to be very slightly put out that a relative said of dd "Of course she's not pretty!"

[nigelslaterfan]

"she's adorable but not pretty!"

as if 'prettiness' was a kind of scientific norm like brown eyes or hair.

Of course we are parentally blind and I was relieved to have a pleasant faced dd rather than a baby who looked like me when I was a baby (really scientifically unpretty)
So AIBU? You don't say that do you? You just say to all babies that they are adorable don't you?

You don't say a fat baby "Isn't thin" do you?

Weird... and yes I am extremely PM today, and have far more important stuff to do than rush about mumsnet with my sack of insecurity!

What a strange comment to make, totally unnecessary IMO. Take it with a pinch of salt. Everyone has different ideas and opinions on beauty anyway.

Thesecondcoming, that baby in your profile pics is gorgeous.

Coldhands, if people say either of my boys looks like a girl, I take it as a compliment, meaning they have pretty faces.

ffs - as teh old adage goes, if you have nothing nice to say, SHUT IT. and that goes double for talking about children.

You should have said to the relative, "we think she looks like you not classically beautiful but interesting"

Seriously what is wrong with some people, why would you say such a thing? I would be very offended.

does the relative have dc herself? my mum often says to me 'ofcourse ds isn't the most handsome baby in the world, but he is so appealing'...etc etc but i know she doesn't mean it in a derogatory way - she just can't remember what it's like when you have a little baby

HE IS THE MOST HANDSOME BABY IN THE WORLD by the way!

My mother said this about me pretty much all my life [until a few years ago]

She didnt say I was adorable though, just not pretty.

You will never be pretty but you will always be interesting.

Yeah - little girls just love to hear that.

I get the feeling she heard it/read it once and thought it sounded witty.

The only comment that should be made about a child's appearance is they are beautiful. Why bother saying anything that qualifies that?

Bitter? Moi?

che. . i can't see your photo, but you have a beautiful personality. your mum sounds misguided.

hmmm..weird...but tbh I tend to think all children cute even the facially challenged

I think that's a horrible thing to say.

My MIL once said of my daughter when she was a tiny tot: 'She's not exactly ugly herself.'

The only word I heard in that statement was 'ugly'. Irrational, I know. But that's how we are about our children.

horrible thing to say to you. when she has her own children, gently remind her of what she said and see her realise how insensitive and unnecessary her comment was.

FWIW my MIL on seeing the 3D photos of the baby im carrying at the mo said "ooh pooter, shes not very pretty is she". I had to go to the kitchen and have a cry. I know MIL will be besotted though when she's finally born.

I've had this all my life too.

One particular that springs to mind (and which I have recounted on here before) is travelling on a coach home (from boarding school). I fell asleep and woke up as a girl sitting opposite me leaned over to get her coat. She said "oh don't want to wake her," and then went on to say, "you know, she's not very pretty, I kind of feel sorry for her because she will probably never be able to find a husband, because not only is she not pretty but she has a disability too."

My mum was at great pains to tell me that DD2 doesn't look as pretty as DD1, she has more of a cute face. NO idea what she was on about (except maybe that DD2 is a bit bigger and fatter than DD1 maybe? Not by much, she is 2mo and still only 10lb!)

Staines what a lovely thing to say! You want to watch out you dont get deregged from Mumsnet for being all nice like that .

YANBU at all its not a nice thing to say, she is entitled to think that but she can keep it to herself instead of broadcasting it.

Yes my mum and relies used to say that about me too, I am half Armenian and have a big nose and thick eyebrows and the family big hips and bum. I was never a good looking child like the rest of the girls. I look better now though, than when i was a ittle girl, i hate absoultely hate looking at old photos of me

wannaBe

I got teased mercilessly for being ugly at school. What they meant is I didn't look 80s-tacky. And thank heavens for that...

wanneBe

How very crap.

Supercherry I never really thought of it like that. He does have a very cute angelic little face with very curly hair, soooo many comments about his hair (and I am jealous, its not from me ).

My mother told a neighbour (in my hearing, when I was 14)- "Oh Deaddei's not attractive is she- can't see her ever having a boyfriend".
Well, she was right- I had the lowest self esteem you could imagine after hearing that, and didn't have a boyfriend till I was 22 because of it.
At the age of 49, I finally KNOW I am attractive and wish I'd never heard that conversation. And I tell my dd every day how gorgeous she is (even when she has a huge spot on her chin and greasy hair!)

yanbu, i wouldn't say that to anyone because all babies ARE pretty in different ways, and whoever said all babies look the same i beg to differ, i'm not trying to be biased (i obv am a bit) but my dd looked like a dolly when she came out, pic on profile if anyone's interested, i definitely don't think they all look the same at any rate

i was an ugly baby btw but even i realise i had pretty eyes, there's always something nice to say

che - and you made me glow right back at you! i love a love-in!

Meh. DS was not a pretty baby. Adorable to those who love him of course, but undeniably an odd-looking child. People used to say about him "Oh, isn;t he alert?", which is certainly the baby equivalent of a 'lovely personality'

He is a very fine-looking 8 year old though, now he;s grown into his ears...

I really wouldn;t be offended by it at all.

YANBU
If you cant say something nice don't say anything at all.

actually, when my little brother was born he had an absolutely massive nose! it swallowed up the rest of his face and made him look a little odd, he's 4 now and is without doubt one of the most photogenic children i have seen, he's very beautiful. dd on the other hand is beautiful but not very photogenic

I was very skinny as a kid and adults always teased me about it. Now I suspect there was a bit of jealousy there. (Not too skinny any more btw).

All babies have something lovely about them and no one should comment like that. Bloody rude and unnecessary. I'm sure your DD is lovely.

One thing I've noticed recently- I've never seen an ugly smile. My DD smiles all the time so it doesn't matter how her face turns out. People are drawn to her because she looks happy. Wish I could bottle whatever she is on.