to not want to hang out with family who have really really bad nits?

[PSCMUM]

they are friends of ours, they are nice funny people. I enjoy the parents company, one of my children enjoys the company of one of their three, so we should be all set for lots of family days out together. However, the children have such appalling head lice, parents don't address it and every time we spend time with them, all three of mine catch it and then I spend my life trying to get rid of them again.
I've broached the subject before and got the clear message they thought dealing with it was pointless as they all just get it back again at school.
HELP!

We sometimes send a text or email a week or so later to say "ooh, DS and DD have had nits, we zapped them, you may want to check yours" - in a way that doesn't make it sound like "they got them from YOU." Just hoping that if this happens often enough they will get the hint.

I think on balance I would not see them.

This may sound harsh but I too detest even the thought of nits.

I would not treasure ANYBODY'S company that much as to put my family in the direct firing line of nits.

I too believe it is neglect and I would view it in the same way as someone having an infectious illness. In this situation I have said something along the lines of " I know we were supposed to meet up, but if your child is still suffering with x condition, then I don't want to meet as I cannot afford any time off work having to care for a sick child. Plus my child has (insert-even if made up! important event)and they cannot miss this event at any cost. Let me know when your child is fully recovered and we will arrange a get together then."

Try living in a hippy heaven like Brighton where parents don't like to treat their kids' nitty heads with 'chemicals'

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle as despite my best efforts my daughter (8) is frequently infested. I use a nitty-gritty comb as often as possible. When there's evidence of nits I use Hedrin and that newer Full Marks gel stuff, which my kids hate as it drips down their faces/necks. Shame it's so hard to get hold of the Full Marks mousse as it's the format my kids hate the least.

A middle aged woman once got on my bus and sat in front of me. Her hair was crawling with lice. I have never seen anything like it and she never scratched her head once. I spent the journey with my back forced against the seat and my legs pressed together out in the aisle. Dreadful.

However, top head lice beating tip from my teacher friend. Hairspray!! Comb your DD's hair back into a ponytail and then spray the hair all over with hairspray. The little buggers cannot penetrate the layer of goo. She swears by it and recommends it to all parents. She works at a single sex school so can offer no tips to parents of boys sadly. Gooey gel or wax might be worth a try?

MissWooWoo, I can beat that! Dd got them from my niece who has a lazy can't be arsed attitude to de lousing her kids at 6 months, yes! 6 months.

I use this and it works entirely.

Sorry, nieces mother can't be arsed.

Your friends are disrespecting you by knowingly letting their children pass on lice to yours.

Having tried the nice route, I would have to be blunt with them. It might not matter to them about getting their children clear, but it matters to you and they should respect that.

I think everyone is too tolerant of lice. If only schools would send children home and not allow them to return unless treated, then lice would not be half the problem that it is in this country.

Her poor DCs. I imagine they must scratch their head raw on occasion, with consequent pain and infection risk.

I'd not spend time with people that unconcerned by personal hygiene. I'd not take my DS to spend time with them, in the end I'd have to tell them.

Bring back the bloody nit nurse FGS!

I'm amazed that people can have such a cavalier attitude to nits nowadays. When I was at school, Nitty Nora was always in and checking bonces. Why would you let your child's hair crawl with them . I'd be blunt OP and tell them straight.

I sympathise, but I don't think I'd avoid them if they're really good friends. I'd drop big hints like UnquietDad did, and if you have girls make sure their hair is tied back. My dd has suffered with lice several times - she has long, thick hair, and the chemical treatments didn't work properly plus she had a reaction to them. I didn't just leave them though - I've lost many hours to conditioning and combing with the nitty gritty!

Another thing though - surely the parents must have them too? I caught them from dd and had to zap my hair as well as hers. The nitty gritty comb pulled half my hair out with them!
SIL had a good friend at school when she was young, this friend always had lice. They got so bad that in the end MIL zapped them with this awful chemical stuff (was all you could get then). The bowl was full of them! ewwwww..

I remember getting headlice from a child I was working with many years ago. As I have psoriasis on my head I did not realise that the itching was due to lice ? until I was on the bus, scratched and found a louse under my nail!!

