to think that parents who buy their 6 yr old children i-pod touches & tv/dvd players for their bedrooms are making it hard for the rest of us?

[Karensara]

My 6 yr old has just come back from a friend's house after school, and when we got home was in floods of tears as "all her friends" have got i-pod touches, i-pods, ds lite's as well as their own tv's/dvd players. I can think of at least 3 of her friends who have i-pod touches and most of them have tv's/dvd players in their rooms. Someone I know has children who each have their own tv's/dvd players in their rooms as well as their own i-pods and they are aged 10, 8 & 6!! Ok - we live in a very wealthy area, but we are NOT wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But I have to admit, even if we could afford these things, I think that 6 is far too young to have them. I want my daughter to play with her toys, not be stuck to a screen at such a young age. We have a Wii, computer and laptop so she does get to play Club Penguin, etc.. so she's not missing out completely. Am I just being an old fashioned fuddy-duddy and should get with the times, or am I being the sensible one. Im confused!

It is mental how much electronic gadgetry young kids have now, like really young. When I was young (old lady emoticon, despite being mid-twenties) no one I knew had a PlayStation or Sega or whatever the fuck it was under the age of about 11.

I, an adult person, do not even have an Ipod or a digital camera (admit this makes me a bit weird). I really think it shortens children's attention spans to have such repetitive no-imagination-required things constantly on the go. They are never allowed to be bored, and consequently when they haven't got anytihng to amuse them for 5 mins they kick off. Could never contemplate getting a computer game for a young child for fear that they would become addicted to it, cue rows about when they can play it etc. Not worth the hassle.

When I was young, I read books. So there.

yabu in thinking other people's parenting choices make it harder for you.

Your DD needs to learn that life isn't fair and that there will always be other people with more bigger better faster flashier things than her, and if you have chosen not to buy these things for her that is your choice, regardless of what other parents do.

I think, like you, 6 is too young for all these things, and so my DS doesn;t have any of these things apart from a cheap mp3 player because he likes his music.

What other parents choose to do is irrelevant tbh. Childrne will always compare when going to their friend's houses and want what they don;t have. It's a good lesso for them to learn imo.

I will never buy DS any kind of games console. I have already decided. If he wants one he can save up and buy one himself.

I, in the meantime, will spend my money buying him more books and taking him on camping trips and climbing expeditions.

YABU
DS will be 8 in a week and has DVD player in his room ( tv is old and broken and will only play dvds) and DSlite.
Frankly, it's about parents setting limits- I don't mind if he plays ds for an hour in the evening as he reads a lot/ gets very good results at school/ we still spent a lot of time together/ he does sports.
There is nothing wrong with it per se.
As long as you don't allow your dcs to turn into zombies, I don't see a problem.

dd is more than content with her wooden hoop and collection of peg dolls

YABU

Ask her what my mum used to ask me - if her friend had a big boil on the end of her nose would she want one too?

As OMDB said, there will always be people with both more and less than your DD. Sooner she learns this, the better.

DD - 10 - has never been on plane. Most of her friends have. I didn't feel I had to take her abroad to fill her lack.

(Having said that, we are going to Malta at Easter, and she will go on a plane at last! She's very excited.)

YABU. It's part of being a parent - like saying no to stuff they see in shops of on TV. My answer to "X has...." is "Oh, really, that's interesting" Growing up, most people we knew had more 'stuff' than we did. It didn't kill me or even make me wildly acquisitive.

I sat at a ten year old's birthday party the other day in Pizza Express watching two boys completely ignore their hosts and the Birthday boy while the fiddled with their i-phones. YES! i-fucking-phones! Jeez, they'll have blackberries next. My ten year old is still waiting for his first phone and he is secure, well-balanced and sensible enough to know that there is really no need until he goes to senior school. He does have his own DVD player though - it cost £30! But no TV reception in his room, DVDs only.

Our son who is 6 has a DS which was originally something my husband got for a birthday present. He also has an old ipod mini of ours to listen to his tunes on.

