"Isn't is marvellous to see a father with his children?" Grrr!

[flowerybeanbag]

I am BU I know, as it doesn't matter in the slightest.

I have DS1, 2.8, and DS2, 12 weeks. DH takes both out Sunday mornings so I can work. He also had them for an hour and a half on Saturday in town while I was getting my haircut.

It irritates me a bit that the second he is out in public with them alone, he immediately gets queues of women lining up to tell him how well he is coping and how marvellous it is seeing children with their dad. He always gets lots of 'Ahh, isn't he doing so well?' looks and comments.

Don't get me wrong, I know lots of fathers are less willing to do the same, and I am very lucky, but when I am out with both of them, I get no credit at all. Not that I should, obviously! But I dislike the assumption that DH is doing something so marvellous and doing so well by doing it. There's no reason he shouldn't be equally as capable with the children as I am but him coping with both is seen as a massive achievement!

I know I am BU, so feel free to tell me, I just wanted to express my irritation!

Well i think I'm very fortunate not to not have a cretin as a DH..he wipes his own arse and probably mine if I had the need...it all stops at the cat though! (its a love hate relationship he still makes her homemade cat food)

YANBU.

Has anyone read "The Second Shift"? (can't remember the author - it's an American book) It has an interesting chapter on how women frequently describe themselves as "lucky" if their partner contributes to domestic work/childcare (as if it were a favour) and how men are more inclined to say "I've done the FOR YOU" - it seems these anecdotes have some basis in reality!

The midwives made approving noises when my husband was the first person to put a nappy on our newborn baby, much to his disgruntlement. But I don't think they had really considered their comments. I think sometimes people find comfort in stereotypes?

My DH is 54 and was asked if he was DS's grandpa recently..... And I'm 48 so presumably.... Suspect, flowerybeanbag, you have youthful handsome DH, and the DC's just give the ladies an excuse to chat him up a bit.

That sounds really interesting UE, will have to have a read of that. Are you my alter ego by the way? [doffs disguise]?

Elephants - interesting idea about putting a time value on each domestic chore.

I am a slight control freak like some things done a certain way - couldn't give a toss about cleanliness but prefer to cook most nights and, related to this, prefer to do the supermarket shopping.

When I suggested to DH that the cooking and shopping were domestic chores and he might want to match the time I spent doing these with housework, to make us equal (instead of moaning that I was messy) he looked aghast and said 'But you enjoy doing those things.'

In his defence, he is mostly great. Tomorrow I am doing a day's work for the first time in my mat leave and he is (naturally) taking the day off - and will do two more times. He is sweetly v excited about spending all day with DD for the first time.

My Mum thinks I am BU if I leave all three kids with their father. But not if I leave them with my 16 year old (female) babysitter. It's amazing that I am as well balanced as I am. .

Re wiping their own arses, when I was in hospital having had my appendix out, Dh just about had to do that for me. I couldn't, just couldn't go in a bedpan, the mws wouldn't take me as they weren't allowed to lift (I was 31 wks pg at the time) so DH got me out of bed and escorted me to the loo. And stayed with me, holding up my drip bag. I did manage to wipe my own arse, but it was a close-run thing.

Mind you, I could have done without him whistling 'I can't stand the rain' to 'help me along' as he put it.........

I sometimes get irritated to find myself falling into that pattern of thinking DH can't handle the kids on his own. He is usually fairly quick to remind me "I'm perfectly capable, I'm their father." Cue me feeling a bit silly.

I agree with bran. I don't know where you lot hang out but I have NEVER had this, and I've done my fair share of toddler groups, taking them out on my own at weekends etc. over the past 9 years.

its the moobs Unquiet..tis confusing

I agree with bran too.

I haven't read what she said but I always agree with her and it saves much time not reading threads just cutting and pasting "I agree with bran"...

but now that I have read it I would like to refer you to my earlier post of 11.15am.

See, see, I even agreed with Bran before she said it!

I agree with Bran.

It annoys me when Mums stay in and look after the children but when Dads do it its "babysitting"

"Oh DH is babysitting tonight!"

how can you babysit your own child?!

I agree with Bran.

See, see, I even agreed with Bran before

Actually now I think about it, I have had one nice comment once. I was at the garden centre with DS1&2. We were sat at a table in the cafe sharing a chocolate muffin. DS2 started screaming so I fed him (a bottle, not some muffin...)

DS1 climbed off his chair. I told him to sit back up at the table, which he did, but bashed his head on the way up. Cue crying DS1.

I put my chin against DS2's bottle to balance it, then with my other hand pulled DS1 to me for a cuddle and to kiss his head better.

A granddad complimented me on my multi-tasking skills on his way out!

sex flying with a young bouncy child

I say, that Bran's a bit saucy

Bran agrees with me.

I agree with Kew.

I dream of Bran agreeing with me.

How delicious! There will, I hope, be a ring of prawns?

I am really very lazy. I hate hate hate housework of any kind. I do not iron, I avoid cleaning, washing and tidying and only do the above under mild duress or when it becomes somewhat hazardous to health or if I have guests who will judge me harshly (my mother being suspect no.1)

I don't mind cooking so do a reasonable amount of that without too much coercion. And I quite enjoy getting the groceries in so happy to do that as well. I do make sure DS is presentable and properly fed and watered. I am organised and manage the household finances and things of that sort. I am on mat leave now but will be back at work FT when DS is 11mo. I will be getting a cleaner, I will not be working FT and doing housework.

I see many women, admittedly mostly of an older generation, who are the default cleaners and fetchers. I just don't/won't do it and won't be shamed into it either. Much to the of my mother and (secretly I suspect) my MIL. DH nags me quite a bit to do more around the house and he does do quite a lot (not as much as he thinks he does but he does do a fair whack). I have a high tolerance for mess not because I like mess but because I dislike housework more. Unlike DH however I do not leave dirty pants on the floor.

I agree its on the babysitting your own kids thing. My DH told me how our friend had arranged to do a course after work every friday night and that her DH would "babysit" their son that night. I noted that it was odd that he was babysitting his own child as I thought that was just called "staying in".

Don't you like housework Eager? Bran says women should free their inner dusters.

And I agree.

I concur with Hully and her dusty inners.