to not want to hang out with family who have really really bad nits?

[PSCMUM]

they are friends of ours, they are nice funny people. I enjoy the parents company, one of my children enjoys the company of one of their three, so we should be all set for lots of family days out together. However, the children have such appalling head lice, parents don't address it and every time we spend time with them, all three of mine catch it and then I spend my life trying to get rid of them again.
I've broached the subject before and got the clear message they thought dealing with it was pointless as they all just get it back again at school.
HELP!

I would keep away it is gross.

I have never had nits, and none of my three sisters got them either. We were told to keep away from kids at school that were often nitty and if we saw them on people's heads to keep away, but my DH said he got them all the time despite his mum sorting them out every time. I think some people are more attractive to the lice than others.

What I don't understand about this is that people are saying that children are having nits for weeks, or even months, and they are not being treated. If that were the case the children would have weeping, open sores on the back of their necks and between the shoulder blades. This would be clearly visible in the swimming pool or when changing for PE. In that case it is a clear case of neglect, surely? The parents would be reported.

In my experience EVERY parent whose child has persistent nits says that they are treating it and the children just keep catching it back from school. I think it is that they are not treating it properly and so new nits keep hatching, but don't want to accept that and so blame some other parent.

So why is it that if I treat my 3 children at the start of the summer holidays they will be nit-free for the entire 6 weeks, yet by the end of the first week back at school, they have the little fuckers creepys again??

I finally made a stand with DD's friend's Mum after using a curling wand on the girl's head and finding her covered with nits, though to be fair I didn't see any live ones. It has been a big problem since my DD got friendly with her 3 years ago.

I've done the phonecalls of saying I'd just checked DD!a hair and she has them so she might like to check that DD hasn't passed them on but it didn't work. In the end I grilled her for a fair bit over what she was doing to get rid of them and the fact that I was hugely pissed off sunk in
.

"If that were the case the children would have weeping, open sores on the back of their necks and between the shoulder blades."

No they wouldn't. It's perfectly possible to have nits with no symptoms at all - 50% of people don't even itch.

My nieces had to live with me due to their mum having some problems for awhile when they were in primary school. They had headlice constantly - I'd treat it and comb them out, and then they'd visit their mum over the weekend and come back with headlice again, as she never bothered to treat her own hair. I reached a point where I refused to send them home until she came over to ours and I made her use the treatment and combed her hair out myself. And this was in the states, where the schools had a "no nit" policy - if they found a nit, the child was sent home. They missed so much school (and I missed so much work!!) due to this, as every time nits appeared, I couldn't take them to school or childcare, so I missed work to stay home and do their hair again.

While I can understand people wanting a "no nit" policy at school, I can say that it has it's disadvantages. If you are in the process of treating your child and doing the first few days of combing, you may miss a nit or two. If the school spots one, your child can't go to school - which means you may not be able to go to work. And honestly, these "no nit" policies really don't seem to stop the rampant run of lice through the school. It still seems to always be there. Maybe because kids aren't checked routinely, just when the school knows there's a problem, which usually means it's widespread before it gets to the school's attention.

We have nits in my dds primary school (again)- dd has come home with them (again) this week having been nit free for 2 months! As I write this, she is sitting with a chemical solutiuon in her hair, in order to be clear of them for school tomorrow.
However what really annoys me is that I have spoken to the school earlier in the week, and her teacher has told me that they are not allowed to say anyting to any children with nits, or to their parents, and they are only allowed to mention it a certain number of times each year in the newsletter.
This is just political correctness gone mad

Why does the problem seem so much worse these days? Because of political correctness gone mad. Schools not allowed to mention it. No nurse checking etc.

We are in Budapest and the children get checked after every holiday and other times through the term and if they find nits they call and ask you to come get the child and they child is not allowed back until clear. Bit of a pain yes but because it is done there doesn't tend to be rampant infestations.

I am scratching away here just thinking of it!

Someone on here once recommended Alberto Tea Tree Tingle shampoo was good for deterring them so we have used it ever since. And DS hasn't had them since but I must admit that I haven't heard of many having them anyway.

Ds'sprimary school used to send a note home to the entire class if there was a report of head lice on one of the kids, but it wasn't the whole school. Didn't seem to be that much of a problem there...of course it could've been that I was using Nitmix on his hair and he just wasn't catching them...

Can't you tell the kids not to put their heads together.They can only crawl from one hjead to another not leap !

Difficult when it's litle girls, plus the school tends to get the children to work together with partners or in small groups. Also, did you know head lice can live for up to 12 hours away from hair, so if left on a desk, or a cloakroom (or even your child's pillow) they can reinfect very easily.

I've watched children playing together and it's amazing how many times their heads touch and they don't even realise it.

When my two were at primary school, the Head used to send out a letter to ALL parents giving a date for kids to be treated, whether the parents thought they had them or not. That way the whole school got done on the same Friday night. It seemed to work pretty well.

thelunar66 I suggested that idea to my school and they thought I was mad. I've been on MN before ranting about nits and can't understand how anyone can NOT treat them. They are vile!

