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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dining next door and leaving kids alone

111 replies

princessparty · 24/01/2010 17:26

Just a debate really as I'm not sure what my opinion on this ,I feeel very uneasy but can't justify why.
Couple invite couple next door round for dinner who leave 3 preschool kids home alone asleep but within range of baby monitor.Ok or not ?

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 24/01/2010 20:06

Well I'm going to stick my neck out alongside seeker (as always) and say that I would. I would pop back to check but it really isn't any worse than children being in a different wing.

This is like the leaving the children in the car at the petrol station scenario - level of hysteria out of all proportion to likely risk IMO

diddl - I cannot hear my chidren at all at night without a monitor because they are on the other side of the house from me and the walls are too thick. Not all houses have thin walls!

princessparty - you are rather jumping to conclusions assuming they are having such a good time they're not paying attention to the monitor

onlyjoinedforoffers · 24/01/2010 20:12

Asana as most washing machines are in the kitchen i dont see much point of having a smoke detector there they would be going off constantly

hobnob57 · 24/01/2010 20:16

I'm with purpleduck. We've done this when DD was still in the cot/sleeping bag stage and sleeping like a log all night. We don't have radio monitors so checked on her every 15 mins, which we figured wouldn't leave her crying for too long were she to wake up. We have no life, so dinner with the neighbours is too good an opportunity to pass up for us, yet seemingly too insignificant to warrant asking granny to come 20 miles for.

I don't think I'd do it now she is able to get up and about, not that she ever does.

amidaiwish · 24/01/2010 20:24

we nearly did this last summer - invite to a neighbours for a bbq and couldn't get a sitter. we can see the dd's bedroom from the neighbours patio. it's no further than most people's gardens i wouldn't have thought. i rigged up the video monitor and it worked fine from their patio. but still i couldn't quite bring myself to do it. (ended up bringing the dds (age 3 & 4) and they stayed up... we paid for it the next day with grumpy tired kids so not sure it was the right decision!)

but surely if you can SEE them asleep in bed and can see their window and are really only 2 mins away that is ok??? don't know...

pooexplosions · 24/01/2010 20:30

I might. It hasn't come up as my neighbours are odd shutins on one side and noisy alcoholic fruitloop on the other, so I'm not going in to either of them.
But I might, I live in a tiny terrace townhouse where the back doors open onto a secure communal courtyard so would not need to lock the house up tight, and my bedroom is on the 2nd floor and the kids are on the ground floor, so in my next door neighbours living room I would actually be closer to them than my bedroom. And we have communal fire alarms so a fire in my house would set off their alarm.

So I dunno, I might do. [bbiscuit]

lililolo · 24/01/2010 20:38

I've thought about this a few times as I live in a block of six flats, so really being in the next door flat is only the same as being at my parents' (large) house and leaving DD asleep in her room. In fact we're probably nearer in the next door flat. The reason I wouldn't do it is that you can't hear the monitor all the time - DD has often made us jump by getting quietly out of bed and coming into the sitting room without us hearing her on the monitor. You can't say for sure you would hear the monitor because you would be engaged in conversation, not staring / listening to the monitor the whole time. If DD did one of her wandering acts and couldn't find us in the flat she'd freak right out. And that's aside from all the one in a million chance things that might happen, like the washing machine blowing up or an abductor breaking in. Really, those things are not likely to happen, but her coming looking for us is much more likely.

So, no! I wouldn't do it even though I know rationally if I did do it 9 times out of 10 it would be fine.

tispity · 24/01/2010 20:56

never - YABVVVVU. i would forgo every invitation to be near my dcs unless they were being minded by someone they recognised, trusted and loved (which rules out most nannies and babysitters).

pooexplosions · 24/01/2010 21:01

Don't stop polishing that halo tispity will you, it might lose its shine....

tispity · 24/01/2010 21:13

chucks over the diarolyte (again )- do i know you?

