dining next door and leaving kids alone

[princessparty]

Just a debate really as I'm not sure what my opinion on this ,I feeel very uneasy but can't justify why.
Couple invite couple next door round for dinner who leave 3 preschool kids home alone asleep but within range of baby monitor.Ok or not ?

Xenia your house is 5 sq ft ??

"Did Madeline McCann, not teach anybody!"

Are you serious? MM was a completely different scenario. Op is talking about going next door, not half a mile away with no baby monitor . And I'm pretty sure most peoples houses aren't being watched by paedophile rings/kidnappers.

I've never been in this situation so can't comment on what I'd had done. But if the pros outweigh the cons, then why not? Individual choice really. You know how your children sleep and if they will wake looking for you.

"Did Madeline McCann, not teach anybody!"

Are you serious? MM was a completely different scenario. Op is talking about going next door, not half a mile away with no baby monitor . And I'm pretty sure most peoples houses aren't being watched by paedophile rings/kidnappers.

I've never been in this situation so can't comment on what I'd had done. But if the pros outweigh the cons, then why not? Individual choice really. You know how your children sleep and if they will wake looking for you.

What is good is that British parents do have choices and we are still allowed to take our own risks within a band of lawful choices. I would hate if we were all pigeonholed into one rule. Children vary and parents' views of risks vary. In the US you can be arrested if you leave your children asleep in the hotel room and eat. On the Continent you might often leave a baby in a pram outside a shop or your 5 year old walk to school alone. My boys were the only children walking to school alone and I was contacted by the school. I said of course I consented (it's 3 minutes walk!) but also that in terms of parents perhaps it is those who do not allow older children to take risks who are the ones at fault. It's dead easy to molly coddle a child but the nicest thing one of mine has done this year is realise he can take local buses free of charge, plan his short routes on line and take himself off alone to places. I remember when my mother let us go alone into the City around the same sort of age. I want them to have those skills. They are surrounded by helicopter parents who ferry even older teenagers everywhere. I think seeing my older children in their 20s now some of their friends don't have the independence and capabilities mine do because unlike mine they haven't had to get themselves out of transport and other problems alone when they went wrong.

well MM is not neceassarily irrelevant.If she did die from a fall in the holiday appartment (and none of us really know)then it is relevant

no to the MM stuff

if she died of a fall, it was a tragic accident that could have happened if her parents were there or not
if she was taken, the chances and likelyhood of that happening in this situation are statistically almost non existant

no need for MM scaremongering

No not ok. Fires DO happen, speaking from experience. Unless you have a smoke alarm in every room you wouldn't hear it until it was too late.

I think it is somehow different to the Mc Cann case. Children would be in their own surrondings for one thing.

I still would not do it though ( not if preschoolers anyway, maybe if a bit older). Why could the Dcs not come to the neighbours as well?

On the other hand, have to weigh up which is more dangerous, if I have to go into the garden at night (very large) then will have to lock the door to stop the predators coming in!

Bad things can and do happen, we just have to try and do our best. Surely it is better to avoid as much as possible than to regret it later?

I think there is a difference between being aware of real danger and being a mentalist because of media hype and scaremongering

How many children in the last 20 yrs have been nabbed from their house and not found?
vv few
How many people have allowed this case to shape their actions for fear of predators lurking in every shadow
loads

logically and rationally it makes no sense to base risk assessment on an anomily

Not at that age, no.

WHen the children are old enough to really understand where their parents are and how to get hold of them, ie phone them, it would be OK IMO. But three tiddlers? Nope.

Totally agree xenia...my DH sent my 7yr old and 6yr old for some bread from the local shop about 4/5 mins walk ...I didnt know till afterwards ...but they were so happy and proud...I was sceptical but after I saw their reaction it helped me realise that children need freedom and the confidence to travel around their local area...I haven't sent them since but it helped me a trust that if needed they are confident enough to do it!

Xenia. I wasn't molly coddled at all and left home at 17, left the country at 19. Had a few hairy experiences along the way. Always walked to school on my own (even after a lone man tred to entice me into his car), cooked my own food and generally left to my own devices. Funny think is I am now at age 41 risk averse and quite an anxious person. I do think I am a little over protective of the kids so I read OP and I think I would never do that but a little voice would tell me that I am being over protective.