One of my closest friends doesn't treat her DD properly and we always catch them when we've been with her. I once said to a mutual friend that I was upset about constantly catching them, and I know that she repeated it because a comment was made (I was VERY embarrased) but it hasn't made any difference. She still uses conditioner and combing.

I had to treat my DS's hair every week for 3 weeks AND wet comb every day to get rid of the last lot.

My theory is that they catch them when they play on their DS games

YABU
I wouldn't lose a friendship over nits. It can be hard to treat if your lo's are constantly catching them from school or other members of the family.
How do you know that these children always have them?

Can someone answer a Hedrin question please ? It says on the one hour one that it kills the eggs. If a child has a large number of hatched and unhatched eggs left in their hair ie hundreds (not my children), how will you then tell if they catch it again ? You can't reliably tell by live headlice coming out during combing can you as I don't see them in my DC's hair but know they are there as fresh eggs are laid.

Hope that makes sense. I am trying to deal with someone who is adamant her DD's nits went away with chlorine so like to have my facts straight.

A lot of people seem to do the conditioner/wet combing GWW and say it works for them. I've never tried it. I like my method, I like the product I buy and since I found it, I wouldn't dream of using chemicals.

i know they always have them because i have never seen them, ni all the time i haev known them, without them! And you can tell by the size and number that they must have been there for a very long time. yes the parents haev them too and scratch a lot. we have had them many times, and we have managed to get rid of them with sheer determination of combing every single night, every single member of the family, as i just find it so unbearable.
i have ever founda chemical solution that works, the only thing that has worked for us is a massive bottle of conditioner and hours and hours of combing.
i don't accept it is so hard to treat that you can never get your kids to be nit free. It is a pain in the arse, but it can be done.

I am confirmed by this thread that i am going to avoid them.i might even be brave enough to tell them why.

Social services? Are people actually seriously suggesting social services should get involved? The OP said they are a nice family, the only thing they have done wrong is not to eradicate nits - for that some of you would have them reported?

Really?

I hate nits more than the next person, I've spent ages de-nitting mine and I have an inkling who the culprits at school are. But apart from moan within earshot about nits, there is little I can do. I certainly wouldn't consider reporting the parents.

There is a spray you can get now that works within an hour. I would be frank with the parents and tell them that your kids are catching nits from theirs, that it's not fair on you to expect you to de-nit your kids every time they play with theirs. It may not be a problem for them, but it is for you and they should respect that.

Tell them about the spray, write the name down on a piece of paper. Ask them to de-nit their children. Be nice but firm.

If they refuse then you may have to reconsider your friendship, because friends consider each other and each other's children.

It may be lazy to not de-nit the children, but it's hardly neglect! Not feeding/clothing/loving your children is neglect. And apart from the nit problem this family do not sound at all neglectful.

Someone asked earlier why nits are more of a problem now than when we were young - its because they have become resistant to the insecticides that used to kill them pretty efficiently.

OP - cover your dc's hair with hedrin, tie back, get them to wear hats or wide hairbands whenever you see those particular friends.

Am i the only one PMSL at "I read somewhere that lice poo is poisonous...."
Toxic lice. Ha ha ha ha!

Love it. And the weeping sores one was good as well.

Where do you get your facts from people?

It's not that the poo is poisonous but htat it can infect the bites
BMJ. 2001 November 10; 323(7321): 1084.

People. Even if you use Hedrin etc you STILL have to comb. If you get them again within 2 months it's just as likely that you didn't get one or two eggs as you've been reinfected. Having said that, I LOATHE parents who do this.

I think
You: "Listen - I know having headlice doesn't bother you but it really does bother us - the kids find it really upsetting. I've found this works best as well as combing every three days with conditioner for 18 days."

She: "oh, well, they'll just come back, we just grin and bear it!"

You: "you fucking nutter, have you no self-respect? They are PARASITES! On your CHILDREN'S HAIR! Sucking their BLOOD!'

Sorry.

You: "Oh that would be a shame - I think we're going to have to stop hanging out with you because of the continual reinfestation - are you sure you won't reconsider?"

They aren't harmless, they can cause anaemia.

OP, next time they arrange a meet up send a text saying "Lovely, but do your dc have nits at the moment?". At least they'll know that it is something you take into consideration before agreeing to see them all.

If I got a text like that from a friend I'd be shamed into action.

In fact what bibbity said. She's much nicer more diplomatic.

Rhubarb, whilst I personally wouldn't consider the SS for a nit/louse problem, I do think it is neglectful of the parents to allow their children ~ their babies that they presumably love and would do anything for to be constantly plagued by parasites. It isn't comfortable or pleasant for anyone.
My exsil is just the same as OP's friends; she because she's a lazy can't be arsed 'mother' that doesn't even clothe her kids properly. It is neglect.
I'm a crap mother, but my kids are fed, clothed, loved and put first ~ always!. They are also de loused if and when necessary.