Starting to scratch just thinking about it now!

Painful as it may be, you would be helping those poor licey kids if you took a stand. Until someone does the parents will keep on thinking it is OK to behave like this.

It's a simple case of cost/benefit - right now they expend no effort to eradicate the nits as they see no benefit doing so. If they start seeing there is a cost to having nits as nice people like you won't do things with them, then the the cost (ie time) it takes to address it will be worth spending.

They might be upset with you, but you will have helped make the world a better place if you take a stand and say no playdates while they have nits.

I do not think you are being unreasonable whatsoever. I do not see why the parents don't do anything about them, the poor kids. Lice are absolutely awful and make you feel so uncomfortable.

I am curious though, a lot of mums here say that their children catch lice all the time. I went through school till I was 16 without ever getting them, and that was only because I shared a brush with some other girl at a competition. So not even school.
Are lice such a huge problem over here? I know one or two kids who had them at my school but parents then got a letter to make sure we didn't catch them. And I babysat for years and none of my kids ever got them, neither at nursery nor primary or secondary school.

Honestly, I would keep my children away from them. That is just not something I could accept.

I thought schools sent children home who were infested with nits?

Wow. There's something wrong with them. That's why I'd stay away. Why are they neglecting their children?!

Schools should reintroduce the nit nurse and send children home if they have them. It is so disheartening to treat your DC and then have them reinfected. Schools should be far tougher IMO.

It's a British problem, Germanmum. It is yet another problem caused by bad parenting that sweeps through all families.

Parents do nothing about their children's nits. These children after others, who try for years to get on top of the problem and end up giving up because their children are immediately reinfected.

It would make a huge difference if children were not allowed in school with nits. Then the parents would have no choice but to deal with them.

Some schools also have a funny attitude to asking their pupils to tie their hair back - a simple but effective preventative measure.

I dont know why the health authority doesnt do somethign via the schools.
germanmum, I assume you are in germany, as we are? there are usually some lice in the town, but the children know that they will be out of school if they get them.

YANBU As yet I haven't had to treat DS age 3 but I am itching reading this thread and reminded of the one nit related incident in my childhood.

My DB who had relatively short hair caught them. I had long, extremely thick hair. I didn't have the little buggers and I still had to be treated with the 80s noxious chemical concoction.

I remember at school a girl was so infested, she was sent home, and not allowed back unless she was nit free, or the school would have her hair shaved off

We too had a lot of parents who wouldn't use chemicals, but actually, using plenty of conditioner and combing through every other day for 10 - 12 days works just as well.

I'm itchy now!

Nighbynight, I know there is always nits and lice around, it just sounds like a way bigger problem in Britain. I didn't mean to be judging, just saying that no one I know ever had a problem with getting them all the time. Sure, small kids get them, but you phone school, take care of the problem and that's it.
I am surprised there is parents who just ignore the problem. ALthough I still remember how much of a hassle it is, I was 16 but needed help being combed, we needed to change bed sheets every day (put them into the freezer cause that apparently kills the monsters), i wrapped a towel around my head so my hair wouldn't touch the couch....My mum probably wanted to scream and give up too

Poor kids who aren't treated, it must be so itchy.

My head itches just now.

I think you are right, it is a bigger problem in the UK. But the OPs situation couldnt happen in germany - if my experience is typical, if she were german she would tell the family to get their nits sorted, instead of pussyfooting around in typical embarrassed british manner!

Hahahaha, I bet she would. Sometimes being impolite and rude (as we Germans often come across as) can have its advantages
Honestly though, I don't know what I would do. I am pretty sure though that I would talk to the teacher about it.
And I certainly would keep my kids away. I hated the brushing etc, I can only imagine how boring i must be for smaller children to get them all the time.

Hope I didn't come across as judging, I was just curious because it never struck me as such a problem.

I still feel like scratching my head

Are nits getting more common?

I was born in 1965 and remember the nit nurse coming in to school, I never had nits and don't remember anyone else having them either. My sons (now 16 and 14) had nits once about 8 years ago. Yet I know some primary-age children who are constantly having to be treated for nits.