to think that parents who buy their 6 yr old children i-pod touches & tv/dvd players for their bedrooms are making it hard for the rest of us?

[Karensara]

My 6 yr old has just come back from a friend's house after school, and when we got home was in floods of tears as "all her friends" have got i-pod touches, i-pods, ds lite's as well as their own tv's/dvd players. I can think of at least 3 of her friends who have i-pod touches and most of them have tv's/dvd players in their rooms. Someone I know has children who each have their own tv's/dvd players in their rooms as well as their own i-pods and they are aged 10, 8 & 6!! Ok - we live in a very wealthy area, but we are NOT wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But I have to admit, even if we could afford these things, I think that 6 is far too young to have them. I want my daughter to play with her toys, not be stuck to a screen at such a young age. We have a Wii, computer and laptop so she does get to play Club Penguin, etc.. so she's not missing out completely. Am I just being an old fashioned fuddy-duddy and should get with the times, or am I being the sensible one. Im confused!

I dont have a TV in my bedroom, I think its unrelaxing, personally. Same with DS he is read stories before bed time. Like I say thats my choice.

I dont like the way children have been electronocated ?? Whats wrong with board games and football ?

I dont understand why it needs to be in their bedroom at such a young age... just the way i am... old fuddy duddy.

My DP never had a tv in their house when he was younger, and generally doesnt like them....

Blimey not even to watch porn on Joanne - what a boring life you must lead!

joanne34 - I amde the comment earlier. Children who have access to and own tecnology do also have access tot yoys, games and books, The two are not exclusive of one another and do not have to be of the detriment to one another.

I also made this comment elsewhere. there is only one activity my DD does that does that has her turnoff from the restof the world, where she becomes somewhat transfixed or "obsessed", anable to focus on things around her, and seemingly unable to hear what people say to her. She remains static when doing this activity. She does it on her own, so there is no interaction with other people. What is this activity? Reading! Should I be stopping her?

Double standards? You have a Wii, computer and laptop but are upset that others might have a ipod or hand held things. But they are much cheaper than wii's?

I got given 2 ipods free when I changed my phone. Couldn't believe it! You can pick them up for peanuts. Gave one to our son who loves music. I had a stereo when I was young. Surely Ipod/mps the same thing? You also don't know if they were given them? Inherited them from older siblings?

Don't agree with TV's in bedrooms as we like to hang out together as a family.

But don't care what other kids have got at all - each to their own.

DSs 10 & 7 each have a DS and an MP3 player.

DS2 is less good than DS1 about self-regulating' his use, therefore I don't like the fact that I have to act as nasty-nagging-mummy-police sometimes. But hey ho - that's parenting.
And there are some pluses e.g. long journeys/ audio books on the MP3 (I get loads out of the library for DS2, who is sless keen on reading at the end of the day).

Personally I also support the 'no TVs in bedrooms' principle, but you can't categorically say that without understanding different people's lives and habits.
A friend of mine has no 'family' room as such, but her (only) daughter has a huge, L-shaped bedroom - part of which has bean bags and a TV in for when her friends come round (she's 10).

We also have a Wii and about 6 computers including laptops, so the DCs are used to googling for things etc.

We're pretty strict about 'screen' time for gaming though - max half an hour during the week and a bit longer at weekends or when friends come over.

During term time I tend to hide their DSs in drawers etc and they forget about them!

Our kids know we believe "Our family, Our Rules" and pretty much accept their lot without too much complaint.

(Oh, and we have a Joggler... but no-one touches that )

You are not being old fasioned. None of ours had a telivision int thier bedrooms until they were 15. DD3 got an Ipod nano ( she wanted that or an ipod touch) for her 18th birthday,she did have an mp3 player before that.

I find it more that people reward their children financially for behaving considerately towards siblings.

Love, love, love our Wii.

Always laugh to see our 6 year old doing yoga poses on the Wii Fit (which he really enjoys).

Have told dc's (10, 6, 4) they can't have mobiles until they go to secondary. Think their brains are fried enough as it is.

Also no computers, ds's or tv's in bedrooms, as these are reading and thinking spaces.

But dd (10) got an ipod for christmas. And both her and ds1 (6) have got a DS, which they enjoy.

Hulababy makes a very good point. I love reading and dh quite often moans that i'm ignoring everyone when i have my nose stuck in a book.

Am quite insulted that some seem to think having gadgets and electronic toys equals 'lazy parenting'!! All it means are there are several more activities and games for us to enjoy with our children.

cory: "The thing is, when we think of children having too many things, we usually mean the things that other children have, not the things that we, in our loving wisdom, have provided for our own children" - no, I wouldn't say that's the case for me, and so I'm sure lots of other parents don't think that way. I think of 'too many things' in terms of what DS wants, or even already has. And I also think of it in future terms, with regard to stuff that he may want in the future which he will never get, even over my dead body, such as a TV/ DVD player in his own room. Or every single techy gadget on the market.

