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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to hang out with family who have really really bad nits?

76 replies

PSCMUM · 22/01/2010 14:03

they are friends of ours, they are nice funny people. I enjoy the parents company, one of my children enjoys the company of one of their three, so we should be all set for lots of family days out together. However, the children have such appalling head lice, parents don't address it and every time we spend time with them, all three of mine catch it and then I spend my life trying to get rid of them again.
I've broached the subject before and got the clear message they thought dealing with it was pointless as they all just get it back again at school.
HELP!

OP posts:
Guad · 22/01/2010 14:09

We used to have this. I tyed all hair back and combed after each visit. Really good friends but they said the kids wouldn't let them brush their hair and were always crawling.

It put me off going sometimes though, if I knew I had to faff with hair afterwards.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 22/01/2010 14:12

i thought about us all giong along in swimming hats, but thought unless we were actually at a pool that might look strange! did you ever say it to theM?

OP posts:
thelunar66 · 22/01/2010 14:12

Have them round yours and do a mass nit killing session for everyone to join in.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 22/01/2010 14:14

really not up for that. i took them swimming after school a while ago and decided i'd condition and comb afterwards. hair so crawling I actually retched. I couldn't do it. I also don't want to do it!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 22/01/2010 14:16

YANBU, making me itch just thinking about it

TheCrackFox · 22/01/2010 14:19

YANBU.

I think you will have to be brutally honest with them. What kind of people can't be bothered not treating nits? Lazy fuckers usually.

juneybean · 22/01/2010 14:19

Sounds bad if they're not bothering to treat it

My best friends kids suffer terribly with them from school, especially the eldest as her hair is thick, but she always deals with it and I'm not going to stop our friendship because of it (even when they shared them with me last summer )

KnivesForksSpoons · 22/01/2010 14:19

I think I would have to say something. Surely if their hair is actually CRAWLING the school the children go to have broached it?

This is neglect isn't it? or AIBU?

Maleeka · 22/01/2010 14:22

Dunno if any of those lice repellants actually work but maybe spraying liberally all over you and your kids might help and tying your hair back.

We used Rappell after we finally got rid of the nits in our kids hair, but i dunno if its like elephant insurance or actually did the trick cos they didnt catch them for months after i used it religiously.

I stopped it after the spray ran out and the kids did catch them again, but it was a good few months after.

Tea tree is supposed to be a good repellant too so i've heard.

I'm not surprised you dont want to exterminate your kids friends nits, its bad enough doing your own!!

Comewhinewithme · 22/01/2010 14:24

I am having a similar problem I have 4 girls with long thick hair and my dd3 is best friends with a girl who is crawling.
She came to my house before xmas and they were just running up and down strands of her hair.
She is such a nice little girl but I am at my wits end I have just started nit combing with a bottle of tea tree spray every night after school and putting hair in tight plaits for school.
I can't cope with the fecking things TBH and the mother pisses me off sending such 6 year old to school with unbrushed hair and crawling with lice, I know a lot of Mums have told their DC not to play with her but I would feel so mean to my dd and the little girl.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 22/01/2010 14:31

I feel so mean also! I wish I could just say 'I am so sorry we are not going to hang out with you until you sort out the nits' but the words stick in my throat. The only thing that has worked for us is conditioning and combing, night after night after night when my dd was in playgroup with this kid, it was literally a never ending problem, we never had them really really bad, as I hate them so much I am a nit combing machine BUT when she got reinfected at playgroup every single day, it was awful and the whole family was becoming infected - including me!!!. Now they have started different schools and we have been nit free eversince and i love it! Instead of spending the evning on nit combing duty, I can relax, have baths, drink wine, enjoy my life! o god though, the pressure to meet up is strong. i am weak. i may just go for the swim hat option.

OP posts:
Original poster
PSCMUM · 22/01/2010 14:31

and yes, i totally think it is neglect also. social services territory almost. if social services werent so dire.

OP posts:
KnivesForksSpoons · 22/01/2010 14:58

Yes, this is making me feel most uncomfortable and itchy My boys kept catching nits at schoool, and we went through a period of time where I just wanted to give up. I didn't want to put any more chemicals on their heads or on my own. Nothing was working because everytime I got them clear, they would get re-infected. But I carried on because that's what you do as a parent.

I guess you've got to decide how important their friendship is to you? I would have to say something I think, and if they took terrible offence, then.....at least you won't be getting nitty

Guad · 22/01/2010 14:59

I used to TALK about it a lot but fell short of actually saying I am not coming if you don't sort it out!

One girl at school was so bad several parents mentioned it to the head as it looked like her hair was moving from a distance, it was so bad you could see them walking on the outside. DD said it was horrible to watch when she sat behind her on the carpet.

The head did speak to her about it but it never improved really. Somtimes she would use Hedrin, in fact twice she came to school with the hedrin still on but it didn't last long. Felt quite sorry for her really.

UnquietDad · 22/01/2010 15:00

Same problem here. Friends we really like and all the children get on. We go back years. But they ALWAYS have nits and don't seem bothered.

verytellytubby · 22/01/2010 15:03

Lazy fuckers!!! I'd have to say something. The poor kids. Touch wood mine haven't had it for a while but we went through a stage of constantly having it (including me) and I found the itching unbearable!

Original poster
PSCMUM · 22/01/2010 15:06

so what do you do unqDad? just take the hit and get nits every so often? It is just such a battle though isn't it, to get rid of them once they are there. And I have had 18 months of it.
their friendship actually isn't that important to me. they are mainly a source of itchiness. I'd prefer to be without the itchiness and without them then with the itchiness and with them. But i cannot just come out and say that. I also cannot continue current tactic of avoidance. feel like a complete cow.

OP posts:
drloves8 · 22/01/2010 15:09

just say to them. better than spending a lifetime bonecombing imo ! get pure tea tree oil and drop some into your dc`s shampoo and conditioner - it helps repel the lice a bit. ever since i did this weve been nit free!. you can add some lavender to mask the smell a bit , nits dont like it much either i think.

ChilloOMNIPOTENThippi · 22/01/2010 15:13

I wouldn't want to spend time with them at all to be honest. It's easy enough to get rid of nits now so there's no excuse.

MadamDeathstare · 22/01/2010 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drloves8 · 22/01/2010 15:51

look , they bug you in more ways than one . just make new friends. problem solved !

trice · 22/01/2010 15:58

My dn has had nits for about four years solidly. My two usually come home with a couple of passengers when we go round. I just comb them out as soon as we get back. My two are fair with short hair so it is quite easy to spot the critters and deal with them.

SIL is wierd about the nit issue and just ignores them. She says everyone has them and that dn picks them up from school everytime she bug busts. So she doesn't. DB occasionally has a blitz when he is embarrassed about it. Her school friends parents must be at their wits ends.

They are lovely people in general, just a bit odd about the nit issue.

MissWooWoo · 22/01/2010 16:22

YANBU ! people like this piss me right off. My dd caught them at 2, yes 2 from my dn who was 6 at the time, she of course got them from someone at school.

The quicker people nip it in the bud the better, it is so neglectful not to sort it out. It iches, your head bleeds and also I read somewhere that lice "poo" is actually poisonous.

hey! no point in washing the kids they'll just get dirty again

hey! no point in wiping your arse it'll just get shitty again.

lazy fucking cunts

deloola · 22/01/2010 16:28

Actively not treating nits is neglect - v sad that they care for their children's health to denit them.

Don't know what you could say to them tbh

deloola · 22/01/2010 16:29

don't care enough ...

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