm pleased for her, but I can't
justify racking up more money on credit cards to go on holiday.

Every year we save up to go on our annual
cheapy holiday to my parents villa and we've
already saved up for and booked and paid for our flights.

My parents are getting really funny with me
for saying I can't afford to go. They'd rather I add to my debt!

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to be press-ganged into a holiday that I can't afford?

Also I don't think it matters wiether you had booked your holiday or not, I don't think it is fair having anyone else dictate how you spend your money

YANBU, I really don't understand why people make such a drama out of weddings. My sister (my only sibling) didn't come to my wedding; she was living in Australia and I got married in London (where I was living). She had already had a trip home to Ireland the year before so I knew that unless I postponed it for a couple of years she wouldn't be able to come. No hard feelings either wey - we were both grown ups! (And although it's obviously further away it would probably cost the same for one person to come from Oz as for a family to go to Italy).

costumes, Riven? For pity's sake!

But had an amusing thought that guests should onyl agree to go in costume if the bride adds a bone frill and plates down her back and goes as Bridezilla.

We get married abroad soon. We have always been clear to family and friends that we would love them to come but completely understand if they can not afford to and there is no pressure. DPs brother and his wife are unable to come because they can't afford to, obviously we would love them to be there but we have no desire to cause them financial problems so we understand perfectly and we will have a meal with them when we get back. I think your mum is being a bit unreasonable really

YANBU

500 quid? On which planet? By the time you've put the car in airport parking, the dogs in kennels, new outfits, wedding presents, etc., etc.

Skilhorse, exactly! This is the cost for airfare and accommodation that my sister has supposedly found on the internet. As you rightly say, that's without having to feed two permanently ravenous children (and a DH) and the car parking / wedding presents / cattery etc.

I have been thinking along the lines of going it alone. I would have to see if I could just do it for a couple of days. It largely depends on DH's work. He's not allowed to take any holiday in July and he works such long hours, he wouldn't be able to take the kids to and from school.

Someone did post on here that if I could afford to book a holiday already and take time off work then I could re-jig finances. In an ideal world, yes. But given that I've given up work......no spare cash available, and I'd rather not add anything else to a credit card!

My parents did have a chat with Sis yesterday and said that everyone might not be able to afford it. They were basically met with a 'well that's when and where we're getting married, so tough.'. She then went on to talk about the lavishly large blonde hair wig/extension thing she was going to wear and pranced about in my wedding veil. Enough said really!!

Then it will be a small and intimate wedding. Really, don't stretch yourself financially to fund someone else's expensive fantasy. If that's what she wants then she has to accept that most family and friends, unless flush, won't be there.

I do not understand brides/grooms that are willing to see their families go into debt simply to attend their wedding. How selfish!

When it comes down to "I can attend X's wedding, but I will have to pay £50 on the credit card to pay it all off for the next X amount of years.....", I think it's asking too much.

YANBU.

People who decide to get married abroad should surely take into consideration guest's ability to pay for attending.

Your family ABU.

YANBU. Weddings abroad are just the height of bridezilerdomme (or should that be bridezillerness?). How bloody selfish and arrogant to expect those invited to waste holiday leave and money attending.

In your shoes I would go on my own for 2 days but would also make it clear I was getting into debt for the pleasure. Hopefully either your sister or parents will reimburse you.

I wouldn't go at all. If the sister is saying "tough" about it, she's obviously not considering the financial impact this will have on others. I wouldn't waste my hard earned money, family time, or holiday time from work on it. Be realistic - with her selfish attitude, is she really going to even notice if someone else is not there on the day?

We have a similar situation ..... Niece is getting married to a Canadian in Antigua, perhaps the idea is that everyone has to travel so not unfair to anyone!! Our invitation was, "you are very welcome to come if you'd like", which of course we would, BUT the four of us to Antigua? It really would be a once in a lifetime for us, and frankly, once in a lifetime ideas involve the 4 of us, not the whole extended family. I think people who have destination weddings just have to put up with the fact that not everyone can go, otherwise what is the point in them? I thought they were to get away from the family, and any potential problems like divorced parents, new husbands and wives etc.

Tell your mum you can't afford it, you would have loved to have seen your sister get married but there you are. Perhaps they could take DD for you to be a flower girl if that means so much to them, and DD?

Heck, I wouldn't be sending dd abroad in term time to a bridezilla's wedding so she can look ornamental for her photographs.

TinkandFloris' sister has signalled her stance as "tough". Therefore I think Tink should just decide to spend their hard earned money in better ways and, decision made, forget about it, tbh.

Why does she need a flower girl, anyway? It's an extra expense, the girl's mother has to be on duty as well, the child can get bored and frustrated.... Not much fun for anyone, including a bride, when the child has had enough. The same goes for pageboys as for flower girls.

FFS. Not wanting to pay for going to an abroad wedding is one thing, poo-pooing the wedding and what the couple (there's two people in a wedding, not only the bride) would like, is just mean.

Having a flower girl is nice. Yes, it's mostly for looking cute on the photos, but it's also something, which in my experience, makes the child asked to be a flower girl immensely proud.

Obviously, if you can't make it to the wedding, you can't and shouldn't feel obliged to.

But from reading MN threads about weddings, it almost seems that as soon as a couple even only contemplates inviting people, the bride must be called bridezilla.

I dread to think that any of the guests at my wedding felt offended by being invited.

I find it very odd that your sister would make concrete plans for a wedding abroad without asking you about it - especially if she really expected you to come.

YANBU... I could no more spare £500 for a family trip than I could swallow the entire dog.
My auntie got married in Shetland last year- which meant either spending a fortune on flights (really, a fortune!) or driving for eight hours then making a 14-hour overnight ferry trip, with a toddler and a seven year old. We chose the latter- I like the ferry apart from the seasickness- and camped in a lovely tiny campsite for a fiver a night. The bride was really pleased and grateful we came and thanked us in her speech.
(Camping with small children, in a white tent, in Shetland in summer when it DOESN'T GET DARK- not recommended, ever)
We did go because we had a fairly simple way round the expense- you don't, so don't be bullied into it.