I do think that it's nice (not necessary, but nice) for 'deprived' kids (in this context I mean that in the loosest sense of the word: i.e. kids like mine who will not be showered with endless material possessions) get to be the first to get something newfangled once in a blue moon, just so they don't always feel that they're at the back of the pack. But frankly if it boils down to finances, you have to be money-wise first, and the idea of forking out £200 for a bloody toy horrifies me.

I've always thought a better way to help our children manage their desire for stuff whilst also learning key interpersonal skills would be for a group of schoolfriends to pool a budget from their parents and then negotiate together to decide which mega-gadget to buy and share. I once drew up an elaborate scheme for how this could work! Sadly I expect most parents would just fork out for their own one rather than trying to do things differently. I imagine in practical terms it would be difficult for the children to manage the negotiation/ sharing/ collaborating stuff to start with, but then isn't it our role as parents to help them develop these skills? I am convinced that children are versatile enough to be able to get used to just about anything, and so over time they'd get used to sharing the gadgets. If a determined group of parents got together and decided to try out such a scheme I'd be really fascinated to know how it panned out. Or if I find such a group of parents among my kids' peers, I'll let you all know how it goes .

The other thing that's occurred to me, with regard to values and money, is Charlie Simpson - the 7-year-old boy who's raised £160k for Haiti. On the one hand we praise efforts that people like him have made to behave altruistically. We also condemn the greed which led to the worldwide recession, as well as the extravagance of the Imelda Marcoses of the world. But we very rarely point the spotlight at ourselves and ask ourselves whether we're being hypocritical.

I would hazard a guess (and I include myself in this guess) that every single one of us (in the West, at least) who profess any kind of values or morality with regard to consumption is being a hypocrite. So what are we willing to do about it? Wouldn't it send mixed signals to Charlie Simpson if he's being encouraged for his amazing fund-raising efforts and then, throughout his childhood, gets showered with every toy he doesn't need?

Are these mixed signals the messages we want to send to our children? I wrestle with this all the time - we (my family) are by no means rich by UK standards, but globally speaking we're loaded up to eyeballs. We are a family of nearly 4 living in a 3 bed house - that alone makes us practically millionaires compared to much of the world's poor. I know that we are so incredibly privileged, I send money to charity and am kind and generous to people, yet at the same time I still think it's okay to treat myself to a nice dress once in a blue moon. So I live with my own hypocrisy and pass that on to my children.

Good case for my children to have mobiles: they have a disability that means their legs can literally give way under them/dislocate without notice. So, it's either going to be keeping them at home wrapped in cotton wool or giving them a means to call for assistance when disaster strikes. I like them to be independent. So mobiles it is.

dark and stormy we had our dcs in 'batches' (!) the first lot screened - ds's etc the second one buckaroo!

karensara i agree with you op

Some parents let their DC's have TV's DVD's in their bedrooms, some dont. Voila

I am the latter.

I think its all about getting a balance, what is right for you will not be right for me. I think the thing with kids is that if there pals had purple spots growing out of there faces, chances are your little dafrlings will want the spots too, they always want what they have not got and us mums always beat ourselves up over whether or not we should allow it. When i was a kids i was daft on Barbie which was the trend at the time taking over from Cindy who was cheaper, you could argue barbie looked promiscuous blahb blah what was wrong with Cindy....its natural progression, things change, toys change, i think keeping your children up to date in technology is a good thing!

YANBU for not buying your DCs these things if you don't want to or can't afford to.

But YABU if you think people should factor in your views/finances in deciding what to buy for their own DC

Yanbu, in regard to your principles with your children.
yabu, in regards to how people bring up their children.

I get this from my ds especially

"T has a tv and dvd played in his room"

I say "well, you don't" - and that's that.

Isn't it good for children to grow up knowing that some people have things - that they can't have? That's the way it will be when they are adults. No matter how rich you are. Being bent over with bitterness about the haves and have nots isn't going to help them now or later. When my dc complain we don't have/do what other families have/do - my response? Tough luck - you're in this family.

You can have a middle ground though. My dd has a tv and dvd player, the boys have a tv, video player and xbox 360. They have to ASK before they can turn them on though!

My problem was when other people bought MY kids things I don't want them having - dses for 4yos!

they don't have to be exp neither - everything the kids have in their rooms was originally in the lounge and has been upgraded.

MrsLau - so that's why I had a Sindy. It was cheaper. My entire childhood was blighted by my need for a Barbie. Now I know what to tell my counsellor.

I didn't even get a Sindy. I ended with Tressy's little sister Toots. Her hair grew and also a little Pippa but she got stolen by my best friend

Pre surgery Sindy was much lovelier than Barbie, she was an english rose before she went under the knife