to be very slightly put out that a relative said of dd "Of course she's not pretty!"

[nigelslaterfan]

"she's adorable but not pretty!"

as if 'prettiness' was a kind of scientific norm like brown eyes or hair.

Of course we are parentally blind and I was relieved to have a pleasant faced dd rather than a baby who looked like me when I was a baby (really scientifically unpretty)
So AIBU? You don't say that do you? You just say to all babies that they are adorable don't you?

You don't say a fat baby "Isn't thin" do you?

Weird... and yes I am extremely PM today, and have far more important stuff to do than rush about mumsnet with my sack of insecurity!

Also, no claim to dd's attractiveness had been made by us, we didn't introduce the topic at all. The subject came from the relative.

it is a horrible thing to say. which relly was it? and was it said to you? or you overheard?

my children arent the stereotypical "pretty" but they are both very cute.

people can be very insensitive. ignore.

Who would say that! There's just no NEED to say that true or not. YANBU!!!!!!!!!!!

under 30 yrs old cousin of dh. Lovely lovely woman, get on with her brilliantly, she loves dc and is great company.
She's just given to gratuitous dogmatism it seems. No one had asked for her pronoucement upon dd's appearance at all, like some bad fairy godmother. It's something I'd expect from a tactless Ancient Rel not a young woman.
Odd! I really felt it when she said it to both dh and me and later was pleased that dh was as irritated by it as I was.
I mean honestly I have no idea if she's pretty or not, I'm blinded and irrational, but it made me think, oh dear, maybe she mings and I didn't realise it!
Insecurity Day for me!

If it was said to you - mildly annoying - tactless even if true.

If it was said in front of your DD, more annoying and potentially damaging to her self-esteem. Something like that might stay with a little girl - they don't understands the nuances of pretty vs adorable

It's odd to consider a small child "pretty" anyway isn't it? They're all adorable or cute to me...

"You just say to all babies that they are adorable don't you?"

Apparently so. No actual comments or observations are allowed, all children (even those who cannot understand you and therefore won't be upset by what you say) must be described as beautiful.

Booo-ring

Is the DD a small baby? Perhaps she meant 'of course she isnt pretty' as in all babies look somewhat simialr when tiny (you cant really tell which are boys or girls from their faces and so couldt really call a girl pretty iyswim) and that she is cute as in small baby cute instead at the moment...

Well I always say "what beautiful eyes he has" or "she has so much hair!" or failing that "I love her sweater! How cute,". There's something appealing about every child. Except mine at the moment, who's screaming himself into a stroke over not being able to watch Elmo for the billionth time today.

m,aybe they meant in the way that really, babies are generally not "pretty" alrthough they are adorable/cute

i dunno.
weird thing to say, but might not have been meant maliciously

I would be quite pleased cos most attractive adults were mingers as babies and vice versa.

Is this a baby we are talking about ?

If so, YAB a bit U

A very rude insensitive thing to say. What did you say to her?

How rude!

YANBU

What a horrid thing to say... and also completely unneccessary.

Even if your DD looked like Mr Potato-Head... why would anyone be so mean as to point it out?

take it as a com[pliment

imo dd is much more attractive andinteresting-looking than her blue-eyed blonde-pigtailed, conventionally 'pretty' contemporaries

Horrid thing to say. Do you think she meant to be horrid?

Or do you think she meant that like all newish babies, they can look a bit odd i.e. rashy, squashed faces, froglet etc.

All children should be told they're pretty/cute/handsome/adorable as often as possible even if they're not.

Definitelycomes across as rude - and an unnecessary add on to he statement.

Surely just "she's adorable" would have been sufficient.

You just don't ned anythng negative added on, regardless of how she meant it. It just isn't the done thing!

YANBU, I don't like it when people comment negatively on children. Ok so some are better looking than others, but you don't say it, especially to the parents. You wouldn't go up to an ugly adult and say it so why to or about a child?

I get pissed off if people say my DS looks like a girl, he is nearly 2, wears mainly blue and brown clothes and the odd person has commented about how he looks like a girl just because he has curly hair. I find it quite rude tbh.

When my dd was born she was taken away to be checked in the hospital[35+years ago]and I said to dh,'Is she pretty?'He said,'No she looks just like Edward G.Robinson!'He was right.She grew up to be so beautiful[imho of course].

YANBU - unnecessary and bitchy

very nasty and uncalled for.Take no notice horrible cow.