to not help my friend...

[OprahWinfrey]

My friend's son has dance rehearsal this weekend.
But she has a driving lesson so can't go. She asked me a few days ago if I would mind taking him, and I said it's too early and I'n not feeling too well. Have a cold coming on, and period all at the same time! (This is the truth, I'm feeling lousy.)
Yesterday she said she has asked another friend to help but the other friend told her to cancel her driving lesson. She was outraged that her friend would suggest that. (I kind of agree with the friend). Now to prove to her friend that she has other people who can help her, she has asked me to take her son. I have a really bad cold. My son is 3 years old and its 3 hours of hanging about and a lot of hassle for me as it starts at 9am! I've been before to help out because she wanted moral support, but this time I just want to stay in bed. I don't want to go, but now feel guilty and feel sorry for her ds. Also, her dh will be in bed and is in the house but she doesn't want to ask him. (???!!!)

AIBU to think she should cancel her lesson (or get her dh to take ds) rather than ask friend to go quite a bit out of their way to take her son?

I didn't meant to imply you were a doormat. I think your motivated by what's best for her DS which is really admirable and I'm sure we've all been there. I'm sorry if my post sounded patronising, I didn;t mean it to. It sounds like you're beginning to realise that your friend has (maybe unintentionally) been selfish, I agree with previous posters that when you have said 'no' once it becomes a lot easier and your friend may come to appreciate your support even more as a result.

hear hear Joben
I have started to say "no" too. It is not easy but after a while one gets used to it
It is very liberating

"I think the rehearsal needed her to be there, because there's a lot of clothes changing, lots of bags, hanging around waiting and cuddling and motivating, that only a mother (or father) can do."

It's a shame that you are so defensive about your rather reasonable action...

Hope you are feeling better this evening?

joben you weren't patronising or implying. It's just me realising that I'm a bit of a doormat. You've given really good advice - all of you. It's helped me a lot. Thank you all

WV- I know. I keep trying to defend my actions because deep down, I still feel guilty. Just can't shake it.

By the way, I'm feeling a lot better. Hooray to Lemsip max and my mum. She's put ds to bed, and we're just watching bigbrother, it's nice to have company.

Oh and I've called my friend about half hour ago to see how it went today. He didn't go to his rehearsal :-( I'm going to go round and see him tomorrow to give him a big kiss and some choccy biccies. Poor ds.

Well prepared defence, MadamDeathstare! Have you had to use this before?

I wonder if shes desperately worried about money and would lose a lessons worth if she cancelled

Not your problem though her dh sounds like a knob

Oh, quite, MadamDeathstare. I was just interested to hear how well you had worked it out. It sounded as though you had used the defence a number of times. Not sure whether that makes me sad, or angry...

Thanks MadamDeathstare for your advice. I didn't go round today. Feeling a lot better, and running out of food supplies so just went to the supermarket with my mum and ds.

I'm not feeling guilty anymore either. I have learnt recently to not get roped into things and I'll say no upfront these days, rather than say yes...and then spend all week trying to find an excuse to get out of it.