I think if I had been a little more molly coddled growing up I may have felt more secure and thus a lttle less anxious.

I agree with Seeker. I don't see what is wrong with this.

WRT the child vommiting and it not being picked up a baby monitor - it wouldn't be heard from downstairs either in that case, but would anyone tell this couple they were being neglectfull for enjoy a meal in their own dining room while the children slept upstairs? No.

The washing machine catching fire while you are out - simples. Don't turn it on.

A bad dream - the child would cry surely? Otherwise as above the parent wouldn't know about it from downstairs either.

A decent smoke alarm would be heard from next door without a baby monitor. Mine goes off at the mere whiff of sausages frying.

Mumcentreplus, I agree with you and Xenia and do send my DCs to the local shop since they are 7 as well (5 mins walk) but OP is talking about 3 pre schoolers, assumming that they are not triplets it makes at least one of them very very young.

Ponygirl, the smoke alarm on our stairs knows when I put the sausages in the frying pan in the kitchen and reacts accordingly and annoyingly.

If you have decent smoke alarms, either with good batteries or wired into the elecrics like ours are, there is no need to have them in each room. The firebrigade advised us to have one in the hallway as you enter the house and one on top of the stairs.

I confess I have done this. We used to go round to our next door neighbours (ds at the time was about 18m/2yo), the baby monitor worked (we tested first), doors were locked and windows shut and I checked every half hour or so. If he'd woken up and yelled we could probably have heard through the thin party wall, to be honest, and I was less far away than I do now when we stay at my BIL's. We don't have family near to babysit and it felt like a heavenly break to be out of the house together. And nothing happened.

I might consider doing this - much would depend on the layout of the houses/how fast you could get to the dcs if you needed to do so quickly. My main concern would be fire or a dc waking up and being frightened - chances are though that being next door would be little different from sitting out in your own garden. I wouldn't go much/any further away however - that would be pretty idiotic imo.

Did this once when DS was about five months old and in a cot.

I did feel very anxious about it at the time but it was our only opportunity for a bit of sanity and company. Baby monitor worked perfectly - turned to maximum so I could hear him breathing! Smoke alarms well positioned, house locked. Could be back in the house in less than 30 seconds. Any further away and I doubt I would have done it.

Not that he is older and can get out of his own bed I would never do it and, in fact, we go out very seldom now (not necessarily a good thing IMO)

Yes I would. I have left them in a hotel room with "baby listening" service.

No, you wouldn't hear a fire but you sure as hell would hear the smoke alarm.

No, a monitor wouldn't pick them up downstairs but it would pick them up leaving the room.

Yes, you would be to blame/prosecuted if something did go wrong.

I would probably be uneasy and spend the whole time looking at the monitor mind you. It depends how important the "date" was.

ShinyandNew - When you have been through what we have, believe me you would put a smoke alarm in every room except the kitchen. The fire in house house last year started in the loft, which was the room above the kitchen, dh and 3 of my dcs were in the kitchen, and 6 metres of the roof was already open and ablaze! He was unaware until he went upstairs and came across the scene from backdraft.

Thankfully dh was there, and was able to save the dcs, the dogs and the rabbits, but the fire took the whole of upstairs, via the roof, the 50cm oak beams were burnt through completely the bedrooms were all turned to ash, all clothes beds, all toys etc. The bath and toilet completely evaporated, and we lost all the furniture downstairs too.

No smoke alarms were upstairs, and if we or the kids had been asleep, we wouldnt have made it. We had 37 fireman who could not contain the fire, and there one one fireman who said in 17 years he had never seen a fire like it.

Please do not think it can never happen to you, because it does happen, and smoke alarms are put in every hotel room and b&b room for a reason! One smoke alarm is not enough!

And after 2 mins of getting everyone out dh was unable to get back in because of the smoke and heat, it takes hold very very fast.

No for pre-schoolers and I don't think it is necessary for a small baby as they are so easy to take out with you. About 7 / 8, I'd consider it.

as I said earlier..for young children I dont know if I could do it myself...but next door?..I would not judge a person...