Wolliw · 24/01/2010 21:19

Not okay.
Why not have the dinner party in the same house as the children. If it's just next door...

LadyBiscuit · 24/01/2010 21:20

Ooh just noticed the Burns Night emoticons

tispity - do you never go out then? Blimey

tispity · 24/01/2010 21:45

we take it in turns - we have our own sets of friends mainly. we don't like doing the couples thing in the evening, that's all. my dh is not very sociable and would much rather we were cuddled up together at home instead of anywhere else

seeker · 24/01/2010 21:55

If you think leaving a sleeping child to go next door with a monitor is "reckless" - what do you think of me taking my children sailing when they were small? Or travelling? Or letting them ride horses? Or - and this is the most dangerous, reckless thing of all - letting them sit in a car being driven at 70 miles an hour down the motorway!

LadyBiscuit · 24/01/2010 21:58

Just as well I don't feel like that, given I'm a single parent. I'd never leave the house!

seeker - you irresponsible woman, taking your children sailing

cory · 24/01/2010 22:42

In my case, it would be far more about a child being freaked out when waking alone. Not that I fear the house spontaneously combusting. But I would have been very frightened myself at that age if I woke up and found out that my parents were elsewhere: I would certainly have been afraid of going to sleep again. And dd would probably have been the same. SO not reckless, but I wouldn't have done it. I'm the sort of parent that has always told dcs when I am going anywhere rather than sneak out and leave them so it would just have felt odd.

porcamiseria · 25/01/2010 09:01

we did this in Italy, the family had 2 flats right next door to each other so we left 3 month baby with a monitor, then ate next door, we were actually closer to the room in next doors kitchen that we would have been in our kitchen (if that makes sense). The baby monitor picked up every whimper.

msmiggins · 25/01/2010 09:05

No way, what's more this couple are in danger of police and social services involvement if found out.

bluesheep · 25/01/2010 09:15

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to relax while I was out, and surely that would defeat the purpose of going out in the first place.

Mumcentreplus · 25/01/2010 09:32

next door you say?...I dont know if I could do it but wouldn't really judge someone for doing so...they know their children and if they are likely to be wonderers..and its next door not down the road and round the corner...

Hulababy · 25/01/2010 09:38

I have known people to do it, but I couldn't personally. DD is 7y and still no.

LittleMrsHappy · 25/01/2010 09:41

Did Madeline McCann, not teach anybody!

clearly not

Judy1234 · 25/01/2010 09:42

Yes, but I've never been asked by neighbours like that. This is a fairly big house 5sqft and I always liked the fact once they were big enough to sleep alone etc that the children could be out of hearing and sight IN the house, never mind if I were out. If you can't hear them cry you get a better night's sleep. I'm slightly exagerrating but one advantage of no baby monitor and a closed door is you're not fussing over them at every turn and you get some peace and separation. Despite all that I've never in 25 years of 5 children been someone to leave them to cry when they're genuinely distressed and always breastfed a lot at night but I do think you can leave them upstairs and mess around in the garden or whatever and keep checking on them.

RonaldMcDonald · 25/01/2010 09:47

I think mentioning Madeline McCann is in poor taste ffs

abride · 25/01/2010 09:51

'no way

how could you enjoy dinner? '

Very easily, as I am a logical person and my logic tells me that I could get back to a baby/child waking up as quickly from my neighbour's dining room as from my back garden.

I would also be able to hear the smoke detector going off through the wall, as well as through the baby monitor, and the doorbell going and the telephone, and the dogs barking.

porcamiseria · 25/01/2010 09:59

I agree there is a huge difference between a building thats quite far around the corner, and being 2 rooms away from them! I would never ever in a million years do what they did (god bless them..), but I think we need to stop bringing them into this argument which is completely different.

That said I feel safe in Italy, hence why I did it. I amnot sure if I could do it in the UK, for some reason I dont feel as safe...