Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DP sister is a loser?

62 replies

littlemissfixit · 26/01/2010 00:09

OK quick background. DP has 5 siblings 1 brother, 3 sisters. They all live at home and are all over 21. 1 sister is doing a law degree, other bit immature, The Brother saving up to move out.

But his sister in question is 27, with a full time job, well paid, has a boyfriend (30 who also lives with his mum!!) and has absolutly no plans to move out. Is it me or is she either a bit weird or a sponging git?
Its kind of irritates me that she pays £50 a months house keeping (reluctently) and could well afford to stand on her own two feet.

Her room is a bomb site (so much that the family jokes " dont let ds go into her room because we'l never find him hahaha"

I asked DP's mum today has she any plans to move, no she said, i think she's too comfortable!

Her other 2 sisters still share a room, (1 constantly complains to me about it) which i think is unfair. I cant help but think if you have the means to move out then you should..shouldn't you?

OP posts:
justsue · 26/01/2010 00:11

why should she! It is her family home and she lives there cheaply

Vallhala · 26/01/2010 00:13

You may well think so but as it isn't any of your business and it doesn't affect you I'd recommend that you kept your thoughts to the anonimity of MN and didn't express them to your DP or his family!

justsue · 26/01/2010 00:17

Seriously , I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers the youngest did not leave home till he was 35 but not one of us thought "we are paying mortgages etc and he should leave home" and his bedroom was a health hazzard. leave well alone

Original poster
littlemissfixit · 26/01/2010 00:17

oh god no vallhala i never woul when little DP's little sis complains i just nod, i asked today as DP had mentioned it.

I think if you have the means to move out, then you should stand on your own two feet, especially when there are still siblings sharing a room.

OP posts:
juneybean · 26/01/2010 00:36

Think it's the mother being muggins to be honest, but I guess those apron strings can get a bit tight sometimes.

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 26/01/2010 00:38

None of yours, so bite yer tongue.

Seriously, why fucking worry about it? she's not you're kid.

leave it, let it go, and nick their vodka

MadamDeathstare · 26/01/2010 00:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spingspong · 26/01/2010 00:50

Just think it's weird that she doesn't want to move out - does she not have a social life/partner where she wants some privacy?

YANBU

Original poster
littlemissfixit · 26/01/2010 00:57

i have never said what i think other than on this thread, i never would, as, quite rightly said it is none of my buisness. But surely there has to be an age where children should go it alone? junkybean i think dp's mum needs to be needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
littlemissfixit · 26/01/2010 01:00

Spingspong this is what i really dont get, her boyfriend and her sleep in the room across from her parents room, I mena what if your having a really steamy night, and get a bit noisey.. i just couldn't!

OP posts:
justsue · 26/01/2010 01:02

that is up to them though dont you think. chill out

spingspong · 26/01/2010 01:04

Me neither... I left home at 18 but went back to livewith parents a couple of times for 1-2 months between ages of 18 and 30 (back from travelling, in between jobs/flats etc) and much as I love my parents it was hard work and I couldn't wait to get my own space again. And, much as they love me I'm sure it was mutual!

JustAnotherManicMummy · 26/01/2010 01:06

Mind your own. You are judging (yes you, judgey-pants ) her by your own standards. Not everyone is the same and unless something is generally considered to be socially unacceptable or specifically concerns you, you should leave well alone.

spingspong · 26/01/2010 01:11

And really surprised by only £50/month housekeeping! It must cost more than that to keep her??

Is she saving up for a deposit on a house with the money she's saving?

tiredfeet · 26/01/2010 01:12

YABU, you may well not know all the detail, it can be hard to judge from the outside. Her mum may have spun you that line to protect her:

  • she may be saving up to buy a place / start a family (unlikely to get much parental financial help as one of five)
  • etc etc

i.e. there might be all kinds of reasons, don't be too judgmental.

Plus, with multiple adult siblings at home, its probably a lively place to be. I am one of four and I still find living with just dh a bit strange, as I'm used to lots and lots of noise and chatter

Original poster
littlemissfixit · 26/01/2010 01:19

lol at justanothermanicmummy, i suppose i am judging, but isnt that what aibu is all about ? I dont think she does save, her family tease her about being terrible with money so i doubt it, she spent £400 quid on a flight to florida then couldn't get up early enough to catch the flight (also a family joke)

Is this really that common? I honestly thought that when you were in your late teens early 20's thats when you flew the nest, at least my family and all my friends did.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 26/01/2010 01:30

"DP has 5 siblings 1 brother, 3 sisters"
that's only 4 siblings.

Nothing to do with you, have no idea why the fuck it would annoy you.

Tortington · 26/01/2010 01:31

she presumably works for her money so she can spend it on what she likes.

the board money is set by mum - sounds like mum is well happy with all her kids around her.

if anyone is to be criticised IMO, its the mum for not kicking them out - but she obviously likes it this way.

Original poster
littlemissfixit · 26/01/2010 01:46

mayorquimby ment 1 of 5, craving fags really badly right now so my head its all that clear at the moment. Maybe irritates is too strong a word, would baffled suit you better? i think if you have then means to fly the nest then you should. as you will probably say it is none of my buisness which i have not disagreed with from other posters. I feel though that if other adults have to share a room, and another has the money to move out, then surely she should?

OP posts:
PrincessFiorimonde · 26/01/2010 02:22

Littlemiss, my brother lived with our parents till he was 30. They (esp. Mum) just LOVED him being there; would have had him there for no money.

Mind you, he paid a lot more for bills, etc. than your DP's sister is doing. And there was no room-sharing involved with other siblings.

But sometimes - just sometimes, you know - parents (esp. mothers, IME) just don't want to let their kids go out into the big wide world. I might get flamed for saying that, but it was certainly true of my bro'. And possibly true of your SIL too?

In any case, if it doesn't directly affect your life - don't worry about it. Let them all just get on with it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 26/01/2010 07:58

YANBU
but it sounds like your MIL has encouraged them to be dependent on her. I wonder your DH escaped?

My youngest DBro has just left home age 19. My parents are breathing a sigh of relief. They once said they would feel like failures if we didn't feel ready to move out by about 21. Plus they want their own life back. That's normal IMO

porcamiseria · 26/01/2010 09:24

mind your own! perhaps her family like her being there, fair enough to have a rant but as advised, keep it to yourself!

maybe green eyes.....?

Morloth · 26/01/2010 09:41

Sounds like a great big pile of none of your business/problem.

RonaldMcDonald · 26/01/2010 09:53

loser is such a telling descriptive term

pooexplosions · 26/01/2010 10:08

If the 2 sharing are also adults, if they don't like it they can move out can't they?

Don't see how its your business anyway.