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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to confront DS/DD/DH? [sad]

95 replies

EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 13:46

A website was up today, some teen dating site I happened upon on the family laptop. Whoever last used it hadn't logged out and I admit - I snooped in the messages.

There were tons of mails from boys and girls to either DS (11), DD (10), or DH (I know, weird and I wouldn't normally suspect him but I think the kids are too little for this??) about wanting to shag all night, give/get oral, meet up when the house is quiet, etc.

Who - if anyone - do I confront about this? I feel really concerned and confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 14:26

No Love when I go into 'options' it has one to change the registered e-mail and password but you have to supply it again, there's no where that I can find that shows what was given to register. Anyone with experience of the site know how?

OP posts:
solo · 25/01/2010 14:27

But talking to Dh first ~ that would be easy for him to wriggle out of(if it was him), but the Dc's are less likely to wriggle out if it was them. You don't want to blame the kids wrongly if Dh has done it and convinces you it was the Dc's iyswim.

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 14:27

there was a facebook page about this....who has facebook in your house? dont know if its relevant but dd has account at mylol but not sure if she bothers much with it...shes 15

BosomsByTheSea · 25/01/2010 14:28

I expect it is the DC.

JeremyVile · 25/01/2010 14:29

Before you log out, see if there is a page that says what the password is.
You may want to log in again if you haven't figured a way of getting to the bottom of it but also because the choice of password itself may give you an idea who it is.

AvrilHeytch · 25/01/2010 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 14:30

could they have registered for the games/music?

type their username in for their profile to come up....have they downloaded a picture of themselves,i would think they must have

Original poster
EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 14:30

OMG just saw that children have their telephone numbers up on the home page of the site where everyone can see them - this is extremely worrying!!!!

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 25/01/2010 14:31

Maybe but that why they should be supervised, as some sites dont advertise themselves as sexual related etc... so can by pass the controls.

But whats done is done, have a word with the hubby first to get his reaction and then talk about the site to your children.

Also was there no one else in who could have used the computer?

harecare · 25/01/2010 14:32

I'm fairly certain an adult user wouldn't be as explicit as a child when talking to other children.
If you want to be really sneaky though you could set up an account and start a conversation with your kids without them knowing it was you.
Maybe that way you could teach them how dangerous it is as they have no idea who they are talking to.

shockers · 25/01/2010 14:34

If there are only received messages, it sounds a bit like curiosity. It could be a craze at school to go on and then discuss the messages. ( whilst getting a secret thrill out of reading them)
I'd be inclined to stick a note to the front of the laptop stating that this site is now banned and see who looks the most uncomfortable at dinner.

solo · 25/01/2010 14:34

JV, she could log out and then log in again saying forgotten password...got to know the email address and associated password for that though...

BigBadMummy · 25/01/2010 14:35

Surely there is a log in? Is that an email address?

Mapes · 25/01/2010 14:36

I think that if it were your DH doing something unthinkable, then he would not be stupid enough to suggest meeting at your house - this is what makes me think it's far, far more likely to be one of the DCs.

Can you set your own account up / find someone who uses it and contact the username that is logged in at your house?

cakeywakey · 25/01/2010 14:37

So sorry you're having to deal with this - it sounds horrible - but at least you've found it and can now do something about it.

If the messages are being received, I'd be very worried and having a chat with DCs about internet safety and guidelines. It's worth checking out the Government's Child Expolitation and Online Protection website here www.ceop.gov.uk/ for information to help you. It's also worth reporting this website to them so that they can take a look.

Good luck and hope you are able to resolve this quickly.

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 14:40

why report the website though? theres nothing wrong with it! its used alot for music and games and the forum is actually quite good....its a teen website. thats all.

no worse than facebook/bebo/myspace

LittleMrsHappy · 25/01/2010 14:41

Worringly also all the profiles are not private, and what site sets up a "teen" dating website, where "friends" are made

If you cannot get on, you will be able to go on via the lost password route, standard signing in program) and also what is the name, is it a teenage name etc...

I still dont understand the email address tho, do you all have the same email address? is that why you cannot tell?

Id be a bit worried that my children have email address especially at that age and I could not PC there emails.

LittleMrsHappy · 25/01/2010 14:44

yes its a teen website, the OP's children are not teens tho.

cakeywakey · 25/01/2010 14:46

ILoveTiffany - by reporting the website, I mean for CEOPS to be able to take a look at whether worrying messages are easily being sent to kids.

If they can give the website advice on how to tighten up their protocols to protect children more, that can only be a good thing surely? I don't think that sites should be censored or closed down, just that they should protect children as much as possible if they are using them

Original poster
EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 14:47

I can not find ANYTHING related to what email address is used to sign in or register. It is still logged in under the username. I go into 'options' to try to find the registration details but there are none to be found, you have to input the registered details to change anything.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 14:47

cakeywakey says report to CEOP. but its (sorry op) parents responsibility to ensure that their dc view age appropriate websites.

what would you report it for?

Original poster
EmbarrassedNConfused · 25/01/2010 14:49

The birthday that was used to register is neither of my DC's, and the year would make them 14.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 25/01/2010 14:50

x posts

its parental responsibility tho.
my 11 year old has loads of friends on facebook,you're supposed to be 13 also,but nothings done. and facebook is worse imo as its full of adults.

honeybehappy · 25/01/2010 14:51

Log into their email account they must have received an email when they signed upto the site.

cakeywakey · 25/01/2010 14:52

Yes, it is parent's reponsibility to check which websites their children are using, but websites also have a responsiblity for keeping children safe. It works both ways.

I've been on a child protection course recently and the things we were told about paedophiles on the internet were really frightening. CEOPS as well as giving advice and help to websites, also tracks down these perverts and helps to convict them. Hopefully this isn't the case here, and it's just kids messaging the OPs DC, but it's worth getting checked out. If messages are suggesting that 'we wait until the house is quiet' and children's contact detials are clearly available, that is why I would report it.