We did make a mistake of buying him a TV/DVD for his bedroom but he kept on watching it after we put him to bed, even though I repeatedly told him not to. The TV/DVD has now been confiscated and is now in our bedroom. I don't mind him watching TV but just not in his own room.

I think, if I have kids, I will have some of these things (Dh has them anyway)but they will be mine (ours) and my kids might get to borrow them for half an hour every now and again. No TVs in their rooms though. No way!

I get this a lot from my 5 and 4 yo DDs right now as their friend got a TV/DVD for her room last Christmas when she was 3!! She also has a DS she got for her 4th birthday. She asked me in the car the other day why DD1 and 2 don't have DSs. DD1 keeps saying "but X has a TV in her room and she is only 4"

She (X) is obsessed with the TV and it has to be on all the time, she actually asked me to move one day as I was blocking her view from the dining table she was having lunch at, I was and was expecting her Mum to say something but she didn't. The first time she came to visit she asked me to out the TV on and I refused I think she was shocked. I have a pet hate though of cbeebies blaring in a house constantly, adults shouting over it and DC not even watching it though.

Apparently every night she goes to bed and watches DVDs until she falls asleep, wakes up in the morning and puts DVDs on and lies in bed watching them. Sorry I think this is wrong in a 4yo.

The DDs do watch TV, we have a Wii they play with Daddy and they love Fishville and Petville on the pc.

YABU.

DS (5) has a tv/dvd combi in his room and he owns a DS.

The DS was mine that I gave to him and the tv a present for his 4th birthday.

He is allowed his DVD (the tv is not plugged into an aerial) on a Friday and Saturday night only and it is a choice between school night bed time and a film or a late night up in the front room. Ultimately he is asleep by 9pm whichever choice is made.

DS is rarely played with. He prefers books.

He has also been to Barbados twice as well as Turkey an Ibiza.

Why should I not allow my son to have these just because your DCs do not have them? I cannot live my life and therefore my DSs life according to other families provisions/wealth/activities and the like.

Growing up different from your friends is part of growing up.

I bought DS2 a DSi for christmas.It's usage is controlled. However, he is no longer interested in reading and droops about the house saying he's bored when I say no to the DSi. I caught him playing on it in bed tonight although he initially lied to me and said he wasn't.
I wish I hadn't bought the bloody thing!

I think this is where turning into one's mother and saying 'I don't care what so and so has, this is my house and these are my rules' is completely justified (if a little ageing).

My three dc's aged between 10 - 7 all have i-pods, the youngest has an old one of dh's. Each child has had this one for a year to prove they can look after it and enjoy using it before we've bought them their own. This means that the two oldest have nano's so can watch videos. Any videos or new music has to be paid for out of pocket money/birthday/christmas etc and of course videos must be suitable.

They all love music, dh and I love music - music gives us great pleasure and I am very happy to pass that onto my children.

They also all have ds's and we have a family wii as well as a couple of computers in the house.

So shoot me.

We also have a huge supply of paints, which come out often at the weekend and we all sit around the table painting. My oldest has loads of playmobil, which she plays with every day - next year she'll go off to secondary school, start wearing make up etc but I guarantee you she'll still be playing with playmobil (in secret).

There isn't a day when the lego stays in it's box.

Most days one or all of them can be found curled up reading a book.

You know what I call it? well rounded.

My dd had a cd player in her room. That's it.

6yr olds don't need tv/dvds/pcs in their rooms.

If (when) dd comes home complaining that she doesn't have any of this stuff...well she'll just be told that we don't think it is appropriate for her age & she can wait for it until it is! I won't let her pier pressure put pressure on me to supply goods I fell she doesn't need.

She gets to use the pc now & then, but I feel she needs supervision, so it is rare. I have a 18 month old to look after too, so cannot always supervise her as I want.

