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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to confront DS/DD/DH? [sad]

95 replies

EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 13:46

A website was up today, some teen dating site I happened upon on the family laptop. Whoever last used it hadn't logged out and I admit - I snooped in the messages.

There were tons of mails from boys and girls to either DS (11), DD (10), or DH (I know, weird and I wouldn't normally suspect him but I think the kids are too little for this??) about wanting to shag all night, give/get oral, meet up when the house is quiet, etc.

Who - if anyone - do I confront about this? I feel really concerned and confused.

OP posts:

crumpette · 25/01/2010 14:53

I haven't read all the thread so sorry if I'm missing something but that sounds like it's definitely your DS. The age of 14 is the age kids have to be/ pretend to be when registering on most sites.

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 14:55

oh i see cakeywakey....the messages. well that makes sense.

just cant understand why op cant see the profile. i can see everyones here.

Original poster

EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 14:55

DC's due home in 30 mins. Still don't know what to say to them but know this has to be addressed.

OP posts:

Original poster

EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 14:57

ILove There is a profile, I can definitely go into it but no one has filled anything out on it. It's just messages rather than someone setting something up. No music, 2 games under 'my games'. But no identifying details or answers to any of the questions.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 25/01/2010 14:58

in that case could it be that your ds has registered to play some games and that all profiles end up on the home page and people have messaged him and he's not replied?

honeybehappy · 25/01/2010 15:01

Do you have their email account passwords?

LittleMrsHappy · 25/01/2010 15:01

IloveTiffinay, your child has by passed the d.o.b by saying she is older, as it automatically comes up if you are under 13 that no account can be made.

Have you reported the site due to her being underage, Its not facebooks fault that children are by passing the safe guards in place.

The mynet.lol site you have to be 14 to have a account.

Do you not have the email which was registered OP for the site?

SolidGoldBrass · 25/01/2010 15:23

I think this is your DC not only mucking about but doing so rathe clumsily - if (as it seems from your post) that the account is being bombarded with smutty messages from strangers, with no response from your house then what is quite likely is that one of your DC set up an account (maybe in order to talk smutty, maybe in order to access games and other non-rude stuff), botched the set up and got bored with it, so while the account is 'active' no one at your end is using it.
The other likely possiblity is that, if your DC have slightly older friends who visit the house, that the kids did this together for a laugh.

Casserole · 25/01/2010 16:22

Yes, I agree with SGB, I think one of them's registered a profile just out of curiousity and then been bombarded with unsolicited messages from random weirdos out there. If they haven't replied to any then that's good, and the fact that they haven't done anything to their profile also tells me they probably haven't actually spent loads of time on there.

I'd have a chat with them about the site, and then manually block it through internet explorer.

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 17:20

Littlemrshappy.... My child is 15 so she is fine to be on these sites,why do you think she's lied?

mummydoc · 25/01/2010 17:43

my dd is 10 , she wouldn't know how to register and set up a profile, enter a password or anyhting like that. she uses google usually to search for stuff about popstars or pictures of ponies . maybe other kids are very computer savvy ???

suitejudyblue · 25/01/2010 17:44

One of my DCs uses a games website and I have come to the computer when its has been logged on and found all kinds of messages from other users. My DC is 9 and I know that the messages are just spam ones probably sent to anyone who is logged on, I know its easy to say but I'd be pretty sure its something like that. I bet your DCs haven't done anything other than use the site innocently - I agree with Casserole and SGB.

PavlovtheCat · 25/01/2010 17:52

Could it be a friend who might have had access, a friend of either the children/family?

For example, once, a friend aged 15 looked after our DD for the evening and she was logged on to facebook, so it was her profile still up. Is this a possibility?

TheFirstLady · 25/01/2010 22:02

mummydoc - my seven year old set up her own googlemail account recently - I only found out when she asked me for my email address.

ReneRusso · 26/01/2010 09:00

Any update OP? Did you find out whats going on?

lowenergylightbulb · 26/01/2010 09:27

Looking at it I'd day that one of your kids has maybe joined it for games/chat etc and has then been spammed by inappropriate messages.

That site has already been subject to investigation by ceops regarding adults using it to contact/groom kids.

I'd have a stern chat to your kids about it - IMHO it's not a suitable site for 10/11 year olds to have unsupervised access to.

bunjies · 26/01/2010 09:34

I would contact the website itself and inform them they have an underage user registered on their system.

Surely if it was your dh he wouldn't be so daft as to post on it whilst everyone was in the house?! Definitely sounds like it's one of your kids.

gagamama · 26/01/2010 10:08

You're absolutely right to be concerned about this, but I really do agree that it sounds like one of the DCs has set up an account purely for games or something, and they have been spammed by weirdos whilst online. It seems odd that the messages have only been received early evening, but then perhaps if the DCs log on at that time to play games or something, their profile shows up as 'online now' to anyone who is browsing with a view to message other users.

I'm not familiar with this specific site, but from using other social networking and dating sites, simply being logged onto the site will make you visible to other users, and it is very common for nutjobs people to send out mass messages. I'd broach the issue with the DCs and point out that they're too young to be using the site (or if you're happy for them to continue using it for games, see if there is a way the profile and their online status can be hidden from other users, searches, etc).

acebaby · 26/01/2010 10:19

Have only skimmed this, but I would discuss this with DH. Assume in your discussion that it is DS and suggest you talk to him together about internet safety. If it is your DH (seems unlikely unless he has a history of this sort of thing tbh), then he will probably feel pretty awkward about confronting your DS.

Just a few thoughts anyway

CardyMow · 26/01/2010 12:20

That is an awful site, my DD (11.10yo) asked last week if she could go on it, I checked it out first and was at how the phone numbers come up, and some of the other things on there. My DD is not allowed onto a new site before I have checked it is suitable. I also know that almost all pre-teens will lie about their DOB in order to access these sites. DD does have a FB page, but it is monitored daily by me ( I know her password, and can log in as her to check friend requests and messages, and if she changes the password so that I can't check her account, she knows I will report her for being underage...). It is amazing just what a 7yo like my DS is capable of doing on the computer, never mind a 10/11/12yo. I would insist that they ask you permission to go on any particular site, and for you to check the site in advance, so that you can ensure the site they wish to use is suitable. I didn't actually go on fb myself until DD was wanting to, so that I could thoroughly check it out. I now have a fb page that I rarely use, but at least I know how to look after my DD on there IYSWIM. I would say it is most likely to be one/both of your DC's.

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