Since when did having electronic gadgets mean a child won't do other stufftoo?

my DD may have plenty of technology to use, but she plays far more with her toys, spends ages writing and reading, loves her trampoline, goes cycling with DH, love her scooter, plays imaginative games like schools, office and libraries with her dolls, she loves cooking and baking, she makes up dance routines and writes lyics or her own songs and then maes tunes for them on her piano....the list goes on.

Children are capable of doing a whole range of activities. Just becaue they own a DS or an iPod doesn't mean they stop doing eveything else - well IOE anyway.

I do think that as parents we'll always come up against variations of this problem until our children are earning their own wage and living independently. It's either possessions envy or that they wish we weren't as strict as so-and-so's parents, or blah blah blah. Every parent goes through it in one way or another, and as someone said above, our job is to manage expectations - and, also, I would add, to pass on values that will help them live thoughtfully.

At the same time I understand the OP's frustration and also agree that there is a hell of a lot of excessive materialism which children are being exposed to. I am amazed by the range of techy tools that some households have, and, equally, am amazed by the way some parents always make sure their child has the latest toy (not just techy things) before everyone else. This stuff just doesn't matter in life, does it? And to take a wider view, excessive consumption makes us (and our children) more superficial as humans, damages our environment, and (to take a really wide view!) is what led to the recent economic crash.

The TV viewing thing is potentially really dangerous for children. An expert told me recently that in young children excessive viewing has been shown to heavily influence the development of emotional and mental disorders such as ADHD, because their brains are hyperstimulated by the fast-moving images at a crucial time in their neural development. I am certain that this also includes the fast-moving images in video games.

Those of you whose children watch lots of TV/ play lots of video games, do you know how it's affecting your children? I'm sure it would matter to you a great deal if you did know. Why don't you try an experiment of cutting their viewing/ gaming out for a few days and observe how it affects their behaviour? At least you'll be able to see then what sort of impact it may or may not be having, and what, if anything, you'd like to do about it.

We recently cut DS's TV viewing from about 1.5 hours a day over the Xmas hols to 20 mins maximum per day. We did it because he (a lovely, lively but definitely manageable child) was becoming more hyperactive over Xmas. The change was dramatic - and in fact I noticed a change right away. He calmed down and was his pre-Xmas self again. Also, he's taken to it very well - today, after his allotted 20 mins of TV, while I was cooking and didn't notice the programme had finished, he even switched off the telly of his own accord!

So, yes, technology is a part of modern life (and I'm a media chick so don't I know it?) but that doesn't mean we shouldn't use it wisely, particularly where our children are concerned.

I also don't think it is a great idea for such young children to have ear pieces in their ears all the time (from iPods etc)

YABU

I couldn't care less what other people buy their kids - thats upto them.

Kids have to learn that everyone is different, and just because their friends have things they may not.

That's life!

In addition to what I said earlier, only wanting to clarify as so many other posters have, DS will always choose reading, creating or constructing something over anything technological.

From what I remember growing up, seeing friends parent and parenting myself, I think it more to do with how the adult handles the situation.

Give the child stimulating things to do and they do not need or want a TV/DS/ipod etc.

Even though DS has a TV and NintendoDS he prefers to to craft work or lego!

YABU. It doesn't impact on my kids (or yours) what other people buy their kids.

My DDs are 7 and 3 and they are not having a TV in their rooms ever. We have a Wii, which all of us except the three year old play on, and I have a DS which I sometimes let DD1 use (brain training and mario). They don't even know what an ipod is.

What sort of music do the ipod owning children of 6,7,8,9 etc. listen to?

Megapixels: "It doesn't impact on my kids (or yours) what other people buy their kids" - huh? Do you not remember being envious of other children's belongings when you were a child? I certainly do, throughout my childhood, and badgered my poor mother for stuff all the time. Then eventually I grew up and realised that it's only stuff and it's not going to change my world. So although I'm not suggesting that people should not buy things because of their potential impact on other families, I am saying it's naive to think it has no impact.